Should I ask for more time with my daughter and if so how? Currently I get every other Friday midday to 6pm and every other weekend Saturday 10am and to Sunday 4pm. Id like to see my daughter more than this however I'm aware that the current arrangements could be considered the "standard" and its likely the court wont issue/order any more. I've suggested to my ex that more time with our daughter would be nice for all 3 of us as she'd get a break and our daughter would see me more however she has said that any increase in time "cant be on a regular basis as that would put my benefits at risk of being reduced" To me that says she wont increase time as she'll lose money so I'm not sure where to go from here
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Should i ask for more time with my daughter?
- Thread starter jtcm0
- Start date
Did she make that statement in writing to you ? I.e. a message
A "standard" schedule would be every alternate week-end Friday (usually from school) to Monday morning school drop off (or Sunday night 6pm), plus one midweek overnight (usually Wednesday and usually from and to school).
If your child is under school age then a schedule can be more flexible but I would think if you have every Friday and alternate week-ends then on your week-end, the Friday should be included in the week-end. Eg Friday morning to Sunday 6pm.
How old is your child?
The only "benefits" affected by you having more time would be Child Maintenance payments. Have you checked the Child Maintenance Calculator to see how much you should be paying? Is there a CMS case open or are you paying by a private agreement?
The way they work it out is a percentage of your "gross" income, and that figure is reduced by the number of overnights you have. So if you had no overnights, your ex would get the maxium amount. The more overnights you have, the less money she gets.
One way round that is to agree a sum of Child Maintenance between you that means she keeps the same amount of money regardless of you having additional overnights. Currently you only get one overnight a fortnight so she will be pretty much on the maximum amount. Unless you are a high earner, then it may not make a huge amount of difference to you, to pay her the same, even if you have more overnights.
This is called a "family based" arrangement. You just agree in writing (eg a text), that you will pay x amount a month in CM, regardless of what the assessment says.
If your child is under school age then a schedule can be more flexible but I would think if you have every Friday and alternate week-ends then on your week-end, the Friday should be included in the week-end. Eg Friday morning to Sunday 6pm.
How old is your child?
The only "benefits" affected by you having more time would be Child Maintenance payments. Have you checked the Child Maintenance Calculator to see how much you should be paying? Is there a CMS case open or are you paying by a private agreement?
The way they work it out is a percentage of your "gross" income, and that figure is reduced by the number of overnights you have. So if you had no overnights, your ex would get the maxium amount. The more overnights you have, the less money she gets.
One way round that is to agree a sum of Child Maintenance between you that means she keeps the same amount of money regardless of you having additional overnights. Currently you only get one overnight a fortnight so she will be pretty much on the maximum amount. Unless you are a high earner, then it may not make a huge amount of difference to you, to pay her the same, even if you have more overnights.
This is called a "family based" arrangement. You just agree in writing (eg a text), that you will pay x amount a month in CM, regardless of what the assessment says.
Yeah she did
So my daughter is 2 years old (3 in October) she's at nursery 2 days a week (Monday and Tuesday 1pm-6pm)
Currently I'm signed off work sick and only on basic universal credit (I'm waiting to see if they will award pip) so Currently as far as child maintenance goes I'm only required to pay £30.42 a month.
She only went the csa route as a "condition" for her to put me on the birth certificate (if I agreed to pay CSA she'd put me on the birth certificate) even though before the CSA got involved I was actually paying more as per our agreement but now I pay what the csa have told me to pay
At least you're on the birth certificate! So you have PR. Were you married? It's not CSA any more, it's CMS 
(Child Maintenance Service). CSA was scrapped years ago and replaced with CMS. It's still not good but not as bad as the CSA was.
Stick your income details in here and select 3 nights a week (almost half the time) and see what difference it would make to the amount you'd be expected to pay. I think the basic minimum is £7 a week. If it comes up with a lower amount than you pay now (which it almost certainly will) you could say to her that you are happy to pay slightly more than the current assessed rate (eg £35 a month) so it wouldn't affect her CM if you had more nights.
www.gov.uk
(Child Maintenance Service). CSA was scrapped years ago and replaced with CMS. It's still not good but not as bad as the CSA was.Stick your income details in here and select 3 nights a week (almost half the time) and see what difference it would make to the amount you'd be expected to pay. I think the basic minimum is £7 a week. If it comes up with a lower amount than you pay now (which it almost certainly will) you could say to her that you are happy to pay slightly more than the current assessed rate (eg £35 a month) so it wouldn't affect her CM if you had more nights.
Calculate your child maintenance
Use this calculator to work out an amount of child maintenance for your children.
Yeah, and she really doesn't like me having PR as I can get medical information and speak to any other professional such as health visitors and key workers. No never married honestly the "relationship" we had was a total of about 6 months but that's a whole other story. I've always known it as "CSA" I'm trying to refer to it as "CMS" but old habits die hard i guess.
I did the CMS calculator that you included in your reply and put that im on UC and have no other income and selected the 2 to 3 nights and week and it said no CMS would have to be paid.
I did the CMS calculator that you included in your reply and put that im on UC and have no other income and selected the 2 to 3 nights and week and it said no CMS would have to be paid.
At least you're on the birth certificate! So you have PR. Were you married? It's not CSA any more, it's CMS
Stick your income details in here and select 3 nights a week (almost half the time) and see what difference it would make to the amount you'd be expected to pay. I think the basic minimum is £7 a week. If it comes up with a lower amount than you pay now (which it almost certainly will) you could say to her that you are happy to pay slightly more than the current assessed rate (eg £35 a month) so it wouldn't affect her CM if you had more nights.
Calculate your child maintenance
Use this calculator to work out an amount of child maintenance for your children.
Right. So in that case, you offer to keep paying the current amount even if you have more nights. Or if you want to make it more appealing to her, and can afford to, you could offer to pay her slightly more than the current amount, as a "family based arrangement". Eg £35 a month. So if the CMS assessment says 0 or £30, you just transfer £35 every month (if that is agreed and she agrees to an additional night or two).
But if it comes to that, ALWAYS pay by standing order and ALWAYS have a reference on that standing order that says "Child Maintenance" - just in case you ever have to prove you've paid. And that should be the case currently as well.
Good you're on the birth certificate then, if you weren't married. Ironically she may not have realised that you'd still be obliged to pay CM even if you weren't on the birth certificate!
But if it comes to that, ALWAYS pay by standing order and ALWAYS have a reference on that standing order that says "Child Maintenance" - just in case you ever have to prove you've paid. And that should be the case currently as well.
Good you're on the birth certificate then, if you weren't married. Ironically she may not have realised that you'd still be obliged to pay CM even if you weren't on the birth certificate!
It's worth a try but honestly I don't think she'll go for it. She is the type of person who likes to claim "she does everything with no help" despite my repeated offers to have our daughter more so she can have the help.
Also I'm not sure what exactly to ask for I'm very sure she wouldn't agree to 2-3 nights a week. It took a year and a half for her to even agree to the current arrangements.
I knew that she could have gone to CMS without me being on the birth certificate when she said about it but I didn't let her know that as of course I wanted to be on the birth certificate and have PR
Honestly I don't know. As I've said in a previous reply to someone else she's the sort of person who likes to claim she does everything with no help despite repeated offers from me to help. It would be best and easier for all of us to stay out of CMS and court but trying to get to an agreement with my ex is next to impossible
Sounds familiar
Yep unfortunately it seems to be a very common occurrence with separated families
My partner had the same. Ex in court playing the victim saying she had no time to herself. When my partner pointed out he was the solution she then upped the abuse allegations
Yeah any time I suggest that I could be the solution she claims our daughter doesn't know me well enough even though I'm extremely consistent with visits (never miss one) she then went on to claim she was worried about "rape abuse and neglect" if my daughter was to stay over night. She eventually had to give me over nights reluctantly as her key worker said if she didn't the courts wouldMy partner had the same. Ex in court playing the victim saying she had no time to herself. When my partner pointed out he was the solution she then upped the abuse allegations