Seperation Anxiety in Children (General)

[MagicJ]

Hi All,

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with KS2 age children who suffer from separation anxiety.

Mine won't let me go anywhere in the evening without bartering for me to stay at home.

This is now compounded by my ongoing situation which means when I need time to myself, which I usually take in the evenings and I leave, it just feels like I'm abandoning her.

I'm assuming X is just noting and recording everything to undermine me and going forward I may just need to suck it up.

in the medium term though, how do I deal with this in a child?

Thanks

 

[Ash]

How old is the child? I think most kids don't like you going out for the evening. My son, even if left with a trusted friend for a couple of hours, wouldn't go to sleep until I was back. I rarely did go out when they were under 9 to be honest.

 

[MagicJ]

Hey Ash, 10yo, I've struggled for a while with this, just feels like there is more to it.

 

[Ash]

It's because she doesn't live with you all the time. I'd still say kids don't like you going anywhere at night with a separated parenting schedule - they like to know you're around. I'd just keep the nights out for when she's not with you.

 

[MagicJ]

It's because she doesn't live with you all the time. I'd still say kids don't like you going anywhere at night with a separated parenting schedule - they like to know you're around. I'd just keep the nights out for when she's not with you.

@Ash , that's not yet the case as I'm still seperated but living at home.

I've I'm seperated, would be 100% on the page with that, down time would be fitted for when the kids were not going to be with me.

For now I'm trying to deal with the separation anxiety as best as I can whilst I'm still here.

 

[Ash]

Sorry I forgot that. Well it will be to do with the kids picking up that separation might be on the cards. I'm not sure there's much you can do really. She will be scared you might not come back so is clinging on. It's quite rational really - she may worry your ex might lock you out or something. These things do happen. Which is why you need a CAO in place asap, before you move out. Then you can tell the kids - you live with both of us legally, wherever I live is your home too and you will always see both of us because it's the law. Just very sad people can't always say that, when they don't have a "lives with both parents" order.

 

[Resolute]

I also think that kids have little radars that pick up on stuff parents are trying to hide from them.

Perhaps your daughter senses that her relationship with you is under threat. My child picked up on problems between me and my ex very early, before we did I think.

I got through my child wanting me there all the time by only leaving when I was given permission. There were many nights where I was by the bed until told I could go. Or, until the child was fast asleep.

In the medium term, I suggest you make sure the child knows she is your priority. If you invest in her now, the benefits will be there when things get difficult.

 

[MagicJ]

Thanks both.

I'm inclined to agree on the view that kids have an acute sense & the reason I've not been able to make headway is she can tell somethings wrong.

Will just have to keep my radar focused on her until I can break the news one way or another .

Appreciated