Rules on mandatory contribution to private school?

[bob77]

I have been divorced from my ex-wife for a number of years to whom we have a shared child. Recently she told me she is keen to get our child into a private school and asked if I would like to contribute to the cost. I looked into the costs and they are extremely high and I cannot afford to contribute in any meaningful way. It is not clear from her communication whether she is going to put our child through private school regardless or whether she is reliant on me contributing. I would like to seek clarification from her but would I be exposing myself in anyway to being committed to the private school fees simply by asking her some questions?

I understand the situation might be different if kids were already in private school and then the divorce happened after, but I'm assuming I am not on the hook because our divorce occurred a long time ago.

(just for context, of course I want the best for my child and if I had the money then I would support my child through their education for the best possible start. However, I just don't have the finances to assist)

 

[proud_dad]

Some questions:
1. What age/year are they in
2. How is their current school ? What is OFSTED rating? Is your child happy / flourishing in current school
3. Are their alternative good/outstanding government schools in the catchment area?
4. Would a move severely disrupt your child's education / welfare?
5. What is your current care arrangement (split of time, do you have a child arrangments order?)
6. Does your child know that his mum is thinking of enrolling them into a different/private school?
7. What does your divorce financial order say about financial contributions towards child?

If you answer these, I can help you more.

 

[Ash]

Proud Dad has some experience of this With a specific issues application over schools.

How amicable are things with your ex? Ie is it fairly amicable or just civilised at a distance? It's a difficult topic because it involves money.

I would send an initial polite email maybe similar to below (BIFF emails are good for tricky topics - brief, informative, formal, friendly - as if writing to a business colleage - keep any personal level out of it).

Dear Ex Name

Thank you for letting me know your thoughts at possibly wishing to send our child to a private school. I am sure we both want the best for his/her education. My concerns would be the costs involved. I would have happily contributed towards a private education, if I was in a better financial position to be able to do so. Schools also vary very much and my own thoughts would be that it needs to be the right school for our son/daughter. There are some outstanding state schools with many opportunities as well, and amongst those, some have a happier atmosphere and better ethos than others. And there are some private schools that don't necessarily have a happy atmosphere.

Could you perhaps send me details of schools you were considering (both state and private) please? Also is there some specific reason you are considering private schools at this time? Other than just for educational reasons. And which locations/schools are you were thinking of?

I look forward to hearing from you and discussing this further.

Regards, you.

Hopefully the above will make clear that no you can't contribute but are not just trying to avoid the best for your child and are thinking of child's best interests.

I'm guessing she's talking secondary schools. Is your child about to start secondary school next year? Or are they already at a secondary school and your ex is thinking of a change of school?

I think it's important to know which schools/locations, as if it's further away from you (or even boarding school?!) it could affect your schedule with your child and relationship. So you also need to work out if this is a genuine thing or an excuse to disrupt the current schedule (which happens a lot).

Because even if your ex decides to pay for it herself (or with family help eg) you still have a say in which school a child goes to and what is best for them. And if both parents want different schools - the court will decide (if you apply over the matter). It's a major aspect of parental responsibility - decisions on education.

 

[Ash]

If your ex's reasons are genuine, and not to disrupt your parenting schedule, there are many reason people choose a private school and its not just for education - it can be because they want them to mix with and make friends with "the right kind of people" for example. Or some particular opportunity that comes from a school.

 

[StayStrong]

One more Q to add to Proud_dad's.......do you pay or receive any CMS?

SS.

 

[bob77]

Hi, thank you all for your replies. I've answered the questions below

Some questions:
1. What age/year are they in
2. How is their current school ? What is OFSTED rating? Is your child happy / flourishing in current school
3. Are their alternative good/outstanding government schools in the catchment area?
4. Would a move severely disrupt your child's education / welfare?
5. What is your current care arrangement (split of time, do you have a child arrangments order?)
6. Does your child know that his mum is thinking of enrolling them into a different/private school?
7. What does your divorce financial order say about financial contributions towards child?

If you answer these, I can help you more.

1. Currently in year 6, going to year 7 in 2023
2. Child is happy and doing pretty well in most subjects in current school.
3. Just to clarify, none of the schools that are being considered are that far away, I'd say furthest school is about 10 miles away from the current school.
4. Sorry if there's any confusion but current school is primary and child has reached highest year for the school (year 6). The schools being considered wouldn't require a change of home location. All are within the same local area.
5. Mutual agreement for child care split. Total of a few days a month with me. There are no child arrangement orders.
6. Yes, child has attended some of the open days to the schools already but I was not aware of this until after the open days.
7. I am paying child maintenance via CMS as per their calculations

1. How amicable are things with your ex? Ie is it fairly amicable or just civilised at a distance? It's a difficult topic because it involves money.
2. I'm guessing she's talking secondary schools. Is your child about to start secondary school next year?

3. I think it's important to know which schools/locations, as if it's further away from you (or even boarding school?!) it could affect your schedule with your child and relationship.

4. you still have a say in which school a child goes to and what is best for them. And if both parents want different schools - the court will decide (if you apply over the matter). It's a major aspect of parental responsibility - decisions on education.

1. Civilised at a distance
2. Correct
3. All schools are reasonably local, so shouldn't affect schedule with child
4. I have not been consulted about or informed about which schools, nor was I invited to join them on any of the open school day visits (I only found out about them afterwards). Receiving communication about school costs is the first I am hearing about this.

If your ex's reasons are genuine, and not to disrupt your parenting schedule, there are many reason people choose a private school and its not just for education - it can be because they want them to mix with and make friends with "the right kind of people" for example. Or some particular opportunity that comes from a school.

1. I don't have an issue with the private school. If money was no object, I do feel it is the right choice for my child.

One more Q to add to Proud_dad's.......do you pay or receive any CMS?

SS.

1. Yes, I pay this as per CMS's calculation.

 

[Ash]

In that case I would just send something like the suggested email above.

 

[proud_dad]

If schooling is not an issue, only the fees, then you are not obliged to pay towards this as it has not been court ordered. I would agree with Ash's approach.

 

[StayStrong]

Thanks for the A.

If your child were to board either occasionally, regularly (eg every Tues and Thurs) or FT a reduction in CMS is due if those nights are with Mum.....and vice versa.

If you do contribute to fees you establsh a precedent, but if your financials are Court resolved already that is not the case.....only morally of course.

If you so wished, you could suggest to Mum that your current CMS paymemt is anulled and you will instead contribute the same £££'s directly to a sink fund for school fee payment. But take note of the 1st para in this instance and its overall implications.

SS.