So fed up

[JC83]

Hi chaps,

Firstly, thank you to all involved in this forum, it has kept me going in this dark times.

I’m so fed up, ex has been making time with my child very difficult since early this year when we separated, but for the last couple of weekends I have been able to see them supervised with my family. I deinstructed my solicitor this week due to cost, and now surprise surprise exs solicitor has said ex has spoken to social services who are now suggesting I see my child through a contact centre. Previously they said supervised in the community was fine! I live a 8hr round trip to the proposed contact centre. I’ve been on bail for a couple of months due to allegations of domestic abuse which feels like it will never be lifted.

I was due to see my child this weekend and now that’s not happening. I was looking forward to some minimal time with them this weekend. Just to hear them call me daddy, to laugh and play.

I just don’t know if I have any fight left in me anymore for this. I don’t understand why ex has turned this evil. Really struggling to cope and feel suffocated by it all. Any motivating comments welcome.

Thanks all

 

[UkDad]

Sorry to hear this. Many of us on this forum are going through a similar battle. Once the ex turns against she generally has the upper hand sadly and will make things as difficult as possible.

Assuming you have a court order? Does that not specify the arrangements to see your child?

Going through an especially difficult time myself and think I have realised that there aren't really answers to it other than to try and keep pushing through and have hope, as hard as it is.

Some of these threads might help if you haven't already seen them:

Near breaking point, coping strategies?

Hi everyone, Does anyone having coping strategies for when you get to near breaking point? Feeling so helpless with the parental alienation by ex and the false allegations against me. I'm in the early stages of counselling.

dadswithkids.co.uk

Path to Peace with Todd PerelMuter (podcast)

Hi everyone, I have come across a fantastic podcast by Todd PerelMuter where he talks sense about life and it's struggles. It gives a different perspective on things that I hadn't heard before. He talks clearly and slowly, without any annoying background music. Would highly recommend giving it...

dadswithkids.co.uk

Listen My Son (George Bruno) - YouTube channel

A great channel for men; entertainment mixed with wisdom from an older divorced dad (George Bruno). He's also a therapist/councillor. https://www.youtube.com/@ListenMySon

dadswithkids.co.uk

 

[JC83]

Thank you ukdad. No I don’t have a court order, awaiting MIAM sign off and then will apply for child arrangements. Not holding out much hope as I’m on bail and I imagine that will get extended.

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time yourself. I’ll try to keep pushing through and thanks for the links.

 

[bujanin]

Hi chaps,

Firstly, thank you to all involved in this forum, it has kept me going in this dark times.

I’m so fed up, ex has been making time with my child very difficult since early this year when we separated, but for the last couple of weekends I have been able to see them supervised with my family. I deinstructed my solicitor this week due to cost, and now surprise surprise exs solicitor has said ex has spoken to social services who are now suggesting I see my child through a contact centre. Previously they said supervised in the community was fine! I live a 8hr round trip to the proposed contact centre. I’ve been on bail for a couple of months due to allegations of domestic abuse which feels like it will never be lifted.

I was due to see my child this weekend and now that’s not happening. I was looking forward to some minimal time with them this weekend. Just to hear them call me daddy, to laugh and play.

I just don’t know if I have any fight left in me anymore for this. I don’t understand why ex has turned this evil. Really struggling to cope and feel suffocated by it all. Any motivating comments welcome.

Thanks all

You are going to need stamina. When I look back over the past year I can see that 3 months after my little one was taken away was my lowest point. By the basic definition of a nervous breakdown I am still having one but last Autumn I was really fighting for my sanity.

These situations that you're in this weekend can be brutal when you are looking forward to being in the love of your kids and then the rug is pulled from under you.

Do you have calls or messages with them? How old are they?

 

[JC83]

@bujanin thanks for the message.

I’m about 3 months in and I’m already running out of stamina. Hopefully court application going in next week.

I hope you keep going too. Child is 3 so no calls or messages. Ex is doing her upmost to keep her away from me. The worst part is the distance (8hr round trip) and ex is using that to her full advantage. All her family are nearby to me though and I wouldn’t be surprised if she travels back to see them without me knowing that my daughter is close. Heartbroken

 

[bujanin]

@bujanin thanks for the message.

I’m about 3 months in and I’m already running out of stamina. Hopefully court application going in next week.

I hope you keep going too. Child is 3 so no calls or messages. Ex is doing her upmost to keep her away from me. The worst part is the distance (8hr round trip) and ex is using that to her full advantage. All her family are nearby to me though and I wouldn’t be surprised if she travels back to see them without me knowing that my daughter is close. Heartbroken

What are you applying for this week and when is your next family time scheduled for JC83?

 

[MagicJ]

What are you applying for this week and when is your next family time scheduled for JC83?

I think it's a C100, if you need wording help there are plenty of threads to reference, members to ask & a template here:

How to complete the C100 Form

We thought a guide to completing the form could be useful. This is the C100 form for applying for a Child Arrangements Order, Specific Issues Order or Prohibited Steps Order. C100 form on .Gov website If you scroll down the page you will see...

dadswithkids.co.uk

There is no easy part of this journey but at 3 years old, even if it takes a while to get through the process, she is young enough that will be plenty of opportunities for you to get through milestones with her & be present throughout her childhood.

It's just as important to look after yourself as it is to fight for your daughter's right to have you involved in her life, if you're struggling, have a look around the Health & Coping Strategies board that you've posted in, there's a lot of different approaches mentioned within the threads & trying them you may find a couple that work really well for you!

No matter the circumstances you're fighting, it's okay to feel that low just know, as @bujanin has said, you will come through this!

Stay Strong Brother

 

[Ash]

His application has gone in now

 

[JC83]

What are you applying for this week and when is your next family time scheduled for JC83?

Hi @bujanin thanks for the message. I was a c100.

I think it's a C100, if you need wording help there are plenty of threads to reference, members to ask & a template here:

How to complete the C100 Form

We thought a guide to completing the form could be useful. This is the C100 form for applying for a Child Arrangements Order, Specific Issues Order or Prohibited Steps Order. C100 form on .Gov website If you scroll down the page you will see...

dadswithkids.co.uk

There is no easy part of this journey but at 3 years old, even if it takes a while to get through the process, she is young enough that will be plenty of opportunities for you to get through milestones with her & be present throughout her childhood.

It's just as important to look after yourself as it is to fight for your daughter's right to have you involved in her life, if you're struggling, have a look around the Health & Coping Strategies board that you've posted in, there's a lot of different approaches mentioned within the threads & trying them you may find a couple that work really well for you!

No matter the circumstances you're fighting, it's okay to feel that low just know, as @bujanin has said, you will come through this!

Stay Strong Brother

@MagicJ thanks for the advice. That’s one of the main things I’ve been worry about and it’s doing my head in - not teaching them to ride a bike, be Father Christmas, birthdays etc…stuff that I’ve dreamt about doing as a dad.

I have been trying to exercise and keep a journal and I am seeing a therapist.

Thank you brother

@Ash massive thanks to you too with all your help so far

 

[Ash]

Just try and keep focused on the end goal of getting that child arrangements order to get as much time as possible with your daughter. And keeping alert to strategies needed along the way to get there. Some of which you won't know as everything is uncertain right now and nothing can be predicted - so you just be prepared for any tack needed to deal with whatever comes up. It's hard doing the waiting game - waiting for court hearings, waiting for Police to make decisions, so there's sometimes a need to distract yourself as well or you get mentally worn out worrying about everything. I found long walks helped. It cleared my head and helped me feel more positive by the end of it - for no particular reason.

I only had four nights a fortnight for years (plus half holidays) but still taught my son to ride a bike (if you watch youtube videos on it, it's best done in a couple of hours or one afternoon). Then after that it's practice. When he was with me. He had a bike at each house, but was still on stabilisers at ex's. I got him a proper bike and he learned to ride it in an afternoon. He really really loved that bike. He ended up with a proper bike at each house. Wish he'd use one now! (Teenager).