Mum breaking CAO prior to Dispute Resolution Hearing

[AGoodParent]

Hi all. Seeking advice/guidence.

Our hearing is at the end of the year after 2 adjourned hearings. Our child's mother in the meantime is being very vindictive and difficult and has not made child available on 3 planned contacts since the first hearing and is threating to do so again this week. What can I do to stop this?

 

[InvisibleIntellectual]

First thing - do you have any interim orders or any orders at the moment?

 

[AGoodParent]

First thing - do you have any interim orders or any orders at the moment?

Yep a CAO from 2019 and Interim order states that scheduled contact continue prior to hearing however it is vague.

 

[InvisibleIntellectual]

OK - in this instance you need to write to the court (CC your Ex in as you need to) stating that the order has been breached on multiple occasions, cite any evidence you have, including texts, etc.

 

[AGoodParent]

OK - in this instance you need to write to the court (CC your Ex in as you need to) stating that the order has been breached on multiple occasions, cite any evidence you have, including texts, etc.

Ok I will do that. Over the past few weeks she has also been demanding money that she feels I owe her for child maintenance. I don't. I've advised that she contact CMS if she feels I owe her money but she is adding an aggressive request at the end of every communication. Feels like harassment. Should I mention this too?

 

[InvisibleIntellectual]

Money isn't usually brought into CAO proceedings but if you are paying the prescribed amount that you are meant to you legally dont have to pay anything more.

If she stops contact because of this then it's a different matter totally.

If she argues with this then let her contact CMS - she may find out she ends up with less.

 

[AGoodParent]

Money isn't usually brought into CAO proceedings but if you are paying the prescribed amount that you are meant to you legally dont have to pay anything more.

If she stops contact because of this then it's a different matter totally.

If she argues with this then let her contact CMS - she may find out she ends up with less.

I've always paid more than the prescribed amount as she well knows. She's just attempting to cause anxiety. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Ash]

Hi. So she's blackmailing you. Been there. And yes it is harrassing. I would be tempted to send her a brief email saying "Dear Ex Name, I understand you wish to discuss financial arrangements. I am happy to discuss this, but must ask that you do not withold the children from seeing me, and that you comply with your obligations under the Child Arrangements order dated x date, which stands, until the hearing on x date. Non compliance will be reported to the court. I am next due to collect the children on x date and ask that they are made available."

Something like that. It'll be good evidence for later. If she still won't follow the order and you may have already tried that- in which case, as Invisible says, email the court and inform them the order is not being complied with and ask for an urgent directions hearing. To be honest, I think I'd get a half hour's free legal advice as well. A solicitor may know how to get an urgent directions hearing. I know I was advised once by a Solicitor that they could go for an urgent directions hearing.

And yes I would get a CMS assessment as Invisible says. Do it yourself. Have it in writing what the assessment is.

These are the contact details for CMO and CMS (more complicated than it should be!)

Info on Child Maintenance

.Gov page

Info on making a private arrangement

Here

Child Maintenance Options 0800 953 0191 Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm

They don't publish a number for Child Maintenance Service because they want you to talk to CMO first - CMO give you the number for CMS.

So you call CMO - they try and get you to do a family based arrangement. You say no thanks I want an assessment. They give you the number for CMS and a reference number. You then call CMS - they also try and get you to do a family based arrangement. You say no thanks I want an assessment. They then take details for that. When I did it, it was quite easy at that stage, didn't need to send any info, they just take it from your tax office. They also ask how many nights a week you have the children. Just tell them the number of nights as per the order (whether the kids are coming or not) and say that this is in a court order and you can send them a copy if they want. They then say they will contact your ex within the next couple of days to ask if she wants an assessment. If she says no, they come back to you and say do you want to go ahead anyway and you say yes. Mine was quite quick after that. Both ex and I received the same letter with the amount on.

What I then did was write to ex and say - although I am only assessed to pay x amount, based on my income, I am willing to continue with our informal arrangement of x amount. She stopped harrassing me after that.

 

[Ash]

Why were the last two hearings adjourned? Also you say current order is vague. In what way? Assume it doesn't have defined dates and times. Does it say - every other week-end and a midweek night or something? If so then it's clear when every other week-end is. The midweek night could be too flexible if not specific.

 

[AGoodParent]

Why were the last two hearings adjourned? Also you say current order is vague. In what way? Assume it doesn't have defined dates and times. Does it say - every other week-end and a midweek night or something? If so then it's clear when every other week-end is. The midweek night could be too flexible if not specific.

Adjourned as the hearing took place online away from our local court and our local court failed to send the requested documents on both occasions. Despite having 5 months in which to organise this. We get a different interim order after each adjourned hearing and as they seem to be unclear as to what the current CAO is (despite me sending a copy to them via email in last hearing) regularity of contact is not mentioned only in respect to midweek arrangements (2hrs only) which is the bone of contention. Weekends are not mentioned so I'm insisting on every other wknd as per current CAO. Mum wants every wknd as she doesn't want to parent our child for a full day if she can get away with it.

 

[Ash]

Nightmare. All the interim order needs to say is - arrangements to continue as per the CAO of x date. So Mum wants you to have the kids every week-end? Or wants to keep them with her every week-end? If she wants you to have them every week-end - go with it! More argument for a 50/50 shared care order later (but not every week-end). Although from you saying she's breached 3 planned contacts I'm guessing she's cancelling week-ends?

I think if there is no clear interim order, and she keeps witholding time, then you would need to look at asking for an urgent directions hearing to clarify the terms of the interim order.

 

[Ash]

You could try emailing her and saying "The terms of the interim order are that the existing CAO is to be followed until the next hearing. As we both know, the existing CAO is the order of x date. On our return to court, the interim period will be looked at to see how each parent has behaved and whether they have complied and put the childrens best interests with both parents first. Non compliance may not be beneficial to you in the long run. I suggest we keep to the schedule in the CAO of every other week-end and xyz and keep stability for the children."

 

[AGoodParent]

Nightmare. All the interim order needs to say is - arrangements to continue as per the CAO of x date. So Mum wants you to have the kids every week-end? Or wants to keep them with her every week-end? If she wants you to have them every week-end - go with it! More argument for a 50/50 shared care order later (but not every week-end). Although from you saying she's breached 3 planned contacts I'm guessing she's cancelling week-ends?

I think if there is no clear interim order, and she keeps witholding time, then you would need to look at asking for an urgent directions hearing to clarify the terms of the interim order.

No show again today. Then claiming she was at drop off all along. Bizarre behaviour and coercive in a lot of her responses. I'll contact the court to show that she's not making our son available to me and also request an urgent directions hearing as she's claiming the order states something that is not there.

 

[Ash]

What does it actually say in your interim order? I had one interim order that wasn’t an order at all. All the arrangements were in the first part. Under - it is ordered that - it was just mediation ordered. The rest was just agreements.

 

[AGoodParent]

What does it actually say in your interim order? I had one interim order that wasn’t an order at all. All the arrangements were in the first part. Under - it is ordered that - it was just mediation ordered. The rest was just agreements.

It's complicated by the fact we receive an new order after each adjourned hearing but the only clear order is from back in April after the first hearing which states the CAO 'shall remain in force save for:' and then states mother should make child available midweek at specified time and weekend handovers take place at my place of work. The CAO clearly states Fri to Sun on alternate weekends. There only mention of Wednesdays on all orders received after this. I ill check with mum that she hasn't received a differently worded order (it wouldn't surprise me) and if no response will contact the court for clarification of the interim order.

 

[Ash]

That sounds fairly clear to me - every Wednesday and alternate Friday to Sunday. Maybe write to her saying that is what is clear in the interim order from April. And interim orders since then don’t change that situation. If it isn’t agreed that this is what is supposed to be happening you will need to ask the court for an urgent directions hearing.

Maybe then she’ll just agree to follow that.

What do later interim orders say that could in any way change that arrangement?

 

[AGoodParent]

That sounds fairly clear to me - every Wednesday and alternate Friday to Sunday. Maybe write to her saying that is what is clear in the interim order from April. And interim orders since then don’t change that situation. If it isn’t agreed that this is what is supposed to be happening you will need to ask the court for an urgent directions hearing.

Maybe then she’ll just agree to follow that.

What do later interim orders say that could in any way change that arrangement?

Nothing. I think she's referring to something the judge said in April in which he said that we must keep the current routine. She then broke the routine 3 times with no shows and took him away for 7 days over the Summer hols without any consultation. Therefore as there was no routine to follow I insisted we stick to the CAO. She's very angry about this because she does not want to be a parent for full days and is placing our son with childcare as much as she can afford to. She's essentially harassing me now constantly but under the guise of someone who has been abused. I've always maintained that she was the abuser but only friends and family acknowledge that. She's also referred our son to a Mental Health service despite the fact he's only five and using the appointments to withold contact and influence the court ie stating that our son is now especially vulnerable to change in his routine. It's a blatant ruse. Poor kid.

 

[Ash]

Ok so if it’s school holidays, why not offer to take him off her hands for a while! Although schools going back now. I would be concerned about her referring him to mental health services as she will choose who he sees and may coach him to make allegations. Although my ex did this when son was that age claiming he had mental health issues (because he was happy at my house! And because he liked skipping which she thought was weird). The psychiatrist found no issues with son and sent ex on a parenting course!

 

[AGoodParent]

Ok so if it’s school holidays, why not offer to take him off her hands for a while! Although schools going back now. I would be concerned about her referring him to mental health services as she will choose who he sees and may coach him to make allegations. Although my ex did this when son was that age claiming he had mental health issues (because he was happy at my house! And because he liked skipping which she thought was weird). The psychiatrist found no issues with son and sent ex on a parenting course!

I offered her over 2 weeks of days as available over the school holidays and she normally absolutely wants me to have him but this time I've had 4 days extra. She's paid for him to be at Holiday Club instead. Whilst at the same time asking extra childcare funds. It's all because I've applied to vary the order. Anyway thanks for your advice. Much appreciated. I'll be sending the letter to the court with evidence tomorrow.

 

[Ash]

Yeah she won't like it - you applying to vary. Hang in there and get it sorted at final hearing. Unfair on the kids when they mess about like this though (selfish).