Shocking change of events after a positive first court attendance

[samjo]

Hi Everyone.

I have posted on here before, but to provide a brief history. My wife and I split but were cohabiting for a while as we have a young son, this eventually broke down. I have always been the main childcare provider whilst she chased her dream career. I chose to be a stay at home dad. I was isolated and financially abused for many years but did nothing. I had physically been hurt twice in the past but always downplayed it. We decided to divorce and things then turned into a comp with her using out son against me every turn, family intimidation etc
Then an incident happened back in May which changed everything. My wife headbutted me whilst I was holding our son. Shocked I immediately placed our son with a neighbour to keep him safe and rang the police and social services there and then, whilst she ran up and down the road saying I had assaulted her. The police arrived and she was arrested. Her bail lasted the full three months but the cps determined NFA.

FAST FORWARD LOTS OF NASTINESS. Inc her filing a DA form and saying that I was an alcoholic with a load of other lies.
Cafcass were involved and social services who determined there was no risk, a plan was put in that she would not badmouth or alienate me Infront of the child, both of us wouldn't drink around the child. Nothing targeted at just me. And we went to the first hearing two weeks ago. We were in court all day and in the judges words we were so close to coming to an arrangement, but she kept digging her heels in on how the split should be. Her only one proposal she put together was an arrangement that had our child moving every two days and cafcass had noted that our son's only concern was he didn't like moving all the time. I was the only one putting parenting proposals in she never bothered. At the end of the case we were made to put a number of promises together Infront of the judge who said that unless we could agree how the 50/50 split would go that they would decide on our behalf. The court agreed that my house would be his primary residemnce. She was living with her sister and had two other owned properties she could use. Nothing about DA, Alcohol etc. I was told to find a parenting app which I did and we have been communicating okay through that. The case date for the final hearing was set. And it felt like we're finally getting there. though it was very clear she still saw this as a game to be won and not with our child's best interest at heart.

Today I have been totally side swiped when a change of solicitor notification came through so she has sacked off that solicitor and appointed an aggressive new firm. They have now gone back to the start with brand new allegations. They have asked for a change of court, vacated the next hearing, have applied for an immediate live in order to be with the mother on the basis I'm an alcoholic and a risk. None of this was bought up in the first court case at all. Requesting cafcass to be involved again
She has bought up a very very old spent conviction I had for drink driving when I was teeneager, she left that part out. Funny that! Over 40 years prior. And way before our child was born. She says I'm a risk and that I said to the police when they arrived that I had been drinking in the morning of incident. I never said that. The police did comment they could smell alcohol on my breath but that was actually coffee breath paired with a glass of wine we had night before, just hadn't had chance to brush my teeth and were happy with that and let me drive away when she was allowed back to the property to pick up clothes. This is when she gets arrested. The police actually rang and told me to collect our son from school as she was in a cell.

The draft orders I have received now want alcohol testing ( which I can't afford as she is refusing to pay the mortgage and any child maintenance) as I was the child care provider she was the one who made the most and is now deliberately pushing me into poverty. I do already work two part time jobs around childcare. She also wants the child to live with her, me to have only supervised access until cafaccas report again and police files are reviewed.

It is like she didn't like how things were going and had started the process again, but cafcass have already investigated once and decided no action was needed, we have been Tom court once where they had no concerns but has now come out with even more lies and r questing a new court???

What now?!

 

[Oneofmany]

Cant help with "what now buddy", but I feel your anguish. I just dont now how this type of thing is allowed to happen

 

[samjo]

I'm just unsure if that after we have had cafcass involved once and found no reason for concern and had got to a point in court already Infront of judges where the only thing we couldn't agree on was how the 50/50 split would be divided that becaus sh didn't like the outcome she has now started again from start with new but similar accusations with a new solicitor a d a new court. Just feels like sh could ke p doing this until she gets her way, that isn't how it should be surely. Otherwise nothing would ever come to a close.

 

[Oneofmany]

Cant advise Fella, just totally understand your frustration. Do you have a solicitor? or maybe get a free consultation for advice?

 

[samjo]

Can't afford a solicitor. So have been self representation with the help of a MF up until now and doing a good job or something I thought

 

[Pj66]

I'm just unsure if that after we have had cafcass involved once and found no reason for concern and had got to a point in court already Infront of judges where the only thing we couldn't agree on was how the 50/50 split would be divided that becaus sh didn't like the outcome she has now started again from start with new but similar accusations with a new solicitor a d a new court. Just feels like sh could ke p doing this until she gets her way, that isn't how it should be surely. Otherwise nothing would ever come to a close.

Can't advise on all of it but one thing is that her changing solicitor mid proceedings and then dragging up past and new past events won't look good on her. The court should see it as she's not got her own way and is changing tactic.

Have you had allegations thrown out before by the court regarding alchohol use? And ie cafcass have found no safeguarding issues?

If so, I would point this out to the court and that her change of stance to be considered vexatious, as if she is trying to vary the order mid proceedings. I would not agree to alchohol testing by consent in the draft order whatsoever as this will be abused by her and is unnecessary.

Better to point out the additional allegations after no safeguarding was found and get it thrown out as soon as possible as you don't want it lingering.

 

[mainstay92]

Why has the solicitor done a draft order when u have not been back to court yet? I hope the Judge will see this is ridiculous so close to a decision been made and caffcass reports already in .

 

[samjo]

Honestly unsure. Just received three new letters in the post. One with a change of her solicitor, another with a 2a. Which just goes on and on alcohol. Repeating what was advised in the first one, but with some added bits in for dramatic effect, Then a draft order which recites. A change in court to a higher judge, then a load of stuff that states i am to do all this testing, provide evidence to the court with 6month samples etc, an order that the child shall be returned to mother immediately, that the final hearing is vacated to allow for all this.

Then another draft order to the police for full dislocusre of the incident in question Inc camera footage/ statements etc. ( She was the one who ended up getting arrested ) And the reintroduction of involvement of cafcass. None of the orders have dates on them though. Where is has space for dates there left blank

Yes we had the first case and was due to go straight to final hearing in a few weeks. We both made court promises to each other , I was to find a parenting app etc which I have done, the court didn't mention anything about alcohol in the first meeting cafcass report when they were involved after the first set of allegations came back with no concerns.

 

[samjo]

Can't advise on all of it but one thing is that her changing solicitor mid proceedings and then dragging up past and new past events won't look good on her. The court should see it as she's not got her own way and is changing tactic.

Have you had allegations thrown out before by the court regarding alchohol use? And ie cafcass have found no safeguarding issues?

If so, I would point this out to the court and that her change of stance to be considered vexatious, as if she is trying to vary the order mid proceedings. I would not agree to alchohol testing by consent in the draft order whatsoever as this will be abused by her and is unnecessary.

Better to point out the additional allegations after no safeguarding was found and get it thrown out as soon as possible as you don't want it lingering.

How do I go back to the court to advise them of this?

 

[Oneofmany]

Honestly unsure. Just received three new letters in the post. One with a change of her solicitor, another with a 2a. Which just goes on and on alcohol. Repeating what was advised in the first one, but with some added bits in for dramatic effect, Then a draft order which recites. A change in court to a higher judge, then a load of stuff that states i am to do all this testing, provide evidence to the court with 6month samples etc, an order that the child shall be returned to mother immediately, that the final hearing is vacated to allow for all this.

Then another draft order to the police for full dislocusre of the incident in question Inc camera footage/ statements etc. ( She was the one who ended up getting arrested ) And the reintroduction of involvement of cafcass. None of the orders have dates on them though. Where is has space for dates there left blank

Yes we had the first case and was due to go straight to final hearing in a few weeks. We both made court promises to each other , I was to find a parenting app etc which I have done, the court didn't mention anything about alcohol in the first meeting cafcass report when they were involved after the first set of allegations came back with no concerns.

its just a massive piss take, I think there's an element of them trying to put the "Frightners" on you so to speak. I would sincerely hope that the powers that be can whats being done. Surely if a court is already accepted a position and Caffcas reports how can a new solicitor just try and get that ignored and insist on it being all done again..... beggars belief

 

[mainstay92]

Honestly unsure. Just received three new letters in the post. One with a change of her solicitor, another with a 2a. Which just goes on and on alcohol. Repeating what was advised in the first one, but with some added bits in for dramatic effect, Then a draft order which recites. A change in court to a higher judge, then a load of stuff that states i am to do all this testing, provide evidence to the court with 6month samples etc, an order that the child shall be returned to mother immediately, that the final hearing is vacated to allow for all this.

Then another draft order to the police for full dislocusre of the incident in question Inc camera footage/ statements etc. ( She was the one who ended up getting arrested ) And the reintroduction of involvement of cafcass. None of the orders have dates on them though. Where is has space for dates there left blank

Yes we had the first case and was due to go straight to final hearing in a few weeks. We both made court promises to each other , I was to find a parenting app etc which I have done, the court didn't mention anything about alcohol in the first meeting cafcass report when they were involved after the first set of allegations came back with no

 

[mainstay92]

Honestly unsure. Just received three new letters in the post. One with a change of her solicitor, another with a 2a. Which just goes on and on alcohol. Repeating what was advised in the first one, but with some added bits in for dramatic effect, Then a draft order which recites. A change in court to a higher judge, then a load of stuff that states i am to do all this testing, provide evidence to the court with 6month samples etc, an order that the child shall be returned to mother immediately, that the final hearing is vacated to allow for all this.

Then another draft order to the police for full dislocusre of the incident in question Inc camera footage/ statements etc. ( She was the one who ended up getting arrested ) And the reintroduction of involvement of cafcass. None of the orders have dates on them though. Where is has space for dates there left blank

Yes we had the first case and was due to go straight to final hearing in a few weeks. We both made court promises to each other , I was to find a parenting app etc which I have done, the court didn't mention anything about alcohol in the first meeting cafcass report when they were involved after the first set of allegations came back with no concerns.

They are draft orders from a solicitor, they aren't legal as havnt been done by the court I'm presuming? I'm guessing they are gona ask the Judge for what they sent u and request their draft orders be sent to the Judge to become official orders? May come to nothing ..

Once they are not done by the court , I would hold out

 

[Pj66]

Wait is this all by way of consent order?

Draft orders/ orders are to reflect accurately was was decided by the court made at the hearing.

They are drafting a consent order to be put to the judge? Or did you have a child arrangements order already ordered by the court? Ie interim order until final hearing?


"They have asked for a change of court, vacated the next hearing, have applied for an immediate live in order to be with the mother on the basis I'm an alcoholic and a risk. None of this was bought up in the first court case at all. Requesting cafcass to be involved again"


Ignore all this, it's fear tactics and bullying by her solicitor to get you to bend by agreement. The request is so bizarre, if they slammed a draft order down with that on it in front of the current judge, it should be thrown out.

It almost sounds like an appeal/ variation tactic but their solicitor is either completly dumb, or they are bullying you. I found that with my ex, she didn't get what she wanted, so shopped around for a solicitor to be her pit bull that does what she wants, in order to bully you and they never follow correct procedure.

They then use sneaky tactics but if you are clued up on these tactics, it will backfire on them.


Are you represented ?

 

[Ash]

After your FHDRA, was an interim order made for ongoing time between then and final hearing? It's a common tactic of solicitors to try to raise new allegations and cause delays. Presumably they are pushing for a Section 7 report from Cafcass.

I'd get some legal advice - you can get a free half hour with a solicitor or three.