Possible false ADHD claims

[Jayy_]

Hi all,

In safeguarding report, it stated that mother said child is undergoing ADHD assessment as she sees behaviour in child that alludes to this. She mentioned this has been backed by the school that a diagnosis should be considered for child. Mother also said she was diagnosed as an adult.

I have spoken to the deputy headteacher over the phone who also deals with SENDCO and he has stated that the school did not say that. Child only underwent dyslexia screening which came back as false I.e child is not dyslexic and he stated child is performing to the ability as needed.

I really do believe possible ADHD claim for child was false. Child is 8 and I have never seen any signs in child. And nor does child’s school. I regularly spent time with child before withholding started.

I also suspect mother’s diagnosis is false. She’s likely self diagnosing.

My worry is that, if she is self diagnosing him with ADHD, she may be treating him differently based on this. It’s also just very delusional to force neurodivergence on a child :/

She also mentioned she has paid for private therapy for child which I also reckon is false.

In my original position statement I requested for court to order mother to give details of GP and ADHD assessment. I sent this to mother as well so she is aware of my position.

I was meant to bring this up in court as I spoke to school the morning of hearing. However the officer in charge was busy when I went and My FDHRA was adjourned. The next date isn’t until another 6 weeks.

Do I just sit tight on this in the interim or can I politely request to mother directly for the ADHD assessment and GP details. Not sure what to do here… I just find it very weird and worry for my child.

Any advice is always appreciated

 

[Resolute]

It is a pity you do not have what the school told you in writing. Do you think you could get something in writing from them? If not, you could do an Educational Record Request to get details on the child. This is simpler for the school to process than a Subject Access Request and it is under different legislation.

As you are asking the court to order your ex to give GP and ADHD assessment details, you probably should request them from her. Just a really brief note. Perhaps you could request a response within 7 days. If you do not get a response a quick reminder message letting her know that failure to respond will be taken as refusal to provide the info.

Tread carefully on this stuff. It would suit your ex for you to look like you are dismissing the child's needs.

 

[Jayy_]

It is a pity you do not have what the school told you in writing. Do you think you could get something in writing from them? If not, you could do an Educational Record Request to get details on the child. This is simpler for the school to process than a Subject Access Request and it is under different legislation.

As you are asking the court to order your ex to give GP and ADHD assessment details, you probably should request them from her. Just a really brief note. Perhaps you could request a response within 7 days. If you do not get a response a quick reminder message letting her know that failure to respond will be taken as refusal to provide the info.

Tread carefully on this stuff. It would suit your ex for you to look like you are dismissing the child's needs.

Hi resolute thanks for the response.

The day I spoke to the headteacher was same day as hearing so you can imagine it was a hectic and I forgot to follow up. It was also the last day of term.

I plan to follow up via email thanking for the call and for written confirmation of the no concerns regarding ADHD as soon as half term is over. I honestly do not see any reason why they wouldn’t be able to put this in writing, so hopefully should get this easily. They weren’t difficult when I emailed them requesting to put me back on comms (mother told them to take me off and they did) and the deputy headteacher followed up with the call and an apology. I also enquired on updates about child during the call, including the ADHD assessment.

I will politely ask mother via email too.

Fully aware how sensitive this can be so this is why I came here for advice. I am unable to afford a lawyer atm.

My aim is to more so just present facts as oppose to saying I do not believe the diagnosis is real. So I’ll see what her response is.

 

[Peanut 21]

Sometimes kids behaviour when dealing with emotional problems, such as when parents separate, can mimic a kid with ADHD.
It's yet another textbook thing these mothers push.
Either ADHD or autism gets bandied about. It's the latest condition to self diagnose so the mother gets sympathy and attention.
Along with 'my kid is gay/trans/depressed/anxious/got an eating disorder'.
Which takes away help for kids who genuinely do tick one of the above.

 

[Jayy_]

Sometimes kids behaviour when dealing with emotional problems, such as when parents separate, can mimic a kid with ADHD.
It's yet another textbook thing these mothers push.
Either ADHD or autism gets bandied about. It's the latest condition to self diagnose so the mother gets sympathy and attention.
Along with 'my kid is gay/trans/depressed/anxious/got an eating disorder'.
Which takes away help for kids who genuinely do tick one of the above.

We’ve never been together, child was born in to us being separated.

The school did say child behaviour was not the best at the start of the new school. Child was moved areas, school and withheld from me all within the same time so I’m sure that would have an affect.

School said child behaviour has greatly improved but ADHD was not a consideration. Child is doing well and performing as expected.

I guess she’s playing a game here. She is very much an attention seeker so this makes sense.

Hopefully I can get this thrashed out.

Thanks for the insight @Peanut 21

 

[Altitude60]

My child 8 has adhd the mother had diagnosed without me while no contact while I personally don't feel like my child has adhd I've just accepted the diagnoses and want to support now , I was worried about it at FHDRA incase it was used to minimise time with me which mother did try to say however the court acknowledged it but lightly brushed over it not being a vaild excuse to minimise time with me while my intriem isn't the best it better than some so I can't complain yet to have my final hearing but I'd advise you to just tread carefully accept and be there for your child what I would be more concerned about is being left out of the diagnoses process I feel its important for both parents to be there .

 

[Jayy_]

My child 8 has adhd the mother had diagnosed without me while no contact while I personally don't feel like my child has adhd I've just accepted the diagnoses and want to support now , I was worried about it at FHDRA incase it was used to minimise time with me which mother did try to say however the court acknowledged it but lightly brushed over it not being a vaild excuse to minimise time with me while my intriem isn't the best it better than some so I can't complain yet to have my final hearing but I'd advise you to just tread carefully accept and be there for your child what I would be more concerned about is being left out of the diagnoses process I feel its important for both parents to be there .

Hi, I definitely agree. If child has any sort of diagnosis I would completely want to be in the know and ensure I can offer child the full support child needs. That is how I also will be framing the email to Childs mother. She said child is undergoing assessment as opposed to any diagnosis yet so I would appreciate transparency on this.

I’m more concerned as she said the school have told her it should be considered whereas when I spoke to them they said no. I was ready to give her the benefit of the doubt until the school said they’ve never suggested or seen a concern for that.

She has a history of lying so I am more skeptical.

Ultimately, I just want to know the truth in tne matter. I definitely will not voice my thoughts that I do think it’s true. But rather would like details of this assessment child is undergoing.

Thank you for your response @Altitude60. It’s also good to know it did not affect interim contact.

 

[Jayy_]

Hi all,

Mother did respond but refused to give details unless ordered by CAFASS or the courts.

Can this be seen as undermining my parental responsibility? Or lack of communication? Wondering how I should frame this on my position statement.

Or should I just simply state she refused to give details

 

[Resolute]

I would state that you are left with no option but to rely upon the Court for assistance as EX has refused to share information absent explicit order of the court.

 

[Ash]

It's a medical issue, you have equal PR, she needs to share the info. Have you contacted the child's doctor and asked for any diagnoses? Sometimes the courts just say - you have PR, just find out for yourself if she won't tell you.

 

[Resolute]

I think she is refusing to provide details of surgery. Otherwise, template letter in resources would be the option.

 

[childfirst]

In the area where my child lives 3 or 4 surgeries come under the same group. Would a google map search tell you have many doctors surgies are within a 10 mile radius? You could call them all asking to make an appointment. Clearly 99.9% will say not registered but you may strike gold.
If your child has been treated at hospital they may have the records - You can ask PALS.
Local Health Authority perhaps can advise.
NHS England perhaps can advise.

Sorry not a direct help but calling around is prob the best bet if you have not tried this yet.

 

[Jayy_]

It's a medical issue, you have equal PR, she needs to share the info. Have you contacted the child's doctor and asked for any diagnoses? Sometimes the courts just say - you have PR, just find out for yourself if she won't tell you.

Hi Ash,

I do not have details of his surgery, he has been moved. She asked the school to remove me off his records but she mistakenly included a screenshot the mentioned the schools name, that’s the only reason I was able to find out the school. So I equally wouldn’t be surprised if she’s done the same.

Should I respond to her that I have PR or should I just leave it and rely on the court?

 

[Jayy_]

In the area where my child lives 3 or 4 surgeries come under the same group. Would a google map search tell you have many doctors surgies are within a 10 mile radius? You could call them all asking to make an appointment. Clearly 99.9% will say not registered but you may strike gold.
If your child has been treated at hospital they may have the records - You can ask PALS.
Local Health Authority perhaps can advise.
NHS England perhaps can advise.

Sorry not a direct help but calling around is prob the best bet if you have not tried this yet.

This is an option but how do I prove to NHS to pass any details? It seems they can be quite difficult from other men’s stories and have also informed the mother. But I will be willing to give it try

 

[Jayy_]

I would state that you are left with no option but to rely upon the Court for assistance as EX has refused to share information absent explicit order of the court.

Thanks Resolute! She is a very difficult person so likely will be the way forward. Is it worth mentioning to her about PR etc?

 

[childfirst]

This is an option but how do I prove to NHS to pass any details? It seems they can be quite difficult from other men’s stories and have also informed the mother. But I will be willing to give it try

Do you have a copy of birth certificate? If not you can obtain this easily as either a standard or rushed service online.
I had a copy of my daughters passport only with my doctors and when I explained the situation they were fine with that.
Best of luck