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Yeboah1

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Currently on 2nd round of marriage therapy within 2 years, it's not going well. Genuinely sad about it all, we have 2 beautiful sons under school age and there's just so much in my wifes behaviour that could be fixed but she refuses to. I feel she's got traumas from her family growing up and is basically an avoidant. Me and the therapists almost tear our hair out over her lack of participation in trying to save the marriage.

We live in a house we'd need to sell should we split. I have a mate who's agreed to put me up for a while if needed, she would go back to her mums.

Any advice on these very early days of the whole process? I think we'll carry on with Christmas as normal and break after. It's been 10 years, I'm 42. There's no one else etc.. just feel we've exhausted everything with 2 long years and multiple therapy sessions (the current one we've been doing for 3 months and still going).

I've looked up Octopus Amicable which offers a service I think is suitable for about £3500 which seems to cover everything? Has anyone else used them, or would a normal solicitor be advised? I'm so worried about it ending up in a war, I have zero interest in that. I want some money sure, but I'm obviously prepared to concede a far higher portion due to her having the young kids. I don't even have a clue about the number of days I'd have them etc.. I would want to be involved as much as possible.

I work full time, currently wife doesn't work and hasn't for almost 3 years since the children arrived.
 
I would that any point highlight to your wife that you are getting a lawyer or discuss any post separation issues.

You need to protect yourself and maintain contact with your kids if you do split.

Don’t leave the house until you have a child arrangement order in place. Even if you do seem amicable about splitting time it can very quickly fall apart and the mother can basically retain the kids.

The court process is long and expensive ( if you get a lawyer).

It sounds like you have tried to save the marriage. If there’s a chance keep going.

If in your heart you know it’s done , don’t share with ex , don’t send any emotional/ angry messages etc.

You need a plan in place and that mainly is a place to live and a child arrangement order or interim order.

You need to be whiter than white in your interactions with ex as if it does turn nasty give her no ammo.

Good luck , cool head and hope you can save the marriage but if not have a plan
 
I would that any point highlight to your wife that you are getting a lawyer or discuss any post separation issues.

You need to protect yourself and maintain contact with your kids if you do split.

Don’t leave the house until you have a child arrangement order in place. Even if you do seem amicable about splitting time it can very quickly fall apart and the mother can basically retain the kids.

The court process is long and expensive ( if you get a lawyer).

It sounds like you have tried to save the marriage. If there’s a chance keep going.

If in your heart you know it’s done , don’t share with ex , don’t send any emotional/ angry messages etc.

You need a plan in place and that mainly is a place to live and a child arrangement order or interim order.

You need to be whiter than white in your interactions with ex as if it does turn nasty give her no ammo.

Good luck , cool head and hope you can save the marriage but if not have a plan
Thanks, sorry just on your first sentence. Not sure if you've made a typo, are you saying let her know I'm contacting a lawyer or not?

Appreciate it.
 
Thanks, sorry just on your first sentence. Not sure if you've made a typo, are you saying let her know I'm contacting a lawyer or not?

Appreciate it.
Sorry was a typo. Definitely DONT let her know your contacting a lawyer. She might contact lawyer herself and that lawyer might advise her to go down the allegations route etc
 
Sorry was a typo. Definitely DONT let her know your contacting a lawyer. She might contact lawyer herself and that lawyer might advise her to go down the allegations route etc
No that's fine, assumed that's what you meant. Thanks mate!
 
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