Hello,
Very grateful for all of the advice you've shared on this forum, which has been a lifesaver through a difficult period.
I would appreciate guidance around how to move towards equal shared care when the mother is limiting the children's time with father.
I asked for a divorce from my wife at the beginning of this year because our relationship had reached an irreparable stage - with issues around control and mismatched values.
Since then, we have through mediation worked up to two overnights per fortnight, half the school drop-offs, and some day times with my eldest (8 years), and only day times with my youngest (3 years). We also achieved two three-overnight holidays with the eldest over the summer holidays. However, mediation progress stalled and hence I issued a C100. My ex took that badly, raising a C1A claiming physical, emotional and psychological abuse to her and the children (easily refuted) and allegations of drug taking and alcohol abuse (disproven through hair and blood tests, which have both come back negative). She further retaliated by reducing the time that she accepts the children to spend with me, including school runs and afternoon teas (without any factual basis).
I am coping through this fine - I have good counsel, am mentally stable, and enjoy time with the children. This forum has been wonderful too, so thank you. But I also won't deny that it is difficult to see your ex (a person once loved!) seek punishment through their own children; and prefer that they spend time with a full time nanny (or indeed anyone else) in place of you.
The core issue is that my ex does not want to share care of the children with me, and sadly is taking a maximalist approach, to the detriment of our children - who unsurprisingly miss their daddy and do not understand why they can't spend more time with me - nor indeed each other, because the lack of overnights for the youngest means that they are frequently separated from one another.
If there was ever a case for equal shared care, this would surely be it: I have historically been very engaged in our children's lives; the children are in excellent health; I feel no ill-will to my ex; we live 2 minutes from one another; are financially very secure; can prioritise the children beyond our work; and there will be no substantiated welfare concerns.
Yet I fear that my ex has attempted to establish a new status quo whereby she has restricted our children's time with me. They have not been alienated (quite the opposite - they don't understand why this is happening). But, following legal advice and acting reasonable at every stage (and essentially accepting the limited time that has been on offer), I fear I have created a situation whereby the Final Hearing result will be detrimental because overnights are not in place with our younger child, and the mother is primary carer in every sense.
We will have the FHDRA in the autumn and the Final Hearing presumably in the spring. In the meantime, is there anything I can do to build up track record with the children? (Interim Order? ...?). And if the Final Hearing is adverse, when would you recommend to seek to vary the CAO? (6 months? Shorter or longer?). Thank you.
Very grateful for all of the advice you've shared on this forum, which has been a lifesaver through a difficult period.
I would appreciate guidance around how to move towards equal shared care when the mother is limiting the children's time with father.
I asked for a divorce from my wife at the beginning of this year because our relationship had reached an irreparable stage - with issues around control and mismatched values.
Since then, we have through mediation worked up to two overnights per fortnight, half the school drop-offs, and some day times with my eldest (8 years), and only day times with my youngest (3 years). We also achieved two three-overnight holidays with the eldest over the summer holidays. However, mediation progress stalled and hence I issued a C100. My ex took that badly, raising a C1A claiming physical, emotional and psychological abuse to her and the children (easily refuted) and allegations of drug taking and alcohol abuse (disproven through hair and blood tests, which have both come back negative). She further retaliated by reducing the time that she accepts the children to spend with me, including school runs and afternoon teas (without any factual basis).
I am coping through this fine - I have good counsel, am mentally stable, and enjoy time with the children. This forum has been wonderful too, so thank you. But I also won't deny that it is difficult to see your ex (a person once loved!) seek punishment through their own children; and prefer that they spend time with a full time nanny (or indeed anyone else) in place of you.
The core issue is that my ex does not want to share care of the children with me, and sadly is taking a maximalist approach, to the detriment of our children - who unsurprisingly miss their daddy and do not understand why they can't spend more time with me - nor indeed each other, because the lack of overnights for the youngest means that they are frequently separated from one another.
If there was ever a case for equal shared care, this would surely be it: I have historically been very engaged in our children's lives; the children are in excellent health; I feel no ill-will to my ex; we live 2 minutes from one another; are financially very secure; can prioritise the children beyond our work; and there will be no substantiated welfare concerns.
Yet I fear that my ex has attempted to establish a new status quo whereby she has restricted our children's time with me. They have not been alienated (quite the opposite - they don't understand why this is happening). But, following legal advice and acting reasonable at every stage (and essentially accepting the limited time that has been on offer), I fear I have created a situation whereby the Final Hearing result will be detrimental because overnights are not in place with our younger child, and the mother is primary carer in every sense.
We will have the FHDRA in the autumn and the Final Hearing presumably in the spring. In the meantime, is there anything I can do to build up track record with the children? (Interim Order? ...?). And if the Final Hearing is adverse, when would you recommend to seek to vary the CAO? (6 months? Shorter or longer?). Thank you.