Good morning all,
I hope everyone is well and full spirited for the battle ahead today (if you are in one) - Remember "LIFE IS NOT ABOUT HOW HARD YOU CAN HIT, IT IS ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU CAN GET HIT AND STILL GET BACK, HOW MUCH YOU CAN GET HIT AND STILL KEEP MOVING FORWARD!" .....The great Rocky Balboa...
I thought I'd put myself out there and see if I can get some thoughts and advice, following a conversation with JC83 on here privately who has been most helpful (thank you).
So in a nut shell, I filed for divorce after just over 5 years of marriage, we have two kids, a son aged four and daughter aged two (she will be three before the 20 week initial period is over). My wife is a very angry person, I've been shouted at, humiliated in public, in front of family but the worst of it is in front of the kids. I spent 4 years telling her stop being rude, shouting and disrespecting me in front of our son, he is old enough to see/hear everything. What pushed me over the edge to take this courageous step is when she shouted at me and my 2 year old daughter turned and said "Daddy, mummy is telling you off!" and no dad should have to face that.
Subsequently she has refused to engage in the voluntary Form E process and has made threats to take kids away for 5 days a week and I'll only see them two days so rethink the whole divorce (basically she is trying to reconcile), not because she loves me, but because I pay for everything (mortgage, bills, even the weekly food shop). We still live in the same house together post filing for divorce but I sleep in the spare room on a single toddler mattress even though it kills my back, god forbid she gives up the double bed. I run a small business (a mortgage brokerage locally to where we live) I also drop both kids to nursery/school on my way to work and pick them up on my way home (school is ten second walk from my work). I purposely finish work at 3.30pm to pick them up and go home and spend every second with them that I can, helping do everything - feeding, changing nappies (although daughter is now potty training) and putting them bed.
MY LATEST STEPS:
After the threats of taking kids away I filed a c100 I believe it is called and an urgent without notice interim order to stop her taking the kids away, we were granted a court date end of Jan for a with notice hearing and I understand if we can walk in with a draft order for the children the judge can rubber stamp it there and then (and potentially can leave the house, although not sure it is wise from a finance perspective). She was served papers and been mad at me ever since (not that she wasn't mad all the time before so I am ok with it), but judge advised strongly we attend mediation pre court date, I booked a mediator and did an initial one to one call, the mediator has invited her to do the same although she has ignored it to date. I do not know where this leaves us for the court hearing but I feel I will need to start looking for a direct access barrister in London (any recommendations welcome) and she will delay to another court hearing and let me spend money etc on this. There is a long way before a draft order could be drawn up as after her one to one mediation we would likely need 2 sessions together and then an order to be drawn up, read/approved by us both and this all takes time. Given she has done nothing on the Form E (but happily put a homeowner charge or something at land registry that I can't sell the house without her consent, as I am sole house owner, which was crazy as I do not even know how I would sell the house with kids here and where we all live and what I would achieve, anyway she said she is protecting herself, I said fine I'll protect myself and filed the c100).
I have not got mad or angry at her at home, even though she has snapped at me a few times and keeping a diary of each day and all the things I do at home for the kids, to demonstrate I am more than entitled to a minimum 50/50 split with kids (I don't think I can go for more than that as can't see any judge okaying that for a dad over a mum). She has flip flopped and said she is ok with that but then changed wildly and constantly says she wants like half a day more or something and hopes I won't fight her on it out of pettiness. But I do not see why I should accept less, I love those kids and do anything and everything for them, even 50/50 if unfair to me and I dread the day they aren't with me and I don't get to see them when I wake up or when I finish work....but that is another day's dilemma.
HELP PLEASE:
Any advice on what I should do next in the build up to the court date. Should I ask her why she hasn't replied to the mediator? Do I get a barrister ready and start spending money....what is next...
This process sucks, it is even worse when the other side is not engaging in it....
Thank you in advance for any help/advice (and just taking the time to read this).
Kindest regards
I hope everyone is well and full spirited for the battle ahead today (if you are in one) - Remember "LIFE IS NOT ABOUT HOW HARD YOU CAN HIT, IT IS ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU CAN GET HIT AND STILL GET BACK, HOW MUCH YOU CAN GET HIT AND STILL KEEP MOVING FORWARD!" .....The great Rocky Balboa...
I thought I'd put myself out there and see if I can get some thoughts and advice, following a conversation with JC83 on here privately who has been most helpful (thank you).
So in a nut shell, I filed for divorce after just over 5 years of marriage, we have two kids, a son aged four and daughter aged two (she will be three before the 20 week initial period is over). My wife is a very angry person, I've been shouted at, humiliated in public, in front of family but the worst of it is in front of the kids. I spent 4 years telling her stop being rude, shouting and disrespecting me in front of our son, he is old enough to see/hear everything. What pushed me over the edge to take this courageous step is when she shouted at me and my 2 year old daughter turned and said "Daddy, mummy is telling you off!" and no dad should have to face that.
Subsequently she has refused to engage in the voluntary Form E process and has made threats to take kids away for 5 days a week and I'll only see them two days so rethink the whole divorce (basically she is trying to reconcile), not because she loves me, but because I pay for everything (mortgage, bills, even the weekly food shop). We still live in the same house together post filing for divorce but I sleep in the spare room on a single toddler mattress even though it kills my back, god forbid she gives up the double bed. I run a small business (a mortgage brokerage locally to where we live) I also drop both kids to nursery/school on my way to work and pick them up on my way home (school is ten second walk from my work). I purposely finish work at 3.30pm to pick them up and go home and spend every second with them that I can, helping do everything - feeding, changing nappies (although daughter is now potty training) and putting them bed.
MY LATEST STEPS:
After the threats of taking kids away I filed a c100 I believe it is called and an urgent without notice interim order to stop her taking the kids away, we were granted a court date end of Jan for a with notice hearing and I understand if we can walk in with a draft order for the children the judge can rubber stamp it there and then (and potentially can leave the house, although not sure it is wise from a finance perspective). She was served papers and been mad at me ever since (not that she wasn't mad all the time before so I am ok with it), but judge advised strongly we attend mediation pre court date, I booked a mediator and did an initial one to one call, the mediator has invited her to do the same although she has ignored it to date. I do not know where this leaves us for the court hearing but I feel I will need to start looking for a direct access barrister in London (any recommendations welcome) and she will delay to another court hearing and let me spend money etc on this. There is a long way before a draft order could be drawn up as after her one to one mediation we would likely need 2 sessions together and then an order to be drawn up, read/approved by us both and this all takes time. Given she has done nothing on the Form E (but happily put a homeowner charge or something at land registry that I can't sell the house without her consent, as I am sole house owner, which was crazy as I do not even know how I would sell the house with kids here and where we all live and what I would achieve, anyway she said she is protecting herself, I said fine I'll protect myself and filed the c100).
I have not got mad or angry at her at home, even though she has snapped at me a few times and keeping a diary of each day and all the things I do at home for the kids, to demonstrate I am more than entitled to a minimum 50/50 split with kids (I don't think I can go for more than that as can't see any judge okaying that for a dad over a mum). She has flip flopped and said she is ok with that but then changed wildly and constantly says she wants like half a day more or something and hopes I won't fight her on it out of pettiness. But I do not see why I should accept less, I love those kids and do anything and everything for them, even 50/50 if unfair to me and I dread the day they aren't with me and I don't get to see them when I wake up or when I finish work....but that is another day's dilemma.
HELP PLEASE:
Any advice on what I should do next in the build up to the court date. Should I ask her why she hasn't replied to the mediator? Do I get a barrister ready and start spending money....what is next...
This process sucks, it is even worse when the other side is not engaging in it....
Thank you in advance for any help/advice (and just taking the time to read this).
Kindest regards