Mortgage and legal fees

[SoulDad]

Hi all

So, me and ex have been separated for approx 2 years. I moved to my parents house. We have 2 kids, now 6 and 12. I have been having kids Friday to Sunday every weekend and half of all school holidays. I was paying all bills and mortgage up until about 1 year a go and now only pay the mortgage. We've attended MIAM (for over 1.5 years) and we haven't come to an agreement over children's residency and finances. We have 2 properties and she also has a business so finances have been complex but we did do a full form e disclosure during MIAM. Now, it's come to a point where she is now involving solicitors. I also now have a solicitor. I have asked for equal living with parents. She hasn't agreed and wants to cut my access to every other weekend. Want to keep this short but also want to stress, I am an active father and always have been since their births. I dedicate every minute of the day when I have them ensuring homework is done and also doing many other extra curricular activities. The kids love spending time with me and have been vocal about it too. I think the ex has started to become malicious when she suspected I might have a new girlfriend.
Anyway, I need to pay for solicitor fees and the mortgage an debt we have restricts me from doing so. I called our mortgage company and explained situation and they ssid they can give us a mortgage holiday for a few months without affecting our credit. Great. However, my ex has to agree. Which she didn't. When I messaged her she didn't reply and the following day I received a letter from her solicitor saying she doesn't agree with the mortgage holiday.
Now my question is, shall I stop paying the mortgage so I can pay for solicitor fees and a high possibility of court fees for child arrangements order? I have no other way of funding it unless free up some debt (mortgage is £1900/month)
At this point I don't care if I have a missed payment.

 

[Ash]

Hi. I think you definitely need to be applying for a Child Arrangements order for 50/50 shared care/lives with both parents. Is there room at your parents house for the kids to have their own rooms? Your ex would probably argue the 12 year old needs his own room. Also what are your plans for housing for yourself for the future? It's not reasonable to expect you to keep living at your parents indefinitely.

As regards court fees. Initially, you can put your own application in (which I think is the best way anyway, if worded well - as it's in your own words). I've always done my own applications then used a lawyer at later stages for hearings. The court fee for submitting an application is £232. So it's doable. Anything that happens after submittting and before first hearing, is basically drivel. If you had a solicitor they'd be sending letters back and forth and charging you for them and it would make no difference. I'd save your funds for representation at hearings and you can get tips on here in between. I have had bad experiences with a few solicitors - spent a fortune. However I have had great experiences with direct access barristers, who are great with hearings and the fee is just for the day and a consultation - works out cheaper and you get a higher level professional on the case.

If you want 50/50 I would definitely use a barrister. So you'd be talking about 4k plus vat for a decent barrister for a full day hearing (half that for a half day hearing like the first hearing).

Another alternative to a mortgage payment holiday is remortgaging onto an interest only mortgage. Which basically never pays off the debt - you just keep paying the interest - but it can reduce monthly amounts significantly.

If both your names are on the mortgage, then they may need her consent for that as well.

She's trying to get you over a barrel and this is very common - using the financial situation as leverage over the kids.

I don't think stopping paying the mortgage payments is a good idea though.

You want your 50/50 order before the divorce is finalised IMO - that way she can't use the kids as leverage over finances. And you won't be paying Child Maintenance in future - that will already be established, via the 50.50 order, before the divorce is finalised.

I would stop paying any solicitors bills, disinstruct your solicitor and sit tight - let them wait. And put your own application in for Child Arrangements. Let them wait for the rest. Financing it - if the mortgage company have agreed to a mortgage holiday and she is refusing to agree to this then you "could" write a formal letter stating if there is no agreement to the mortgage holiday and remortgaging to interest only, you will be unable to continue paying monthly.

However you want to tread carefully. If you do that, or stop paying the mortgage, she can do worse re the kids. Stop you seeing them at all, make allegations against you, alienate them against you.

So I think a step by step approach should be

1) Stay quiet about the finances and mortgage for now.
2) Put your own application for Child Arrangements in. Nothing much will happen for at least 6 weeks court wise - you'll get court papers back (as will your ex so she'll then know you've applied to court) and you'll have a Cafcass interview on the phone (that's important).
3) This will distract your ex and her team from the financials as they'll be having to deal with the Child Arrangements application.
4) It covers you - if she later makes allegations, it will be seen that these are reaction to you having applied to court.

Keep things close to your chest.

 

[Ash]

This guide isn't finished. But happy to help. It includes the link to the C100 form.

How to complete the C100 Form

We thought a guide to completing the form could be useful. This is the C100 form for applying for a Child Arrangements Order, Specific Issues Order or Prohibited Steps Order. C100 form on .Gov website If you scroll down the page you will see...

www.dadswithkids.co.uk

 

[SoulDad]

Thanks for promt and detailed reply Ash. So yes, my parents home is big enough and both kids have their own room. Future plans will be to buy or rent a new home after financial settlement.
So my solicitor has my c100 form ready to go but I'm waiting for MIAM to sign off which I emailed him today for an urgent reply. Once that is done then my solicitor already has a draft ready to send her solicitor that we have applied for the Court order. They obviously can't do it until that c100 is signed off. So I've alrwsdy paid for this preparation but I agree with you that most responses can come from me directly. She's basically asking her solicitors to write letters to me which could have been a simple text message. It's a joke but it is what it is and I'm haply to respond to them. I don't get bullied easily and my responses so far have been professional and always kids focused. I'll definitely look into a direct barrister for the hearing and then preparing other paperwork myself. The issue with the finance is that my debts are so high from the marriage (joint debts but in my name) that I have no disposable income and I'm a high hearner. The montage holiday would have beensomw breathing space. She has no reasons at all to reject it apart from to spite me and ensure I don't have funds for legal. Thanks Ash. I look forward to more guidance

 

[Ash]

What have you asked for on the C100? My experience is usually that solicitors put absolute minimum in box 5b. But as long as you're happy with your solicitor handling it, you could use the solicitor for submission, then politely explain you have to dis-instruct as you can't afford the ongoing legal bills. Yes your ex will run up your legal bills by having her solicitor send yours loads of letters!
Regardless of who submits the C100, you have the opportunity to submit a brief position statement, with more specifics, before the first hearing.

One thing it's essential to ensure though, is that the C100 wording isn't "woolly". It needs to be clear and specific and on the front page, where it asks what you're asking for it should say "Child Arrangements order for children to live with both parents on a 50/50 shared care basis".

If not asked for directly at this stage, it can be left "open". And always best to ask for more and negotiate down, than not ask for enough.

Main thing is it says "lives with both parents" and 50/50.