There is a lot in the media at the moment from Womens Groups trying to prevent Parental Alienation being included in the Domestic Violence Bill. Claiming it doesn't exist and is used by male abusers.
Parental Alienation does exist - and yes it can be falsely claimed by abusers - both male and female. It is why it is never a good idea to claim parental alienation by your ex in a court application even if that is what is happening. Because Cafcass may think you are one of the abusers falsely accusing parental alienation (because that is what alienators do - accuse the other parent of doing what they are doing!).
Complex. General advice is to put across what is happening without using the term "Parental Alienation" and skirt around it. It is a big topic. The only people who can actually say it is parental alienation is an expert report or a Judge. And any kind of allegation of Parental Alienation needs to be backed up by evidence. Otherwise it could just be seen as mudslinging. Court is not the only way to handle it but sometimes it is a last desperate attempt for a solution - and the only option if your kids are being witheld.
If you are on the receving end of parental alienation, you know what it is. Thankfully most ex's are not that bad. They may mess about with dates or disrupt things in a minor way or try to micromanage your time but that can be dealt with - and not many become full blown alienators. Those that do - there is a view that they have a personality disorder. That is possible. In my mind some alienators just do it - because they can - out of revenge and a desire to get rid of the Dad out of their lives.
It is very difficult to prove in court without expert documentation - eg psychologists reports. Cafcass, are really not qualified to understand Parental Alienation (IMO) and mistakenly class many cases as "conflict between parents" - tarring you both with the same brush.
Which is why it is VERY important to never say anything negative about the ex. So it is abundantly clear that only one parent is creating the conflict and the other (you) is whiter than white, reasonable and co operative. The best way to initially combat parental alienation is with a good court order for as much time as possible with the children - 50/50 shared care. That gives them half the time in a normal environment (with you) and less opportunity for their Mother to brainwash them. Once the Mother has effectively lost "sole residence" by means of a shared care order, many will actually just give up trying to alienate. But may always cause some trouble. So that is when you need support on here! And tips from others about how to negotiate this situation. There are also some good books on how to handle it.
Parental alienation is child abuse - you wonder - what are they doing to make the child hostile? Or refuse to come. It is a combination of brainwashing (erasing happy memories and replacing them with false ones), coercive control (intimidation and threats if the child doesn't obey or follow their instructions) and can be verbal and physical abuse as well. To make the child refuse to come and reject the other parent. Any serious behavioural concerns or injuries, contact social services.
Karen and Nick Woodall have a book on Parental Alienation. It's a hard read and not that reader friendly but there is a good chapter in it on getting a good court order, written by Nick Woodall. It is worth getting just for that chapter and it explains how this is the first step to preventing parental alienation - and how to prepare for a good court order.
There is recent case law on Parental Alienation cases. Re R the Judge ordered a suspended residence order with a 50/50 shared care order. So that if the Mother didn't comply then residence would be transferred. The Full Judgement is available online (below)
Suspended Residence Order - Parental Alienation
Full Judgement - Re R
Parental Alienation does exist - and yes it can be falsely claimed by abusers - both male and female. It is why it is never a good idea to claim parental alienation by your ex in a court application even if that is what is happening. Because Cafcass may think you are one of the abusers falsely accusing parental alienation (because that is what alienators do - accuse the other parent of doing what they are doing!).
Complex. General advice is to put across what is happening without using the term "Parental Alienation" and skirt around it. It is a big topic. The only people who can actually say it is parental alienation is an expert report or a Judge. And any kind of allegation of Parental Alienation needs to be backed up by evidence. Otherwise it could just be seen as mudslinging. Court is not the only way to handle it but sometimes it is a last desperate attempt for a solution - and the only option if your kids are being witheld.
If you are on the receving end of parental alienation, you know what it is. Thankfully most ex's are not that bad. They may mess about with dates or disrupt things in a minor way or try to micromanage your time but that can be dealt with - and not many become full blown alienators. Those that do - there is a view that they have a personality disorder. That is possible. In my mind some alienators just do it - because they can - out of revenge and a desire to get rid of the Dad out of their lives.
It is very difficult to prove in court without expert documentation - eg psychologists reports. Cafcass, are really not qualified to understand Parental Alienation (IMO) and mistakenly class many cases as "conflict between parents" - tarring you both with the same brush.
Which is why it is VERY important to never say anything negative about the ex. So it is abundantly clear that only one parent is creating the conflict and the other (you) is whiter than white, reasonable and co operative. The best way to initially combat parental alienation is with a good court order for as much time as possible with the children - 50/50 shared care. That gives them half the time in a normal environment (with you) and less opportunity for their Mother to brainwash them. Once the Mother has effectively lost "sole residence" by means of a shared care order, many will actually just give up trying to alienate. But may always cause some trouble. So that is when you need support on here! And tips from others about how to negotiate this situation. There are also some good books on how to handle it.
Parental alienation is child abuse - you wonder - what are they doing to make the child hostile? Or refuse to come. It is a combination of brainwashing (erasing happy memories and replacing them with false ones), coercive control (intimidation and threats if the child doesn't obey or follow their instructions) and can be verbal and physical abuse as well. To make the child refuse to come and reject the other parent. Any serious behavioural concerns or injuries, contact social services.
Karen and Nick Woodall have a book on Parental Alienation. It's a hard read and not that reader friendly but there is a good chapter in it on getting a good court order, written by Nick Woodall. It is worth getting just for that chapter and it explains how this is the first step to preventing parental alienation - and how to prepare for a good court order.
There is recent case law on Parental Alienation cases. Re R the Judge ordered a suspended residence order with a 50/50 shared care order. So that if the Mother didn't comply then residence would be transferred. The Full Judgement is available online (below)
Suspended Residence Order - Parental Alienation
Full Judgement - Re R
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