My journey so far - have I been hard done by?

[miami18]

Summer 2024 - Filed c100 + c1a, contact fully cut off from August.

October 2024 - First hearing, court make an absolute mess out of things. Despite CAFCASS report in my favour, no allegations against me etc, they decide to not order contact at this stage and order a 'determination for fact finding hearing' for November despite both sides not requesting one. Both sides to fill out a schedule of allegations and submit to the court. We agree every Saturday from 3-6 pm (reluctantly), ex immediately withdraws the agreement 2 days later.

46 allegations made by ex in the schedule, not a single one is serious. Mostly either made up or small petty things such as cancelling Netflix, dropping my daughter off late etc.

A few days before the November hearing, I find out my barrister can't make it so I get appointed head of chambers last minute.

November 2024 - Both sides + magistrates agree to no fact finding, and the magistrates agree that I need to see my daughter asap (who is almost 2 now). Her barrister kicks up a fuss saying that if I see her, it should be supported within contact centre. It is ordered that I will have the first 3 times in a contact centre for a minimum of 2 hours, then outside of a contact centre going forward (CC to be paid for by her lol). After this, it moves to the original agreement of 3-6 every Saturday (I knew agreeing to this before would come back to bite me, makes me look like I was happy with a crappy agreement to begin with).

CAFCASS section 7 is bypassed, waiting list is too long and deemed not necessary in this case. Another hearing has been ordered for January, which is to be a 'dispute resolution appointment'. Confused about this, legal team telling me it has the potential to be a final hearing. However, I've gone from having my daughter 3 days a week to now seeing her for 3 hours a week. How will I have a chance of winning 50/50 shared care at this rate? It seems like too much of a drastic jump...

Also, if it's not the final...I am reluctant to use a barrister. I know my ex will not agree with anything near that I am looking for, so what is the point?

 

[jon1234]

how did the hearing go in jan miami?

 

[miami18]

Contact goes well as expected, I move from the contact centre to 3 hours per week. My ex tells me that it is being upped to 4 hours as a goodwill gesture from her, and she even lets me up one weekend to 8 hours so I could attend an event. She also brings me with her to medical appointments, and I’m able to see her more regularly than ordered. Communication between us improves also. As we get closer to the hearing, she admits that she’s being flexible as she expects me to back down from 50/50 shared care, which I decline. We also managed to agree on some small stuff, like splitting birthdays, Christmas, etc.

I represented myself at the jan hearing, as I don’t feel like the barristers gave me much value. (Solicitor helped with filing, PS, etc). My ex’s solicitor arrives and immediately makes loud remarks about how ‘ridiculous’ my demands are, in front of everybody in the waiting room. I politely let her know which interview room I will be in, for any potential discussion pre court. She shouts at me and tells me to let her speak with her client.

I was aiming to achieve two things, one being an extension of my interim contact and the second being a swift final hearing. My ex offered 8 hours per week this time round, which she then changed her mind on half way through the hearing (her solicitors idea). They then offered 6 hours instead, I made the case that I have countless overnights under my belt but the court said that are wary of forcing her to agree to that in case she doesn’t stick to it, so we all agree on the 6 hours.

Her solicitor then proposes that we do 6 months of this, move to one overnight per month and review the situation. The judges disagree massively, and propose a final hearing on the 18th feb (this year). Her solicitor kicks off, and judges then propose the end of March and that this is their final offer. The judge said that there are no concerns surrounding myself, and warn my ex that she needs to become used to the idea that I could quite easily get 50/50 or something close to it. Her solicitor throws every trick in the book at them, she claims that my ex can’t attend court so soon, that I need a section 7, that the judges ‘pressure’ will disrupt the process, etc but the date is now set for the 31st march for a final hearing!

 

[Peanut 21]

That solicitor sounds like a demon from the depths of hell.

 

[jon1234]

it is awful you are having to wait this long to get 50/50 when there are no safeguarding concerns from cafcass. i would be thinking about applying for a live with order which will make your ex think about delaying this any more and also go for costs. potential justification for live with order being her refusal to give you shared access when no valid grounds from what you say. get legal advice though

 

[miami18]

That solicitor sounds like a demon from the depths of hell.

She is the worst!! Honestly. Not sure what I’ve done to her to upset her so much

 

[miami18]

it is awful you are having to wait this long to get 50/50 when there are no safeguarding concerns from cafcass. i would be thinking about applying for a live with order which will make your ex think about delaying this any more and also go for costs. potential justification for live with order being her refusal to give you shared access when no valid grounds from what you say. get legal advice though

That’s an interesting perspective.. what do you rate the chances of success from using refusal to give me shared access? She definitely has no valid grounds, they are totally laughable.

 

[Peanut 21]

She is the worst!! Honestly. Not sure what I’ve done to her to upset her so much

Typical bossy woman trying to assert her authority by being a bitch.

 

[miami18]

Typical bossy woman trying to assert her authority by being a bitch.

She should have been slung out of the court… I guess that’s what legal aid buys you.

 

[jon1234]

That’s an interesting perspective.. what do you rate the chances of success from using refusal to give me shared access? She definitely has no valid grounds, they are totally laughable.

i dont know re chances of success but im confident if you asked for it she would get very worried and might back down.

 

[jon1234]

She is the worst!! Honestly. Not sure what I’ve done to her to upset her so much

im in similiar position. how old is your ex? in her 40's?

 

[jon1234]

for the hearing i would get a barrister or you may regret it for the rest of your life. i would also get solicitor to help you with your witness and position statement. that is where they are really useful to take out any emotive statements that can be used against you.

 

[miami18]

im in similiar position. how old is your ex? in her 40's?

We’re both in our 20’s, so definitely on the younger side!

 

[miami18]

for the hearing i would get a barrister or you may regret it for the rest of your life. i would also get solicitor to help you with your witness and position statement. that is where they are really useful to take out any emotive statements that can be used against you.

I’m heavily leaning towards a direct access barrister at the moment.

Do you have a final hearing coming up also?

 

[Peanut 21]

I could be wrong here but from a woman's pov (I'm a woman in my 40s) the ex in her 40s (@jon1234 ) will probably be more bitter than the ex in her 20s (@miami18)
A woman in her 20s will be more likely to just go along with what a solicitor says and easier to influence.
An older woman will be thinking about all the years she's invested in a relationship and raising kids and building up to the dreaded menopause.
They both have potential to be a pain in the arse but it'll come from different angles.
Just to point out, I'm not one of these nutters

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

I could be wrong here but from a woman's pov (I'm a woman in my 40s) the ex in her 40s (@jon1234 ) will probably be more bitter than the ex in her 20s (@miami18)
A woman in her 20s will be more likely to just go along with what a solicitor says and easier to influence.
An older woman will be thinking about all the years she's invested in a relationship and raising kids and building up to the dreaded menopause.
They both have potential to be a pain in the arse but it'll come from different angles.
Just to point out, I'm not one of these nutters

My son and his ex are in their 20’s she argues with her solicitor even in court sometimes to her detriment, she even shouted at and talked over magistrates. She’s definitely the most bitter person I’ve ever met by far.

 

[Peanut 21]

My son and his ex are in their 20’s she argues with her solicitor even in court sometimes to her detriment, she even shouted at and talked over magistrates. She’s definitely the most bitter person I’ve ever met by far.

Yeah, I'm overly generalising.
Your sons ex won't get any better will she.
Whether 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond they can be nasty pieces of work.
I just think the older ones will be bitter thinking they 'wasted their best years' on their ex.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Yeah, I'm overly generalising.
Your sons ex won't get any better will she.
Whether 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond they can be nasty pieces of work.
I just think the older ones will be bitter thinking they 'wasted their best years' on their ex.

I agree there, ones in there 20s can only get worse, older bitter ones are likely already at one of highest stages of bitter.

 

[miami18]

I could be wrong here but from a woman's pov (I'm a woman in my 40s) the ex in her 40s (@jon1234 ) will probably be more bitter than the ex in her 20s (@miami18)
A woman in her 20s will be more likely to just go along with what a solicitor says and easier to influence.
An older woman will be thinking about all the years she's invested in a relationship and raising kids and building up to the dreaded menopause.
They both have potential to be a pain in the arse but it'll come from different angles.
Just to point out, I'm not one of these nutters

Yeah you’ve hit the nail on the head with my case, my ex is extremely bitter but she doesn’t understand much about legal processes and is influenced heavily by her solicitor. Her solicitors even more bitter than she is, and seems to hate me. Last hearing my ex offered 8 hours a week, and her solicitors advised her to take it off the table last minute for no reason at all!

 

[Peanut 21]

Yeah you’ve hit the nail on the head with my case, my ex is extremely bitter but she doesn’t understand much about legal processes and is influenced heavily by her solicitor. Her solicitors even more bitter than she is, and seems to hate me. Last hearing my ex offered 8 hours a week, and her solicitors advised her to take it off the table last minute for no reason at all!

Solicitors are generally egotistical tossers and as it used to be a male dominated profession some female solicitors feel they have to prove themselves by acting high and mighty.