Hi Sorry to hear this. You mentioned going to court again. Have you already got a Child Arrangements order, or was court just for the divorce? She wants you on your knees and to give up - that;s what they hope -that you'll get sick of the hassle and give up and let her have her own way.
It's very common for this to happen when the Dad gets a new partner.
First thing I'd suggest is trying to draw up a parenting plan - which can include things like Child Arrangements, finances, How long before introducing new partners etc etc. There's a template on here for a good one (or a link to it) - you can edit it and add or remove headings or change them so it includes what you want. I think it's quite good because it helps you think of things that could do to be agreed so they don't become an issue in the future.
When you've constructed your ideal parenting plan (that should work for both) then you could send it to her and say you think you both need a parenting plan to agree on various issues and avoid misunderstandings and so on and ask if she agrees with the attached one.
Now she is not likely to agree to anythign, but the important thing is it's evidence that you tried to negotiate reasonably and were met with unreasonable behaviour and responses (or no response at all).
The section on introducing new partners (if not there it can be added) applies to both - so a common one is neither parent will introduce new partners for the first six months. If she agrees to that for you it has to be the same for her too (although she'll probably ignore it!).
Although maybe you've been with your partner longer than that and already living together?
Ultimately she is now seeing you having a partner as a threat (or just angry about it for whatever reason) so she isn't going to be reasonable.
I think you will need to apply to court for a Child Arrangements order. So dust off your knees - take some time to chill and just take it all one step at a time. I used to write lists.
The worst feeling is when your kids are being witheld - but being proactive helps deal with those feelings. If you can't afford more legal fees you can self rep - the court fee is about £230. You should get a first hearing in about 6 weeks and you'll get an interim order then for the time you had before she reduced it. Sometimes agreement can be reached for a consent order at the first hearing, but if not it goes to a final hearing and you have a good chance of getting ordered what you want.
But it's important to keep records from now on. Write on a calendar every time you see the kids (including backdating it since separation so it shows how often you were seeing them. The dates might be needed for a statement at some point. Or it can be photocopied as evidence.
Keep diary notes - email a diary note to yourself and file them in an email folder. Every time she communicates something, every time you see the kids - what you're trying, what you do when you see the kids. Just kind of anything that happens. Write a short diary note and email it to yourself.
Before you can apply to court you need to have tried mediation. The only requirement is to go to the first appointment on your own - the MIAM. But they then try and get you to agree to try mediation and invite your ex to the next appointment. If she refuses or doesn't turn up, just ask to be signed off mediation. You need the sign off form to apply to court.
Having the parenting plan can be a start - take that to mediation as a framework for trying to agree things.
In terms of what to write to your ex, it depends on what you're trying to achieve now. BIFF emails were recommended to me and work well (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Formal as if writing to a business colleague). So it keeps emotion and personal stuff out of it, avoids arguments and helps you feel in control (an ex can feed off you feel miserable etc). And because anything you do in writing can be used for or against you. Best advice I had (from a Cafcass officer) was - always show you're the reasonable constructive one. What that does is mean you have evidence of your reasonable child focused communications and attempts to co parent etc - and her stroppy responses show her to be the unreasonable one. But if you ever lose it and send her a ranty one, she could use that in court against you. So keep things civilised - BIFF emails.
DON'T ask for the bare minimum. She has no right to minimise your time with your children and if you ask for the bare minimum you will never get any more than that and if going to court they will see you as a disinterested Father. How often were you seeing them before she reduced it to one night a week? Suggested draft email below but obviously some bits might need changing depending on your circumstances. Ideally how often would you like them with you? 50/50? The standard a court orders is every other week-end, one midweek overnight and half the school holidays. Because that is considered in the best interests of the children. The quality time (week-ends and holidays) are 50.50. The care time (midweek during school term) can be four nights with her, one with you, or two nights each with a 3 night week-end each (which is 50/50).
So you could send something like:
Dear Ex Name
I am writing to reach ongoing agreement about arrangements for our children. I am concerned that instead of seeing me 3 times a week they are now only seeing me one night a week. I understand you feel concerned about me having a new partner, so wish to reassure you of a few things. It makes no difference to you or the children. Over time we will both be seeing someone new and the children will have two families - which I think is good for them. They can have lots of people in their lives that care for them and enjoy both their homes and family and friends.
I have attached a proposed parenting plan and perhaps you'd consider this and give me your thoughts. It covers all kinds of situations like when to introduce children to new partners. I have not yet introduced the children to my new partner, even though we have been seeing each other for four months, but will do so gradually, as per the parenting plan, once we have been together for six months.
You are their Mother and I am their Father - so we are the parents and have the close bond with them. It is a different relationship with a step parent, so is no threat to you.
I ask, however, that you reinstate the schedule of every other week-end and Wednesdays overnight, as I feel it's harmful to the children to suddenly not see me as much - they love both of us.
Regards, you
Parenting plan for single and separated Dads applying to court for shared parenting.
www.dadswithkids.co.uk
