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Routine being used to limit my time

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Iain4444

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Hi there,

Has anyone encountered the argument that a routine has been established and therefore certain days cannot be relinquished to the dad when seeking an increase in overnights?

I’m about to go to court and know that one of my exes key arguments in relation to me not having our two year old on a Friday (when i don’t work) is because he has an established routine with her (she has stated forest school and going to the zoo, as well as seeing his friends).

I’d like to be able to have him for long weekends Friday, Saturday, Sunday eventually but feel like her attempt is to block this.

From a bit of research i’ve established that children dont really have much in the way of social needs until they are 3 (ie they dont necessarily have the ability to form friendships until this age).

Has anyone had experience using this argument in court or any success dealing with supposed routines?

Thanks!
 
I think your ex is taking the p155. If your kid is less than three, then the 'established routine' excuse won't fly, especially at that age because routines will come and go (which I would emphasise to the court and if you can evidence that with your own child, even better). However, if the child has special needs, then an established routine may be necessary and disrupting that can harm the child.
 
Child can continue established routine with Dad on certain days instead of Mum :) Yes your ex is taking the P155!

Children also adapt to new routines easily - the main thing is they are with a parent they know and have a bond with. They can even have completely different routines in either home and adapt to that kind of difference.

There is a bit of an assumption that a child's activities will be a priority - usually when they're a bit older though - so you could take them to forest club. On the other hand if they miss it every other week because you have different plans, it's not the end of the world.

What your ex is saying is - I have a nice routine with child who only needs me blah blah.
 
Ah thanks both, its reassuring to know that you think a judge will see through this type of reasoning.

I’ve been asking to attend doctors appointments (nothing serious) but my ex is refusing.

Do either of you have experience navigating this and or do you know how much weight this carries?
 
routine,, that old cherry.

Routines can change, do change, have to change , always change , should change. Routine is just an excuse , a childish argument.
 
If her only concern is routine then she's clutching at straws.
The family court is there for the children, not the adults.
Part of the childrens welfare checklist mentions the capability of the parents and circumstances that could effect the child but no judge in the land will say "This child shouldn't have a relationship with their father anymore because of a routine". Lol
 
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The Welfare Checklist - childlawadvice.org.uk

The overriding consideration in family proceedings is the question of "what is in the best interests of the child/children?" In answering this question, the court and other professionals are guided by a criteria known as the Welfare Checklist. This page will set out where the Welfare Checklist...
childlawadvice.org.uk childlawadvice.org.uk

See checklist here
 
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Thanks all - i ended up paying for a further mediation session in August just to try and see if we could move forward. It was a bit of a waste of time and wasn’t very solution focussed.

My ex followed up a few days later with new proposals which conceded some further overnights - going from 6 to 8 a month. It would mean that twice a month i have instances of two consecutive overnights.

If agreed she also wants an 8 to 10month freeze before any further increases are considered.

My son is currently 2 and a bit, so he’d be almost 3 by the time any further overnight increases could take place.

My solicitor is encouraging me to take the increase so as to set a precedent of consecutive overnights but I want to go from 6 to 9 to 12 overnights, gradually over a three month period. I also want Friday overnights instead of/in addition to the Monday nights she is offering (monday is his nursery day)

Am I being too ambitious/unreasonable?
What would a typical increase look like for a two year old if a court were involved?

Is it possible to have my counter proposals reviewed on here?

Thanks as ever guys!

Iain
 
Replied on your other thread. There is no reason a 2 to 3 year old shouldn't have 50/50.

A typical increase would be what you ask for really

eg every other week-end and one midweek night for 3 months, then every other week-end and two midweek nights for 3 months, then full 50/50 with a 2-2-5-5- schedule.

You ask for what you want. Don't ask, don't get. There is always room for negotiation at court.
 
My ex got shut down by Judge as soon as she mentioned about activities and routines when I asked for contact on the specific time. Judge just stated what activity is more important than spending time with family?
 
Thanks square trigger. I know it sounds stupid but honestly get so lost in all of this trying to understand how seriously a court will see things. My instincts are always that 99% of what she is saying is daft (to put it politely) but it all feels like a game and that you have to tread carefully!

So good to know the reality!
 
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