Son's confusion

[bujanin]

My son has been visited at school for the section 7. Over the past couple of months the behaviour of the resident mother has gone into overdrive. When he's here with me he's happy, content and loving. But getting him here on the first night every fortnight has become fraught.

He told me that he has told Cafcass that he loves to spend time with daddy but doesn't want to stay overnight but he doesn't know why he said it. Before the separation it was never an issue. Totally illogical.

He has said to me that he regrets saying this to Cafcass now and that he doesn't know why he said it. He asked me if he could write to Cafcass and I agreed of course I know that this could/will be viewed cynically but it's short and genuine. If he was spoken to again I believe that he would verbalise it. He raised it to me. he'd be happy to be spoken to again. Nine years old

The case is quite complicated and this willingness to spend overnights is central.

I can communicate with the Cafcass officer.

Can I send this little written note or will it be totally frowned upon/disregarded? Any opinions welcomed.

 

[Roblox]

I think you may be better speaking to cafcass and explain what he's said to you.

They may speak to him again. They may well have picked up that it sounds odd he's specifically not happy to stay overnight when otherwise is fine.

Just my thoughts

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

"If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck".

This smells of alienating behaviour and a child in turmoil and conflict.

 

[bujanin]

"If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck".

This smells of alienating behaviour and a child in turmoil and conflict.

Yes it's a duck all right but bringing it to the attention of people has been a battle as for so many. I'm hoping that Cafcass will question how it is that a kid who used to be so content being alone with his Dad is now feeling torn. I'm conscious of not being presumed to have pressured him to write it though.

Has anybody had a further communications with a Cafcass officer after the section meeting?

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

Yes it's a duck all right but bringing it to the attention of people has been a battle as for so many. I'm hoping that Cafcass will question how it is that a kid who used to be so content being alone with his Dad is now feeling torn. I'm conscious of not being presumed to have pressured him to write it though.

Has anybody had a further communications with a Cafcass officer after the section meeting?

haha, absolutely , and then attacked by ex at the hearing , only to find out that the same officer is doing the next report for review LOL.

How to approach PA with CAFCASS

The trick is to let CAFCASS come to their own conclusion, so don't throw the accusation, instead, throw the evidence

wrong - There is parental alienation occurring by me ex.

Right - My daughter was very happy when I last saw her and had a lovely time, but now she doesnt want to know me, how could that possibly be ?


CAFCASS and the courts see PA, the issue is that they are not very good at dealing with it, so they try to bat it aside and plough on , hoping the issue will resolve.

But you need to lead the horse to water and not try and make it drink ......

 

[bujanin]

wrong - There is parental alienation occurring by me ex.

Right - My daughter was very happy when I last saw her and had a lovely time, but now she doesnt want to know me, how could that possibly be ?


CAFCASS and the courts see PA, the issue is that they are not very good at dealing with it, so they try to bat it aside and plough on , hoping the issue will resolve.

But you need to lead the horse to water and not try and make it drink ......

This was how I approached my section 7, I painted the pictures and left it hanging. I learnt this on here and feel totally happy with the section 7 meeting. But this desire from my son to right a statement that he made feels like a big piece and it's imperative that I handle it properly.

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

This was how I approached my section 7, I painted the pictures and left it hanging. I learnt this on here and feel totally happy with the section 7 meeting. But this desire from my son to right a statement that he made feels like a big piece and it's imperative that I handle it properly.

ok, so a few questions;

why does he feel the need to ?

what is the event that has bought this on?

What does he hope to gain from it ?

Be careful that this strategy could really backfire on you.

 

[bujanin]

ok, so a few questions;

why does he feel the need to ?

what is the event that has bought this on?

What does he hope to gain from it ?

Be careful that this strategy could really backfire on you.

It's a jurisdiction issue, international, there's a lot at stake and I think he grasps it. I don't know if he hopes to gain from it but I feel that he knows what he might lose now.

I am being careful that it doesn't backfire on me that's why I am requesting guidance on here.

 

[Ash]

Your poor son - he must feel so guilty. He just did what his Mother told him to do and then confessed to you. I'm not sure if you should raise it with Cafcass or they might think you've been questioning him. You could perhaps wait to see what the Section 7 says and possibly ask for an addendum if they report child says he doesn't want to stay overnight. He's 9 though so his wishes shouldn't dictate that anyway - you can argue what's in his best interests.

 

[bujanin]

Your poor son - he must feel so guilty. He just did what his Mother told him to do and then confessed to you. I'm not sure if you should raise it with Cafcass or they might think you've been questioning him. You could perhaps wait to see what the Section 7 says and possibly ask for an addendum if they report child says he doesn't want to stay overnight. He's 9 though so his wishes shouldn't dictate that anyway - you can argue what's in his best interests.

Insightful - thank you.

 

[bujanin]

I think you may be better speaking to cafcass and explain what he's said to you.

They may speak to him again. They may well have picked up that it sounds odd he's specifically not happy to stay overnight when otherwise is fine.

Just my thoughts

You're talking about a telephone conversation? I could do that I think that I have the contact number I've just got so focused on keeping everything in writing and evidenced. That gap between the section 7 meeting and receiving the report is torture.

 

[Roblox]

You're talking about a telephone conversation? I could do that I think that I have the contact number I've just got so focused on keeping everything in writing and evidenced. That gap between the section 7 meeting and receiving the report is torture.

Yeah if you're going to do it I'd be inclined not to put this one in writing.

Ash does make a good point about potentially waiting the s7 first. Its so bloody tricky.

 

[Peanut 21]

I see the situation you're in.
My partners kids wishes and feelings were taken seriously (and seen at face value I believe) when they were 11.
My step son started saying he didn't want to stay over and it's so obvious it's because his mother kept banging on about it.
In one of the last reports he said he didn't really want to see his dad anymore. But if you saw how he acts with his dad you'd know he was just saying what his mum wanted to hear.

Anyway, my point being, hopefully at 9 cafcass won't say 'don't recommend overnights' as he's still under 11.
I don't think you should tell cafcass he has told you this because they will see it as either you've put him under pressure or just made it up.

 

[Ash]

Anyway, my point being, hopefully at 9 cafcass won't say 'don't recommend overnights' as he's still under 11.
I don't think you should tell cafcass he has told you this because they will see it as either you've put him under pressure or just made it up.

Agree

Under 10 they will go with child's best interests, and you can argue at some point that his "expressed" wishes are not the same as his ascertainable wishes - that is the key. The welfare check list says the child's "ascertainable" wishes and feelings. With any luck, the Cafcass officer may have spotted that he was parroting certain things. Even if the Cafcass officer reports his wishes as not wanting overnights, you can argue against that at final hearing.

I would wait and see what the Section 7 says - there is usually a directions hearing after it, to do a position statement and comment on it. Personally I wouldn't ask for an addendum and for them to speak to him again, or the ex might up the pressure on him and it happen all over again.

 

[bujanin]

Yes it's difficult to see the way. I appreciate the different views thank you. I can't get away from the fact the boy raised it, it's on his mind. I feel that a telephone conversation with the Cafcass officer, stating that this incident happened over the weekend might be the way. Being clear that I realise how it might look but I'm speaking up for my child, who for whatever reason said something that he now wishes he hadn't and can't articulate why he said it. I suppose that nothing is off the record in this situation but a telephone call might be less concrete.

My hope is that notes over the past year from the family centre and a child agency that both state clearly the boys desire to go home with his dad and to spend time with him will raise the obvious question of what has happened that we have got to this point now?

The section 7 report will most likely have been written by now.

 

[Pj66]

haha, absolutely , and then attacked by ex at the hearing , only to find out that the same officer is doing the next report for review LOL.

How to approach PA with CAFCASS

The trick is to let CAFCASS come to their own conclusion, so don't throw the accusation, instead, throw the evidence

wrong - There is parental alienation occurring by me ex.

Right - My daughter was very happy when I last saw her and had a lovely time, but now she doesnt want to know me, how could that possibly be ?


CAFCASS and the courts see PA, the issue is that they are not very good at dealing with it, so they try to bat it aside and plough on , hoping the issue will resolve.

But you need to lead the horse to water and not try and make it drink ......

They should be dealing with it by looking at who the behaviour is against, which is the more conflict causing parent (by evidence) and then change residency or give more time to alienated parent, but they don't ...

 

[henry23]

Cafcass are meant to be trained in this department where a child makes a statement like that but can't explain why, is clearly the mother altering his mind to say and think that so by rights they should know what's happening here.

 

[bujanin]

Cafcass are meant to be trained in this department where a child makes a statement like that but can't explain why, is clearly the mother altering his mind to say and think that so by rights they should know what's happening here.

Didn't you contact them after your section 7 meeting to update them on something?
Was that update received okay?

 

[henry23]

I only wanted to know where my report was because they appear to have all of our dates mixed up. I'm still waiting on it.

I have been here before with cafcass, and after my first one two years ago, I regretted not mentioning certain things, thinking what if, etc.
Second time around I made sure I this didn't happen again.

The advice above from others is very wise, especially since you do not want them to think you are questioning but it's your decision at the end of the day.

What a child expresses doesn't mean they will do exactly what the child will say. It's only a guide and with him not having a reason hopefully well cafcass should know what's going on here.