Please change the title of this post to: How “easy” is it to change lives with to lives with both
————————
Hello,
I am new here and I would like to find out how “easy” it is to change a lives with to lives with both whilst waiting for a final hearing in August 2025.
I have an interim order. Child lived with the mother. Whilst I get to see the child for 6 hours on alternate Sundays and video calls once a week.
My question is how “easy” is it change lives with to lives with both? I know there’s no vast difference in practice but I feel it would make the other understand better that we are equal since we both have PR. She/her solicitors keep repeating things like I am the main carer or I am the mother and know best etc when in communication with my solicitor.
Some relevant incidents:
1) I have several incidents of direct contact being cancelled at last minute for various reasons from tummy aches to going to tuition.
The tummy ache incident I said I am capable of looking after a poorly child but she said I am the mother and can look after him best. She finally agreed to a “replacement time”.
Regarding tuition it was something that we both agreed before the interim court order some time ago. I assumed he wasn’t going anymore and was left out from the court order. She had a barrister and plenty opportunities to include it in the order if it was clashing with my time or object to it. I went to pick up my child from tuition as she didn’t turn up at the agreed pick up point but the tuition refused and said the mother dropped off the child so she can only pick him up. This is despite them acknowledging they had the court order. They said the court order doesn’t apply to the tuition centre. It applies to the parents and that I should go back to the court!
2) Court order says to use a parenting app called Our Family Wizard but she said she needs a phone upgrade. I offered £500 for a refurbished phone from apple website. She refused and said she needed double that amount. My preference is to use a parenting app because it includes lots of useful features like “checking into a location”, phone calls/messages history, etc. I already paid for an annual subscription for both of us as per the court order
3) she submitted a secondary school application without agreement and still hasn’t sent me a copy of it. I submitted my own version but local authority said they accept one version and it’s “normally” from the parent the child lives with majority of the time. About a month prior to this I started the process through my solicitors to agree with her which schools I am considering and get her opinions on them with the view that I would submit the form for both of us. After she gave her opinions she submitted her version and said her only job was to inform the other parent what’s happening and doesn’t need to agree anything with me.
4) She’s asked the school to block me from taking my child to an open day during the morning of a school day after she dropped him. The school sided with her saying they don’t allow non-emergency appointments or open days during school hours. This is a lie because plenty of children attend open days from my child’s school and other school. Also my child attend non-urgent hospital and dental appointments during school hours. However, I didn’t argue with the school and accepted it. Then a week later I find out she took the child to an open day to another school during school hours. The school said they didn’t agree to it and she did it before dropping him to school so there’s nothing they could have done. Personally I don’t believe this.
5) She will do everything to prevent me from attending hospital appointments. She will do this by not telling me about any upcoming appointments. If I join/turn up for an appointment, she says that not order by the court so you will not see him next Sunday as a penalty because you saw him at the hospital.
6) As I have had 8 consecutive Sundays, my solicitor considers things are going well and advised to step up the contact very slowly (the aim of for overnights) and to ask for couple of hour mid week after school pickup but she’s refused these attempts to “step up” the contact. She’s refused to give any reasons/concerns or provide any alternatives.
I can keep going but hopefully you got some ideas what I am dealing with.
The final hearing is August 2024. I would like to submit a c2 to change the lives with you lives with both to send a strong message to mother.
Anyone experienced this sort of thing and can advice please?
————————
Hello,
I am new here and I would like to find out how “easy” it is to change a lives with to lives with both whilst waiting for a final hearing in August 2025.
I have an interim order. Child lived with the mother. Whilst I get to see the child for 6 hours on alternate Sundays and video calls once a week.
My question is how “easy” is it change lives with to lives with both? I know there’s no vast difference in practice but I feel it would make the other understand better that we are equal since we both have PR. She/her solicitors keep repeating things like I am the main carer or I am the mother and know best etc when in communication with my solicitor.
Some relevant incidents:
1) I have several incidents of direct contact being cancelled at last minute for various reasons from tummy aches to going to tuition.
The tummy ache incident I said I am capable of looking after a poorly child but she said I am the mother and can look after him best. She finally agreed to a “replacement time”.
Regarding tuition it was something that we both agreed before the interim court order some time ago. I assumed he wasn’t going anymore and was left out from the court order. She had a barrister and plenty opportunities to include it in the order if it was clashing with my time or object to it. I went to pick up my child from tuition as she didn’t turn up at the agreed pick up point but the tuition refused and said the mother dropped off the child so she can only pick him up. This is despite them acknowledging they had the court order. They said the court order doesn’t apply to the tuition centre. It applies to the parents and that I should go back to the court!
2) Court order says to use a parenting app called Our Family Wizard but she said she needs a phone upgrade. I offered £500 for a refurbished phone from apple website. She refused and said she needed double that amount. My preference is to use a parenting app because it includes lots of useful features like “checking into a location”, phone calls/messages history, etc. I already paid for an annual subscription for both of us as per the court order
3) she submitted a secondary school application without agreement and still hasn’t sent me a copy of it. I submitted my own version but local authority said they accept one version and it’s “normally” from the parent the child lives with majority of the time. About a month prior to this I started the process through my solicitors to agree with her which schools I am considering and get her opinions on them with the view that I would submit the form for both of us. After she gave her opinions she submitted her version and said her only job was to inform the other parent what’s happening and doesn’t need to agree anything with me.
4) She’s asked the school to block me from taking my child to an open day during the morning of a school day after she dropped him. The school sided with her saying they don’t allow non-emergency appointments or open days during school hours. This is a lie because plenty of children attend open days from my child’s school and other school. Also my child attend non-urgent hospital and dental appointments during school hours. However, I didn’t argue with the school and accepted it. Then a week later I find out she took the child to an open day to another school during school hours. The school said they didn’t agree to it and she did it before dropping him to school so there’s nothing they could have done. Personally I don’t believe this.
5) She will do everything to prevent me from attending hospital appointments. She will do this by not telling me about any upcoming appointments. If I join/turn up for an appointment, she says that not order by the court so you will not see him next Sunday as a penalty because you saw him at the hospital.
6) As I have had 8 consecutive Sundays, my solicitor considers things are going well and advised to step up the contact very slowly (the aim of for overnights) and to ask for couple of hour mid week after school pickup but she’s refused these attempts to “step up” the contact. She’s refused to give any reasons/concerns or provide any alternatives.
I can keep going but hopefully you got some ideas what I am dealing with.
The final hearing is August 2024. I would like to submit a c2 to change the lives with you lives with both to send a strong message to mother.
Anyone experienced this sort of thing and can advice please?
Last edited:
