Non molestation order

[bristol360]

Just looking for advice.

What are are my options with the hearing? It feels like I need to either accept it and move on, no point defending even though evidence is weak.

 

[mikeayo1891]

Dont accept it if evidence is weak as it may affect your standing with Cafcass and may affect how they view you and it will also send a message to your ex that you're a weakling and someone easy to control.

Defend yourself and present evidence against her allegations. Then immediately tell the judge that you are happy to write a unilateral undertaking to not do what she is accusing you of doing if that will give her peace of mind.

 

[bristol360]

Just to add, she isn't looking to restrict child access as they are quite old ( mid teens) just stay in the family home, preventing sale and making me pay the mortgage. She's filed it herself, used info from the statement she gave to the police. Does not have legal representation.

 

[bristol360]

Thanks, how do you actually submit evidence on the day? Is it before the hearing or do I hand over a doc (I have video and audio recordings of her behaviour) as I'm there?

 

[mikeayo1891]

Just write and email in you defence and state that you have video and audio recordings to prove this. Ask for the judge for permission to send these recordings. But your focus should be to give an undertaking and for the nmo to be dismissed. If you accept the nmo she could easily then use it to get an occupation order against you and you're kicked out of the house pending judgement which could take forever if she knows how to delay things.

 

[Ash]

I'm not sure video and audio recordings are that helpful as they can be seen as only a snapshot of an event without the rest of the event.

I would agree that you write a statement for the hearing defending yourself (without sounding like you're accusing the ex of anything or it could turn into a contested nmo that drags on a long time) - but at the end of it say you're happy to make an undertaking.

An undertaking says you won't do xyz as mikeayo says - but it doesn't have the power of arrest attached to it. If the Judge refuses to accept an undertaking, then you can accept an nmo "without admission". In other words, an nmo is there but on the basis you don't agree the allegations and they're not proven. The downside to that option is it does still have the power of arrest if you breach it. So you have to be careful not to breach it. Some ex's deliberately try and trap you into breaching it by contacting you or asking to meet up etc and being all friendly.

 

[bristol360]

Thanks all.

So email my defence?

- I can't see anywhere I can do this on the docs I've been served.

My statement?

Is that sent in advance or prepared to read on the day?

Any video/audio evidence - bit of a disagreement here!

This are incidents with videos showing her being harassing/cruel towards me and photos of me taken without my consent when asleep. Not worth it?

 

[bristol360]

And generally should I list out all of the incidents and allegations and comment on each or just blanket say I refute all of the allegations made.

 

[Ash]

I think normally people just turn up and offer an undertaking to be honest. One concern I have with submitting a statement and evidence up front, is it gives your ex information that could be saved for Child Arrangements hearings. ie gives her time to work out how to undermine your defence.

I think a video showing her doing something might lead to her saying it was in response to you doing something so the court might say - we didn't see what happened before this. Also I think showing the ex doing something bad, doesn't help prove you might have done something bad., It doesn't work that way.

I'll wait to see what others have done - quite a few have gone for undertakings at NMO hearings. It would help if you could afford a barrister for the hearing. More chance of a cross undertaking perhaps.

 

[bristol360]

Would the same apply in reverse? As in, the papers mention audio clips of certain events. I'm just worried there is no weight here by me. Ideally, I'd like to get this buried, then go straight to sorting the house out and moving on. For child arrangements, as both are quite old (mid teens) I don't think they'll be a dispute over this, she's not checked the box on the nmo application prohibiting contact to them.

If I do go for an undertaking, this will still prohibit contact so means I can't negotiate selling the house in that time?

 

[Ash]

If they are mid teens - are you seeing them at all? You'd be pushed to get a child arrangements order due to their ages, They'd be deemed as able to choose for themselves. Whatever allegations she makes, you can say you will undertake not to contact her or go near her and there can be a clause saying you can contact the kids directly. That doesn't mean you're admitting it.

 

[bristol360]

Yes, access to them is open, we just meet or talk when they feel they want to.

I just find it hard not to be able to speak to her and it'll delay the financial stuff so I can be free from her for once and for all. The order is for both an NMO and occupation. I think she's confused though, thinking this might get her years in the house (till youngest is 18) when it mostly a years max.

 

[Ash]

Right so the NMO is because she wants an occupation order for the house - which she may well get. I'm not that up on how that's dealt with - is it two separate hearings? I think it is - one for the NMO, one for the occupation order. What are her arguments for wanting an NMO? How long have you been separated? Presumably a while and she's complaining about things after separation not before?

 

[bristol360]

Seems to be one hearing for 30 mins. We've only been separated since mid September after she made false allegations to the police and I've been on bail. Now NFA.

Are you saying she is likely to stay in the house for years with me paying?

 

[Ash]

That would be decided by the financial order. An occupation order would just mean she could move in and you'd have to move out. It could be an idea to get a barrister on board to deal with this hearing.

 

[bristol360]

Is the financial order part of the process? We are unmarried by the way.

 

[Ash]

Ok so there is no divorce financial order then - sorry. I think you really need some legal advice on this matter. As far as I'm aware, if you're not married there is just Child Maintenance and capital you share 50/50. What was your plan? Keep the house and stay in it? Or sell it? Others may know more about this. TOLATA may apply if you're an unmarried couple who own property. @Resolute may know.

 

[bristol360]

Thanks!

It's more about the upcoming occupation order and nmo really. Ideally I'd like it squashed but have no idea how much evidence they need to provide to sway the court. It's mainly a sob story and unsubstantiated claims already NFA'd by the police.

 

[Ash]

I think you might need some legal advice.

 

[bristol360]

I think you might need some legal advice.

Thankyou. I'm still looking at making my own statement and representing myself on the hearing.

Do you mean legal advice around the finances? I have had some already, the short being is that it will get expensive using solicitors for too long.