Surgery

[Cheese_Head_1986]

My ex has informed me that our daughter requires surgery, tonsils out, adinoids out and grommets for her ears. She told me yesterday and the surgery is this Saturday. She has gone private. I have a feeling she'll be asking me to help foot the substantial bill.

Am I obligated to? I didn't agree to go private and nor was I consulted about it.

 

[Ash]

Maybe she has health insurance? It would be a cheek to ask you to pay when she's alienated your daughter - or have things improved a bit? On the other hand, this might be an opportunity to become more involved.

 

[mva]

Can’t see why you are obliged to pay as she could have gone down the NHS route and she should have kept you updated about pre operation appointments as you have PR

 

[Ash]

Grommets is a fairly common procedure - probably just a half day outpatients case. Tonsils and adenoids is usually admission for surgery and it's unusual these days - they usually try not to remove tonsils in kids these days.

 

[Cheese_Head_1986]

Things haven't improved, still haven't seen my daughter. I'm just worried that I'll be obligated to pay towards it as I also have PR. But I don't think that's fair as she could have done it on the NHS and like you said, she hasn't been keeping me up to date or anything about it

 

[Ash]

And as you have PR you should also be able to see your own daughter and be involved in her life. Your ex can't have her cake and eat it.

I think if she is now opening up dialogue about paying for medical treatment, you should open up dialogue about wanting to co parent your own daughter. And say of course you want to ensure she has her medical needs met (without committing to paying for private care) and thank her for letting you know about these medical matters for daughter. And ask her to now allow daughter to spend time with you, as court ordered.