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My Ex is threatening to take more money from the house

J

JayCee

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Hi Guys,
I have been split with my wife since Oct 2020 and we were still doing things together with the 2 kids for a year. We have been amicable and had settled on a value for a separation agreement. I went through the necessary with my mortgage company(only me named) and i have the finances available now. She has stalled a bit on signing and decided she wants to have some pension too now so still unsigned. Things have changed between us and we have both moved on although she still wants me back once she realised i was seeing someone. Recently she has threatened that the finances AREN’T sorted and that she didnt agree with the valuation and asset values! “Its been a few months since the valuation so the value has risen slightly” according to her so she should get more.
I was on the limit as to what i can get out of the house anyway so there is no more money! Unless i sell.
We or I was trying to stay out of courts/solicitors to save money but its looking more like it will need to.
I was looking for some advice on when the house value should be taken? Oct2020, June2022 or Now?

I feel a bit put out as im sure a lot of us do. I aways paid the mortgage and bills and topped her up £3-400 pcm toward the cost of the kids. She did the food and clothes. I have the kids 50% of the weekend overnights and have them 30-40% of the time after school as i work shifts but no overnights.

Sorry for the long post from a very frustrated Dad!!
 
Hi. It's good that things are fairly amicable and you're getting quite a bit of time with the kids. Ideally it would be good to get that formalised, so she doesn't change her mind once she's got her money!

Over the finances - have you just dealt with that between you? Or via mediation? House valuation is tricky because it's been a booming market for the past year and a half and house prices have gone up a lot. Valuation would be easy if the house had been sold - it would be the sale price. But clearly it hasn't been sold. Presumably you've stayed in the house and are buying her out?

Her point of view will probably be that if she needs to buy somewhere else, the equity needs to be up to speed with the current market. I don't think prices have gone up a lot since Spring though so maybe get an up to date valuation?

Are you doing all this totally informally by agreement? Not via mediation? Make sure you document everything and keep records.

So she's entitled to 50% of assets (eg house equity and savings) and a share of your pension. Sometimes people do a deal whereby she gets a higher chunk of the house equity in lieu of no claim on your pension. Sounds like you'd want the former if you want to keep the house.

My concern would be that she's playing nice until the finances are sorted but in the future she could be difficult over you seeing the kids - especially if you get serious with someone else. Then you do need to go to court to get the kids back.

You know your ex - do you think she would do something like that?
 
Hi Ash, i would say there is Zero chance of her denying me access. If anything she wants 50/50 which because i work shifts i cant do. She has it very good compared to some of my school mum friends in the same situation with one of them saying they wished i was their “Baby daddy” 😂 threw me a bit that one!

We have dealt with the finances between us fine so far using an online calculator and manually with splitting house furniture etc too and it all matched up very close within £500-£1k difference. I am planning on buying her out(she isnt on the mortgage but same applies) pension is still to be sorted as she is dragging her heels with hers saying its not worth anything etc but she should still have to go through it!

Its crap that the financials are calculated at current market? and NOT when we split and i had to “pay for everything” which seems wrong to me but hey 🤷‍♂️ Correct?
 
I guess it’s about what the house is worth. If you’d settled financially six months ago she might now be asking for more saying prices had gone up.

It concerns me a bit that it’s all informal because one thing you do need is a capital clean break legally. That means neither can come back and ask for more via the courts in future. There may be trust now but things can change in future when both have new partners, lives are changed etc.

Child arrangements affect finances too. Unless it’s 50/50 time you’d be obliged to pay child maintenance at the assessed rate.

Your ex maybe happy for you to have plenty of time now, if it’s convenient to her - but that could change. I had that for years - then after my ex married and had another child ahe wanted rid of me and have a normal family life. I wasn’t convenient any more.

People vary of course but - things can change.

Are you planning to get the finances legally agreed somehow?
 
If it’s getting stuck over house value and pensions you could have divorce mediation to agree everything via a consent order. You can do that for child arrangements too.
 
Ash said:
I guess it’s about what the house is worth. If you’d settled financially six months ago she might now be asking for more saying prices had gone up.

It concerns me a bit that it’s all informal because one thing you do need is a capital clean break legally. That means neither can come back and ask for more via the courts in future. There may be trust now but things can change in future when both have new partners, lives are changed etc.

Child arrangements affect finances too. Unless it’s 50/50 time you’d be obliged to pay child maintenance at the assessed rate.

Your ex maybe happy for you to have plenty of time now, if it’s convenient to her - but that could change. I had that for years - then after my ex married and had another child ahe wanted rid of me and have a normal family life. I wasn’t convenient any more.

People vary of course but - things can change.

Are you planning to get the finances legally agreed somehow?
Click to expand...
We were hoping to iron out everything and then get it officiated by a solicitor so a clean break agreement i guess.

I am currently paying what i need to for a 1-2night per week even though i see them pretty much every weekday for an average of 2-3 hrs after school for tea.
 
I'm no expert on divorce but make sure you're covered legally. I don't know how it works via mediation and a consent order but ends up being legal. I say that because someone I know divorced amicably with his ex - they agreed everything between them and went to a solicitor to draw up the agreement for the divorce. Rather than spending loads of money on solicitors. The Judge said he wouldn't stamp it without seeing both of them because they hadn't both had independent legal advice - he said he was fine with it so the Judge stamped it anyway. Three years later he was back in court because his ex wanted more. The financial settlement was overturned because they hadn't both had independent legal advice and it had to be done from scratch again.

I'm sure you'll get it sorted properly.
 
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