Hi all - firstly thanks to everyone who offers help on here, i cant even put into words how supportive this forum has been and continues to be.
Advice i need:
I’ve been trying to secure a 50/50 care arrangement for my 2.2-year-old son for 7 months now, ever since my ex moved out with him and limited my access seven months ago. I’m stressed 24/7, not sleeping, and struggling to think clearly. I’m doing everything I can to prioritise my son’s best interests, but the process feels broken, like it encourages game-playing rather than cooperation.
Here’s what’s happened so far:
• January: We had our first mediation session before my son moved out, but my ex focused mostly on financial issues (she wanted a deposit back from our rental, even though we weren’t married). We didn’t even get to discussing a care schedule for our son. We agreed to reconvene, hoping to work things out.
• February: One day after my ex moved out with our son, we managed to reconvene, the timing left me feeling blindsided and frustrated that we didn’t have any agreed schedule. We met again in mediation and, despite the tension, agreed on a temporary schedule of 1-2 overnights a week. However, we didn’t set any timeframe for this to change or a clear plan for the future. The mediator said we should reconvene in a few weeks to address this. My ex agreed to this in the room, but in the days that followed, she refused to meet again.
• April: I gave it a few months to show goodwill, but when I requested mediation again, my ex refused outright. I’d been having my son for tea times on a monday evening, these were taken away after my request. At this time i also suggested dropping down to a four-day workweek so I could have Wednesdays with my son. She agreed to alternating Wednesdays, but start dates kept getting pushed back and as of September have not gone ahead.
• June: After months of back-and-forth solicitor letters and no real progress, I had to threaten court action. Only then did we finally have a third mediation session in August. It ended up being completely pointless. Nothing concrete was agreed, and the mediator hinted that court might be our only option at this point.
• August: Following this session, my ex quickly followed up with proposals starting alternating Wednesdays and increasing my overnights from 6 to 8 a month. My solicitor advised accepting this to set a precedent for overnight stays, with a view to applying for court later on if necessary. However, this increase feels very minimal to me and not in line with either what my son is capable of and or in his best interests. I want to move from singular overnights to consecutive overnights in sets of two as i feel this will give him more stability. Also, i feel that this is a more typical approach, one that a court might suggest.
I’m really worried about the ‘status quo’ argument, especially since my son is so young, and I don’t want this interim arrangement to become permanent just because it’s gone on for too long. I feel like I’m stuck in a system that forces you to play along with delay tactics, and it’s driving me to the edge. So i want to go back and ask for wednesdays and 12 overnights a month.
Has anyone else been through something like this? Should I keep pushing for more outside of court, or is it time to file an application? How do you manage the constant stress and anxiety of feeling like time is slipping away when all you want is what’s best for your child?
I have a new partner and my obsession with getting this right is causing problems, she finds it hard to understand that i am so afraid of a system stacked against me.
Advice i need:
I’ve been trying to secure a 50/50 care arrangement for my 2.2-year-old son for 7 months now, ever since my ex moved out with him and limited my access seven months ago. I’m stressed 24/7, not sleeping, and struggling to think clearly. I’m doing everything I can to prioritise my son’s best interests, but the process feels broken, like it encourages game-playing rather than cooperation.
Here’s what’s happened so far:
• January: We had our first mediation session before my son moved out, but my ex focused mostly on financial issues (she wanted a deposit back from our rental, even though we weren’t married). We didn’t even get to discussing a care schedule for our son. We agreed to reconvene, hoping to work things out.
• February: One day after my ex moved out with our son, we managed to reconvene, the timing left me feeling blindsided and frustrated that we didn’t have any agreed schedule. We met again in mediation and, despite the tension, agreed on a temporary schedule of 1-2 overnights a week. However, we didn’t set any timeframe for this to change or a clear plan for the future. The mediator said we should reconvene in a few weeks to address this. My ex agreed to this in the room, but in the days that followed, she refused to meet again.
• April: I gave it a few months to show goodwill, but when I requested mediation again, my ex refused outright. I’d been having my son for tea times on a monday evening, these were taken away after my request. At this time i also suggested dropping down to a four-day workweek so I could have Wednesdays with my son. She agreed to alternating Wednesdays, but start dates kept getting pushed back and as of September have not gone ahead.
• June: After months of back-and-forth solicitor letters and no real progress, I had to threaten court action. Only then did we finally have a third mediation session in August. It ended up being completely pointless. Nothing concrete was agreed, and the mediator hinted that court might be our only option at this point.
• August: Following this session, my ex quickly followed up with proposals starting alternating Wednesdays and increasing my overnights from 6 to 8 a month. My solicitor advised accepting this to set a precedent for overnight stays, with a view to applying for court later on if necessary. However, this increase feels very minimal to me and not in line with either what my son is capable of and or in his best interests. I want to move from singular overnights to consecutive overnights in sets of two as i feel this will give him more stability. Also, i feel that this is a more typical approach, one that a court might suggest.
I’m really worried about the ‘status quo’ argument, especially since my son is so young, and I don’t want this interim arrangement to become permanent just because it’s gone on for too long. I feel like I’m stuck in a system that forces you to play along with delay tactics, and it’s driving me to the edge. So i want to go back and ask for wednesdays and 12 overnights a month.
Has anyone else been through something like this? Should I keep pushing for more outside of court, or is it time to file an application? How do you manage the constant stress and anxiety of feeling like time is slipping away when all you want is what’s best for your child?
I have a new partner and my obsession with getting this right is causing problems, she finds it hard to understand that i am so afraid of a system stacked against me.
