Surname Change

[DannyK]

Hello Dads,

Today I received a very formal message on our parenting app from my Ex requesting our 4yr old daughter's surname to be changed (double barrelled) to include Ex's.

Has anyone got experience of this?

Aside from not personally wanting to agree to this (especially after she has made so many false allegations since the split two years ago)..

I don't think it's in our daughter's best interests because if Ex marries (we were unmarried), then Ex will presumably take her husband's name and my daughter not have her mother's name either..

Has anyone successfully fought (or lost) this particular battle?

I have a CAO in place that stipulates EOW and half holidays, so am still very much 'in the picture'.

 

[Ash]

My ex did later get married and I agreed to the first half of the double barrel (her half) to change to her new married name. She later tried to get son to drop my name on the end and started alienating him. It got sorted out in court.

It's a difficult one because your ex is raising a reasonable thing - child having both parents surnames and making it easier for ex to have the same name as child. However she may well be planning ahead to get child to only use the first part of the double barrel. She can't officially do that though - official documents would all have to be in full names.

I would hold off responding (ie don't reply). Although if you left it long enough she might apply for a specific issues order.

Not an easy situation with a lot of uncertainties. ie if your ex remarried would she actually take her new husband's name or keep her own? Unknown.

 

[Ash]

In principle I would say it's a safer bet for your child just to keep your name - so surnames aren't manipulated in future. On the other hand a child can still be manipulated into wanting to change their surname to hers for example, when older, so having both names, officially means they're not having to choose one surname or the other in future.

It's unfortunately something you might have to agree to as the court would probably order it if you don't agree. She can give all kinds of practical reasons like having to prove she's related when going through passport control etc.

That's my view anyway. What do others think?

 

[Ash]

If you were applying to court at some point though, it could be tied in with that.

 

[nothernsoul]

Yeah. It's a tricky one.

My children have double barrelled names. Mine is the second of the two.

It's been quickly removed from labels / school clothes / certificates.

I raised it in court and my ex was told to use the full name in formal and informal settings. Doubt she will but it'll be a bridge to cross.

Would she be happy if your name was the first of the two?

 

[Ash]

Mine was the second of the two as well and tried to drop the second part, but also got told in court So in the long run it'll probably work out ok. Everything official has to have the legal surname - schools, Doctors, everything.