Parenting Agreement for Teenagers and Specific Issues Order Question

[MrThomas]

Hi all – I’m looking for some advice on the following.

I have been divorced for 3 years and we have 50/50 shared custody (not set via an order). The children’s mother now wants to agree on a parenting plan, despite the children being 12 and 13 now, I didn’t have an issue with it as it seemed sensible to me albeit, 3 years late.

However, there is a disagreement over communication with the other parent when not in their care. There is no issue with texting or phoning, it’s more to do with face to face contact.

We live close to each other so we will see the children out and about sometimes, the mum wants me to ignore the children if that happens. I’m not to say hello, ask how their day is etc.

In another situation, she will not let the children go and play with school friends because those friends play on my street, therefore increasing the chances of me seeing the children when it’s not my week. If they were to play near my street and needed to pop in for assistance or use the toilet, I don’t see that as an issue. She does.

If I flip it, she’s essentially saying she doesn’t want to see her children when not in her care, whether they need assistance or not.

The reason being, she works more hours than me so the opportunity for the boys to pop to hers ad hoc if required is less than for them to pop to me. She also says, it harms the relationship with the parent the children are with that week yet I see no evidence of that.

So that’s a sticking point, has anyone failed to agree on a parenting plan for this type of reason and it ended up going to court for a child arrangements order? If so, would the court see her point of view as being unreasonable especially since that type of contact has been in place for 3 years and there is no safeguarding issue?

The linked issue I have is she is hinting that unless I agree to her plan, she will rescind her permission for me to take the children abroad this year in July. She has no valid reason to deny the holiday.

I have read https://dadswithkids.co.uk/ams/holi...to-prevent-you-taking-the-kids-on-holiday.13/ which is useful but having looked at applying for a specific issues order, to get permission to continue with the holiday, the GOV website doesn’t make sense, I see no option to request an urgent hearing and MIAM isn’t an option as she wont go or wont change her stance and the holiday isn’t too far away.

Any advice on that issue too is appreciated.

 

[Peanut 21]

Before responding to your ex I highly recommend sitting down with your boys and telling them that if they ever see you when it's 'mums time' they should not hesitate to come over and chat.
You are their father, not some random adult they barely know.
Then tell your ex that if she wants to do that when the boys are with you that's fine.
She has no right to dictate how you will interact with your sons at any given time.
They are old enough now that court probably isn't worth it.
Their wishes and feelings will be taken seriously so hopefully they'll see dad as the flexible calm parent and mum as unreasonable and ridiculous.

 

[MrThomas]

Thanks Peanut 21.

Unfortunately, she does feel she has the right and she's saying her solicitor is advising her the same.
I don't want to get the kids in trouble but I certainly wont be ignoring them or turning them away from my house if they need assistance! All I can see happening is the kids start lying to her and hiding the fact they saw me and had a chat or popped in to say hello.

She doesn't see them as being old enough and is stubborn enough to go the court route for a child arrangements order just to get her way, or at least try.

I can only assume with the court backlogs, the kids will be at least 13 and 14 and the court wouldn't understand why the 3/4 year status quo really needs changing now.

Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of issue, especially when the kids are secondary school age?

Also, with applying for an urgent specific issues order, how did you do it and did you do MIAM before submitting?

 

[proud_dad]

Do the kids have their own phones?

 

[MrThomas]

Yeah, both kids have their own phones and contacting them on them isn't an issue, she's fine with that. It's just the in person contact she has an issue with

 

[Ash]

Has something triggered this? ie have the kids been popping over to yours all the time when they are supposed to be with your ex? It sounds excessively regimented to say they can't play with friends or speak to you if you're there.

I agree that going to court by the time they're 13 or 14 maybe isn't a good idea. It'll put them under pressure to say what their Mother wants as well maybe.

Some things must have not been going well for your ex to suddenly want a parenting agreement and feeling threatened somehow. Have their been any other changes? Eg have you met a new partner?

Specific issues - it depends if it's urgent or not. It's just a C100 form and you attach the confirmation of booking of the holiday and explain the situation and ask for the holiday to be ordered. It's quite straightforward but there is a court fee. In most cases, if it's for a holiday, it's an urgent 48 hour application (which could be two weeks these days) - ie when it gets nearer the holiday if she refuses or won't give you the passports. If you apply earlier, it could be a slow process as it's not urgent, or they may say - it's too far away from the holiday right now. You could apply for child arrangements as well on the same form if you wanted to go that route. Technically you don't need a MIAM if it's an urgent application for specific issues - eg a couple of weeks before the holiday. But it can be a good idea to have one anyway, to make sure the application gets accepted, and they do like people to have tried mediation first.

I would try and resolve this if you can, and avoid court.