My Story

[ozezmoz]

Hi

I have been thinking about posting on here for a little while, but never seem to get round to it. Partly because I think that my situation is relatively lucky compared to a lot of Dad's on this site.

Very briefly, about 2 years ago, by wife blindsided me with a divorce request. She wanted to be with one of the dads at our kids' school. In the time leading up to this I had gone through a stressful career change. We have 2 boys, 7yo and 4yo. She has recently had a baby with the man she left me for.

I get to see the boys a lot.

The things that stress me out, are the fact that I sometimes just really struggle to get into the mindset of being dad. Particularly after a long week at work. My career change has massively improved by enjoyment of work, but a long commute means I am out of the house at least 11 hours a day 5 days a week. Sometimes I just really struggle to switch on "being dad" at the weekend. I am a quiet person in general. Recently my boys have been fighting a lot more and I find the noise really stresses me out. I often wear ear plugs. Sometimes by the end of a weekend with them I just feel so drained. When I am out and about with the boys I sometimes feel so sad, inevitably seeing happy families where mum and Dad are still together. I do feel like I have a good relationship with my kids, but I just sometimes find it so draining. I get to the end of a weekend looking after them by myself and just feel exhausted. I don't get any help from my parents (mum suffering from significant mental illness)

Anyway. As I say, I know lot of dad's are in much worse situation.

Just Sharing.

O.

 

[DadLad]

Hi

I have been thinking about posting on here for a little while, but never seem to get round to it. Partly because I think that my situation is relatively lucky compared to a lot of Dad's on this site.

Very briefly, about 2 years ago, by wife blindsided me with a divorce request. She wanted to be with one of the dads at our kids' school. In the time leading up to this I had gone through a stressful career change. We have 2 boys, 7yo and 4yo. She has recently had a baby with the man she left me for.

I get to see the boys a lot.

The things that stress me out, are the fact that I sometimes just really struggle to get into the mindset of being dad. Particularly after a long week at work. My career change has massively improved by enjoyment of work, but a long commute means I am out of the house at least 11 hours a day 5 days a week. Sometimes I just really struggle to switch on "being dad" at the weekend. I am a quiet person in general. Recently my boys have been fighting a lot more and I find the noise really stresses me out. I often wear ear plugs. Sometimes by the end of a weekend with them I just feel so drained. When I am out and about with the boys I sometimes feel so sad, inevitably seeing happy families where mum and Dad are still together. I do feel like I have a good relationship with my kids, but I just sometimes find it so draining. I get to the end of a weekend looking after them by myself and just feel exhausted. I don't get any help from my parents (mum suffering from significant mental illness)

Anyway. As I say, I know lot of dad's are in much worse situation.

Just Sharing.

O.

My advice would be to find a way to maybe reduce your working hours, or maybe find something which is closer to home which accommodates your family life.

Finding a work/ life balance is detrimental to your own life and your children's lives. Otherwise you will become extremely unwell and burnt out.

We should always have the energy and time for our kids whilst we also provide for them.

 

[mva]

I would try and reduce your hours on Friday , as work for family friendly. Even if you could get a few hours down time between work and kids.

As for being drained etc during your weekend with kids I would suggest you time in some down time for everyone. Bring out the screen time. There can be a tendency by single dads to cram the weekend with activities to ensure constant fun. Down time is ok.

When I had my kids overnight I used to eat with them and go to bed when they did , so I actually got loads of energising rest.

I get watching happy family units can be depressing, but the good thing about being a single dad is that time with your kids can be intense but also so much more rewarding, no other parent to factor in.

Have you tried to connect with other kids and parents , going out to activities with others can be rewarding as you can get a bit of adult conversation while kids play.