School meddling

[bujanin]

I've seen something on this written before but can't locate.

I now have a final CAO with a shared care order.

My sons (ten years old) school regularly involve him in private meetings with the headteacher or other safe guarding personnel. He asks me why they are asking questions about me and our time together.

Do I have a legal right to be made aware of all private meetings between a teacher and my son and a right to details of the conversation/reason for the meeting?

When we should be rebuilding and moving forward this is continuing to unsettle him.

 

[Oneofmany]

I would have thought whoever/whatever organisation put this would have kept you well informed on any plan that involves this type of meeting??

I would say if you have PR then you are entitled to know that they are being held and why. I can imagine it leads to very difficult questions bud. Ir sounds like a very unfair situation tbh. At least if you knew you could have some well thought out answers for the poor lad.

 

[nothernsoul]

100% you should be made aware of this.

Send the head teacher / safeguarding lead an email.

It might turn out you aren't entitled to know I'd it's sensitive to your ex but of they are asking your son about his time with you this is something you should be aware of.

I smell a rat.

 

[bujanin]

Okay thanks for your responses. It's helpful.

As an aside the school were a central part of my family law case as they leant into the mother strongly and bought her bs allegations. They have done their utmost to remove me from my son's life.

The powers that be through to judges ignored it all and my outcome has been entirely favourable but the school continue to effectively bully me. It's not unusual but it's extremely difficult to take them to task. It's important to know that the schools are populated by good and bad people and are certainly not worthy of being regarded as only interested in the child's welfare.

 

[nothernsoul]

Straight to the welfare and safeguarding lead and if you're not satisfied straight to OFSTED or the local authority with a welfare concern.

I had similar issues at my children's school. A firmly worked email with the hint of OFSTED or local authority safeguarding concerns soon snapped their attention back to where it needed to be.

 

[Ash]

What nothernsoul said. Put something in writing to the Headteacher first. Does the school have a copy of the court order? If not, send that as well. Keep the email very formal, but polite and child focused.

Eg

Dear Mr/Ms Headteacher

Re: CHILD NAME AS HEADING

I have some concerns that my son xxxxx, has apparently been having private meetings with staff, which I have not been informed about. I believe you are aware that xxxxxxxx lives with both his parents, under a court order dated xxxxxxxxx (attached). As such both his Mother and I are "the parent with care" and should both be kept fully informed about matters relating to xxx child name. As part of court proceedings it has been established that there are no welfare issues relating to either parent's care of xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and the issue of the "lives with both parents" order verifies this.

If xxxxx is having any problems in school, please can you let me know. It may be that you are offering him some support if he is struggling with something, and if so perhaps you could let me know. I can by contacted on this email or by mobile phone on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I look forward to hearing from you, or alternatively I could come in to see you to discuss the matter.

I also request that you do not discuss my email with xxxx's Mother and treat this matter in confidence as I do not wish xxxxx to be caught in the middle. His Mother and I unfortunately do not communicate easily so all information, newsletters, reports etc, will need to be sent to us both separately.

Yours sincerely,



xxxxxxxxxxxxx


For the email heading put Private and Confidential FAO Headteacher name

And send it to the school office email address.

 

[bujanin]

What nothernsoul said. Put something in writing to the Headteacher first. Does the school have a copy of the court order? If not, send that as well. Keep the email very formal, but polite and child focused.

Eg

Dear Mr/Ms Headteacher

Re: CHILD NAME AS HEADING

I have some concerns that my son xxxxx, has apparently been having private meetings with staff, which I have not been informed about. I believe you are aware that xxxxxxxx lives with both his parents, under a court order dated xxxxxxxxx (attached). As such both his Mother and I are "the parent with care" and should both be kept fully informed about matters relating to xxx child name. As part of court proceedings it has been established that there are no welfare issues relating to either parent's care of xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and the issue of the "lives with both parents" order verifies this.

If xxxxx is having any problems in school, please can you let me know. It may be that you are offering him some support if he is struggling with something, and if so perhaps you could let me know. I can by contacted on this email or by mobile phone on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I look forward to hearing from you, or alternatively I could come in to see you to discuss the matter.

I also request that you do not discuss my email with xxxx's Mother and treat this matter in confidence as I do not wish xxxxx to be caught in the middle. His Mother and I unfortunately do not communicate easily so all information, newsletters, reports etc, will need to be sent to us both separately.

Yours sincerely,



xxxxxxxxxxxxx


For the email heading put Private and Confidential FAO Headteacher name

And send it to the school office email address.

Thank you Ash I have used that template letter in the past hour.

Thank you.

 

[bujanin]

Straight to the welfare and safeguarding lead and if you're not satisfied straight to OFSTED or the local authority with a welfare concern.

I had similar issues at my children's school. A firmly worked email with the hint of OFSTED or local authority safeguarding concerns soon snapped their attention back to where it needed to be.

Thank you.

OFSTED seems tricky. They make a point of stating that they won't intervene in matters of dispute unless it revolves around education standards/issues.

I've gone via the LA recently to report that the schools meddling is affecting me and my sons ability to settle. They replied within 24 hours that it wasn't considered a safeguarding issue.

Really schools operate within their own little universe it's difficult to make anything stick.

 

[DadLad]

Long shot, but maybe try the education board and local mp?

 

[Dirge]

If it is one or two specific members of staff, which may include the headteacher or school bursar, that are biased against you, and the email Ash has suggested to the head has not worked, try raising the issue with the school governors. They are a "committee" which comprise a cross section of people with an interest in the school, not just teachers. They might be more impartial. The downside is there will be other parents on the board of governors and you may want to be discrete.

 

[DannyK]

It's a tricky one. I just had a favourable CAO made in November and surprise surprise.. my 5yr old daughter then got identified as needing an ELSA "intervention" at the behest of my Ex.

This is classic case-building by the Ex to build up a picture of the child 'struggling' with the new CAO, to then get CAFCASS involved and have it overturned.

However, I feel like the school have been quite fair with me so far, and I've been very careful not to slag Ex off and have even participated in school activities (ie. did a sponsored two minute juggle for Reception class for Children in Need which they loved).

I know my Ex is volunteering for every single school activity where they need extra hands, so feel like it's important the teachers get to know me too.

When I went in to meet with them this week to discuss the ELSA referral, it seemed like they were neutral (even helpful) but you never know..

Last year I thought I'd had a positive meeting with my daughter's GP (who turned out also to be my Ex's GP - talk about conflict of interests!), but then the GP sided with my Ex during proceedings, buying my Ex's false DA/DV allegations hook line and sinker.

Fortunately it didn't seem to matter - yet.

 

[bujanin]

If it is one or two specific members of staff, which may include the headteacher or school bursar, that are biased against you, and the email Ash has suggested to the head has not worked, try raising the issue with the school governors. They are a "committee" which comprise a cross section of people with an interest in the school, not just teachers. They might be more impartial. The downside is there will be other parents on the board of governors and you may want to be discrete.

Thank you. I have been entrenched in flushing out the truth of the schools involvement since my final CAO.
I've gone via the governors and been given the run around. The truth is out and I have had some joy but they continue to grind my gears.
The school is 93% female with a couple of token cucks. Even by UK primary school levels 93% is high.
As other blokes will of found, once the standard allegations are thrown many of the previously friendly folks become a holes.

 

[bujanin]

In reality I don't know how to forgive the unforgivable. The school, or at least a number of key individuals have acted against me throughout the family law case. I have come through it clean and the courts have awarded strongly in my favour. But the school has acted in a most discriminatory and despicable manner and I am simply fuming.

How would I go about removing my son from the school. The CAO is 50:50. He is not really happy there. I'd like to act swiftly and with stealth.

 

[proud_dad]

You risk being labelled as combative, and a conflict creator, which can harm the welfare of the child. Trying to remove him from the school may result in your ex submitting an application for a specific issue order for the child to remain in their current school. It would take a year minimum to run through the family court, incur costs, and likely get CAFCASS involved with a section 7, which would involve them interviewing your child for their "wishes and feelings". Who knows what the ex may coach them, with negative pressure, to say about you.

I think I would try other approaches first like being actively involved in parent-school activities. Not only would this comfort your child, but also build strong evidence in the future that you are a positive role model for your kid, and a good member of the community.

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm glad I've come across this thread. My partner is having similar issues with his kids school. Outright ignoring of emails now.
Will be contacting the Head.

 

[Yorkdad]

Gives me chills...I'm in a case where mother is a govener FFS! and been case building against me for 2 years with ELSA. A tough letter from solicitor wound their necks in but the "body of work" manipulated by ex is staggering. Fortunately, they tend to over do it and after a while it becomes very obvious of the manipulation tactic. Do a SAR for information. Teachers are primed for safegaurding and although good in heart they only react to information they are given...by a malicious ex.

 

[bujanin]

I'm glad I've come across this thread. My partner is having similar issues with his kids school. Outright ignoring of emails now.
Will be contacting the Head.

There comes a point where it is time to communicate with school governors. If you can ascertain which way that the head is leaning.

 

[bujanin]

Gives me chills...I'm in a case where mother is a govener FFS! and been case building against me for 2 years with ELSA. A tough letter from solicitor wound their necks in but the "body of work" manipulated by ex is staggering. Fortunately, they tend to over do it and after a while it becomes very obvious of the manipulation tactic. Do a SAR for information. Teachers are primed for safegaurding and although good in heart they only react to information they are given...by a malicious ex.

Crikey on the surface that's tricky for you but really the mother being on the board of the school will potentially work for you in defending any clear prejudice won't it?

I have submitted numerous SARS. The school has been the battleground from day one. Despite overwhelming evidence of their brutality and conspiring with the mother the system makes it virtually impossible to go after the safeguarders unless you have deep pockets. A no win no fee solicitor won't go near these type of cases. But the title of safeguarder has to be stopped being used as a shield to protect that person. I haven't used the word in my dealing but I feel misandry is clear.

 

[bujanin]

You risk being labelled as combative, and a conflict creator, which can harm the welfare of the child. Trying to remove him from the school may result in your ex submitting an application for a specific issue order for the child to remain in their current school. It would take a year minimum to run through the family court, incur costs, and likely get CAFCASS involved with a section 7, which would involve them interviewing your child for their "wishes and feelings". Who knows what the ex may coach them, with negative pressure, to say about you.

I think I would try other approaches first like being actively involved in parent-school activities. Not only would this comfort your child, but also build strong evidence in the future that you are a positive role model for your kid, and a good member of the community.

This is thoughtful. Thank you. Could I dm you please?

 

[Yorkdad]

Yes it's completely undermined her position...backfired. Though she has used it as a platform to raise social services concerns, back fired too. Your probably going to hit a wall with school. Play ball, be firm, complain to governors then LEA if your not happy...but as above play nice...at the very least for effect.