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New post. Partner of amazing dad.
- Thread starter Peanut 21
- Start date
That's good advice.
With this one though, emails and texts can be very good evidence to show the Mother is unreasonable (or outrageously unreasonable). The key is to pick and choose carefully which ones you use. Rule of thumb is - only use something that is favourable to you. Courts really do like to see evidence of one parent communicating politely, reasonably and respectfully - which shows up the other parent who isn't doing that. But yes, if the correspondence is arguing on both sides, it won't help.
With this one though, emails and texts can be very good evidence to show the Mother is unreasonable (or outrageously unreasonable). The key is to pick and choose carefully which ones you use. Rule of thumb is - only use something that is favourable to you. Courts really do like to see evidence of one parent communicating politely, reasonably and respectfully - which shows up the other parent who isn't doing that. But yes, if the correspondence is arguing on both sides, it won't help.
I just thought I'd post an update on my partners current situation.
Since the hearing in May things have been going well with my partners son and we're seeing him on original schedule. Apart from holidays still not finalised.
Therapy ordered for dad and daughter was an absolute joke. Mother chose someone totally inappropriate and took daughter to one session only.
There was a follow up hearing in Oct to assess how things were going. Mothers PS usual predictable slagging off dad waffle.
But a good result as the judge ordered a guardian to represent the children.
The guardian was the previous cafcass officer. The kids were also appointed their own solicitor.
Interviews with cafcass officer followed.
Last month another hearing.
Mother surprisingly unrepresented.
Judge said he wasn't willing to give up on my partners daughter even though she's a teenager.
Mother showed her true colours. Said she was unhappy with dad having son more than 1 night at a time. When Judge asked why she had no answer. Childrens solicitor said there's no reason why dad can't have his son for extended time.
Judge ordered a family assessment by a psychologist. Mother said she wouldn't engage.
This week cafcass officer has informed parents that 3 psychologists have been suggested to judge. Awaiting judges sign off to then set up a timetable of assessments and next court hearing.
The funny thing is, people get told not to use the term parental alienation to courts and cafcass, but my partner has recently used the term because he thought sod it.
2 of the recommended psychologists specialise in PA.
It's still a long road but I feel like people are starting to see what's going on. The judge and cafcass can see what the mother is doing.
Since the hearing in May things have been going well with my partners son and we're seeing him on original schedule. Apart from holidays still not finalised.
Therapy ordered for dad and daughter was an absolute joke. Mother chose someone totally inappropriate and took daughter to one session only.
There was a follow up hearing in Oct to assess how things were going. Mothers PS usual predictable slagging off dad waffle.
But a good result as the judge ordered a guardian to represent the children.
The guardian was the previous cafcass officer. The kids were also appointed their own solicitor.
Interviews with cafcass officer followed.
Last month another hearing.
Mother surprisingly unrepresented.
Judge said he wasn't willing to give up on my partners daughter even though she's a teenager.
Mother showed her true colours. Said she was unhappy with dad having son more than 1 night at a time. When Judge asked why she had no answer. Childrens solicitor said there's no reason why dad can't have his son for extended time.
Judge ordered a family assessment by a psychologist. Mother said she wouldn't engage.
This week cafcass officer has informed parents that 3 psychologists have been suggested to judge. Awaiting judges sign off to then set up a timetable of assessments and next court hearing.
The funny thing is, people get told not to use the term parental alienation to courts and cafcass, but my partner has recently used the term because he thought sod it.
2 of the recommended psychologists specialise in PA.
It's still a long road but I feel like people are starting to see what's going on. The judge and cafcass can see what the mother is doing.
.Just read this article! Not heard of enmeshment before but wow this hits a chord with my situation. I seem to be up against pathological enmeshment of mother law and my ex and then now pulling rank after the separation in hope to basically alienate me. My ex mother in law in my opinion also suffered from NPD and my ex when in survival mode takes on these learnt traits. It’s quite complex but the more I read articles like this the more it makes sense and what I need to do to protect my daughter from being sucked into the same cycle. My ex mother in law is also very wealthy and uses this as her tool on manipulation. I like to hope these things are being more widely recognised in the court room. Especially since the 300% rise in domestic abuse allegations since the rejiggle of legal aid structure. However, from some of the cases I read about on here not so much. Is there a place for fact vs psychological theory in the UK court rooms? When you are on the receiving end of these allegations and personality types you really hope so. But how many judges, barristers etc have gone through this to truly understand? I’m sorry to hear about your partner Peanut and all the issues he’s having. Sounds horrendous!! Power to you both, my partner has my back with things and it’s helped hugely as I’m sure you are doing with your partnerI've read a lot about parental alienation and it's different forms.
I know from reading others accounts that it's difficult to prove and show to the courts/professionals.
This article explains perfectly about an aspect of alienation called 'enmeshment' which tends to happen more commonly with mothers and daughters. From the outside professionals are blinded by the wonderful mother who has such a lovely relationship with their child. Which makes it hard to prove the dynamic is abusive.
The dads with daughters may be able to relate with this?
The dynamic between the mother and child is called a system and the dad is seen as a threat to that system.
This isn't about bending over and taking any old s**t but ways to try understand and manage what is going on.
There's some tips about how to placate the system to make the child feel safer when they're out of that controlled environment.
Parenting the enmeshed child: a thankless task?
This post is a follow up to last week’s post on the use of stereotypes to alienate parents. This week I am looking at the issue of enmeshment, a peculiar feature of many alienated family syst…karenwoodall.blog
@Richie1989
My partners ex mother is the same.
Payrolled thousands for barristers to fund her daughter.
She's an absolute control freak.
The stories my partner has told me about her are absolutely crackers.
She's the type who has to be involved in everything.
Nasty piece of work.
My partners ex mother is the same.
Payrolled thousands for barristers to fund her daughter.
She's an absolute control freak.
The stories my partner has told me about her are absolutely crackers.
She's the type who has to be involved in everything.
Nasty piece of work.
Yes very similar! My ex mum has paid for all her costings and she also writes all the solicitor letters. My ex has not even seen any of the interim orders her mum explains it to her. Obviously with her own manipulative twist thrown in. She managed to interject herself right in the middle of things. Controlling every single pickup and dropoff and even facilitating the calls I had with my daughter when away last time. This was after getting them to agree to FaceTime or I wouldn’t consent. The previous holidays I wasn’t allowed to even call or FaceTime. However, I submitted an urgent order and since then my exs mum seems to have dropped of the face of the planet with interaction although I can tell that even the odd message my ex sends me is written by her mum. Last Friday I picked my daughter up from her house and I filmed it just to make sure no funny business and surprise surprise 3 days later a huge message from my ex accusing me of several things. It just happens to be they go for liquid lunch early that day it was sent to me. Any slight feeling of being out of control and they pull rank and retaliate in some pathetic attempt to regain control to make themselves feel better. It’s so toxic! Can’t wait to get my final order and I bet your partner is the same. These people are vile and evil and I hope on time it’s becomes a crime or at least recognised as they have some kind of illness. However it’s all about the kids not proving them being nuts!! Like you say I have some bizarre stories about my ex mother in law. Shocking and at times quite dark
The joke is that a final order was made in 2019. This has been going on for years.
So she’s constantly in breach and then also ignoring it?! Wtf!! I think I did read this somewhere actually on another one of your posts. I thought she could be fined, community service or prison etc? Does she just keep coming up with new allegations? And yes like you say bankrolled behind the scenes! Wow!! What arrangement does he have at the moment? Please don’t say nothing at all! That would be heartbreaking!
I don't think I have the energy to type it all out again. Lol.
My very first post in this thread explains gist of it.
Then I posted Friday afternoon the latest situation.
But long story short, she's breached and made false allegations from just before first hearing 2019 and every year since.
Daughter alienated since spring 2022. But seeing son properly again since May this year.
My very first post in this thread explains gist of it.
Then I posted Friday afternoon the latest situation.
But long story short, she's breached and made false allegations from just before first hearing 2019 and every year since.
Daughter alienated since spring 2022. But seeing son properly again since May this year.