Hey all.
I haven’t been on for a while just being trying to process everything and keep myself afloat
.
The pain is still very much as strong as it was previously but I’m learning to cope with it and just try and focus on the happy memories I have which I know in my heart is the truthful side to my story. And this memories that can’t be taken away from me or my little girl.
I know now that I’m not viewed as part of my little girls life as I’ve seen school pictures of family trees and of course there is no mention of me or any of my family which is so sad they really do cause that much damage that you can be erased so easily but I don’t believe deep down I’m still inside my little ones heart.
I’m on the path to accepting that I’ll highly likely not see my daughter again for many many years which all I can describe is “grieving the loss” of someone who hasn’t actually passed it’s the most horrendous feeling which I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and that’s including my ex who has caused all this crazy I know but I just don’t have it in me to be that cruel.
I think the hardest part now is what to write when I send the cards to my little one every couple of weeks I try to keep it light and just mention Diego and day to day things as I’ve been told telling them how much you miss them etc isn’t the best way to go but I admit it’s so hard not to pour my heart out to her. I do also send the odd present with the card but not every time I thought every time would be ott and could look like I’m trying to bribe her.
One plus point is she is doing amazing in school and I’m so proud of how she is coping but on a selfish level it hurts that there seems to be no real impact on her losing me it’s a very surreal feeling.
I hope all of you are well and doing the best you can no matter your situations not easy I know but the best thing for our kids is for them to have a strong happy father there ready and waiting and for me that’s exactly what I’m going to be.
Cry those tears there is no shame in it we are human and our kids are our lives so don’t ever shut yourself away or bottle it up let it out believe me you will be surprised just how much of a release it is.
Much love everyone
I haven’t been on for a while just being trying to process everything and keep myself afloat
.The pain is still very much as strong as it was previously but I’m learning to cope with it and just try and focus on the happy memories I have which I know in my heart is the truthful side to my story. And this memories that can’t be taken away from me or my little girl.
I know now that I’m not viewed as part of my little girls life as I’ve seen school pictures of family trees and of course there is no mention of me or any of my family which is so sad they really do cause that much damage that you can be erased so easily but I don’t believe deep down I’m still inside my little ones heart.
I’m on the path to accepting that I’ll highly likely not see my daughter again for many many years which all I can describe is “grieving the loss” of someone who hasn’t actually passed it’s the most horrendous feeling which I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and that’s including my ex who has caused all this crazy I know but I just don’t have it in me to be that cruel.
I think the hardest part now is what to write when I send the cards to my little one every couple of weeks I try to keep it light and just mention Diego and day to day things as I’ve been told telling them how much you miss them etc isn’t the best way to go but I admit it’s so hard not to pour my heart out to her. I do also send the odd present with the card but not every time I thought every time would be ott and could look like I’m trying to bribe her.
One plus point is she is doing amazing in school and I’m so proud of how she is coping but on a selfish level it hurts that there seems to be no real impact on her losing me it’s a very surreal feeling.
I hope all of you are well and doing the best you can no matter your situations not easy I know but the best thing for our kids is for them to have a strong happy father there ready and waiting and for me that’s exactly what I’m going to be.
Cry those tears there is no shame in it we are human and our kids are our lives so don’t ever shut yourself away or bottle it up let it out believe me you will be surprised just how much of a release it is.
Much love everyone
