People to avoid

[Unknown01]

I've recently been giving a lot of thought to why men would ever be willing to enter a relationship with a woman who has the children 100% of the time, receives spousal maintenance or who lives in a house that they clearly cannot afford from their own endeavours. Why don't they see any of these things as a bloody great red flag?

I think men need to act with more solidarity. The kind of women who sponge off their exes or deny access to people's children should have the spotlight shone on them as the kind of women that men should avoid having anything to do with.

 

[Roblox]

I've thought about this too the past few years.

I think some of it is to do with men having not had the experience many of us have had on this forum simply not realising what is really going on.

I suspect (don't have anything to back this up) that circumstances plays a big part. So for example the man that gets his own place, whether rented or a new purchase, is less likely to entertain the type you describe than a bloke say post separation back with parents say or in a house share etc (which is basically what happened with my ex and her new partner).

 

[Peanut 21]

I think it's men with low self esteem.
Men with integrity and self worth wouldn't get themselves in that situation.

 

[bujanin]

The problem lies within the pants.

 

[Unknown01]

I think the lower earner divorcee who gets the lion's share of assets, claims spousal maintenance or squats on their ex's mortgage capacity is a pathetic excuse for a human being but even they are superior to the new cohabiting partner who also ends up depending on the ex.

I think it's important to give people like this a stigma and to ostracise them in order to fight back against unfair divorces. The fear of being shunned should be high up in the minds of people seeking unfair divorce settlements.

Bad judges should be named and shamed online too, obviously from abroad. I'll be doing that if I find myself having to move to a non-REMO country to compensate myself for an unfair asset split or to avoid spousal maintenance. I think publicly shaming all these people on a database would change divorce in this country for the better. It's a national embarrassment that foreign lower earner spouses still come here to divorce.

 

[Roblox]

Your first paragraph is pretty much my situation.

It does seem to be 'every man for himself' so to speak in the post separation/divorce world.

Some of the statistics (to the extent there's stuff out there) does seem pretty grim for men in this situation. Pay the CMS and if you're lucky Mother will 'let'you see the kids so she gets a break...

 

[Ash]

I've seen the odd post from Stepdads who say the wife's ex is a no good blah blah and he's paid for and brought the children up as his own. I suspect it is convenient for a man who marries a woman with kids, to want the normal family life without the Dad involved. And to feel important as the provider, husband and parent. Also perhaps a bit of rivalry - I'm better than him type thing.

 

[Unknown01]

I've seen the odd post from Stepdads who say the wife's ex is a no good blah blah and he's paid for and brought the children up as his own. I suspect it is convenient for a man who marries a woman with kids, to want the normal family life without the Dad involved. And to feel important as the provider, husband and parent. Also perhaps a bit of rivalry - I'm better than him type thing.

I'm not really thinking of men like that. I'm thinking more the kind of losers who move in with a recipient of spousal maintenance or with someone who lives in a house with a Mesher Order on it and then tries to maintain this status quo where the couple are sponging off the ex-husband rather than becoming a financially independent couple. I even once saw one of these cocklodgers on Wikivorce asking for advice as to how they could make the ex-husband carry on paying their partner spousal maintenance.

There is something beneath contempt about people like this.

 

[Unknown01]

Your first paragraph is pretty much my situation.

It does seem to be 'every man for himself' so to speak in the post separation/divorce world.

Some of the statistics (to the extent there's stuff out there) does seem pretty grim for men in this situation. Pay the CMS and if you're lucky Mother will 'let'you see the kids so she gets a break...

My wife would have a mental breakdown if she had to have the children more than 60% of the time let alone all the time so I'm not really worried about that!

In fact, one of my strongest arguments against her ridiculous claims for maintenance is that if she gets more than she would through CMS based on having them 100% of the time, she will get them 100% of the time. I'll still see them of course, for all the good times, but I'll leave her contemplating whether she really wants the children at home 365 days a year stopping her spending the night with any one of her three current boyfriends (no, I'm not making that up).

 

[Roblox]

I'm not really thinking of men like that. I'm thinking more the kind of losers who move in with a recipient of spousal maintenance or with someone who lives in a house with a Mesher Order on it and then tries to maintain this status quo where the couple are sponging off the ex-husband rather than becoming a financially independent couple. I even once saw one of these cocklodgers on Wikivorce asking for advice as to how they could make the ex-husband carry on paying their partner spousal maintenance.

There is something beneath contempt about people like this.

You do wonder how they reconcile it in their own mind not feeling a need to take responsibility for themselves

 

[Peanut 21]

Plenty of losers about. Male and female