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Mediation fees - ex wants me to cover
- Thread starter Iain4444
- Start date
Tricky. There is still a £500 voucher available for mediation. You would have to pay for your initial MIAM and then get the voucher for the mediation. I would have your own MIAM (first mediation appointment on your own), ask the mediator about the voucher scheme and the mediator can then invite your ex.
I think it is a tactical decision and if some compromise means you can settle quickly in mediation then you might want to pay more than half. However, my experience where my ex got mediation on legal aid (anyone on a low income can, it doesn't have to be because of DA or DV) was not a good one because whereas I was paying hundreds per session and motivated to use them productively, my wife barely engaged because she wasn't paying anything. The same is likely to happen if your wife isn't paying anything at all.
I would suggest splitting the cost but with her not necessarily paying a full half. She has to have something to lose from the discussions drawing out.
I would suggest splitting the cost but with her not necessarily paying a full half. She has to have something to lose from the discussions drawing out.
That's a good point too. Legal aid for mediation has a much higher threshold than for family court. I think it's about £2,000 a month. Even if you're earning more than that, if she has less income than that, she might be entitled to legal aid - and if she is entitled, you both get legal aid for mediation. And there's the £500 voucher.
If the mediation is to do with access to the kids, then this is a delaying tactic to embed the status quo. If so, then worth considering running a c100 in parallel with mediation - you'd need to try to set up a mediation session first, then submit the c100. I fell for a similar mistake in trying too long at mediation while she delayed and procrastinated, and it cost me dearly.
I just noticed you said it would be your third mediation session in 9 months. So a) you've already started mediation and b) 9 months is crazy! Even mediators say about 3 mediation sessions should be enough and that would be over 3 or 4 weeks!
I agree with baked apple. Your ex is deliberately stringing this out to keep the status quo. It might also be too late to be signed off as a MIAM only lasts four months (depending on how long since your last mediation session).
I agree that you could get signed off, apply to court, and continue with mediation as well. But to achieve that you would need to go to a different mediator for a new MIAM, say you don't want to mediate and get the sign off form. There are places online who will do that in 24 hours.
If you go to the current mediator and ask to be signed off then the mediator will tell your ex and your ex will almost certainly know that means you're applying to court and she might wap an application in first to wrong-foot you. However asking the current mediator to sign you off is an option.
But I think you need to ask the current mediator to assess you and your ex for legal aid and ask about the £500 voucher, while getting signed off mediation elsewhere and putting your C100 in. Because there is game playing going on.
I agree with baked apple. Your ex is deliberately stringing this out to keep the status quo. It might also be too late to be signed off as a MIAM only lasts four months (depending on how long since your last mediation session).
I agree that you could get signed off, apply to court, and continue with mediation as well. But to achieve that you would need to go to a different mediator for a new MIAM, say you don't want to mediate and get the sign off form. There are places online who will do that in 24 hours.
If you go to the current mediator and ask to be signed off then the mediator will tell your ex and your ex will almost certainly know that means you're applying to court and she might wap an application in first to wrong-foot you. However asking the current mediator to sign you off is an option.
But I think you need to ask the current mediator to assess you and your ex for legal aid and ask about the £500 voucher, while getting signed off mediation elsewhere and putting your C100 in. Because there is game playing going on.
Thanks all - i ended up paying for the mediation session just to try and see if we could move forward. It was a bit of a waste of time and wasn’t very solution focussed.
My ex followed up a few days later with new proposals which conceded some further overnights - going from 6 to 8 a month. It would mean that twice a month i have instances of two consecutive overnights.
If agreed she also wants an 8 to 10month freeze before any further increases are considered.
My son is currently 2 and a bit, so he’d be almost 3 by the time any further overnight increases could take place.
My solicitor is encouraging me to take the increase so as to set a precedent of consecutive overnights but I want to go from 6 to 9 to 12 overnights, gradually over a three month period. I also want Friday overnights instead of/in addition to the Monday nights she is offering (monday is his nursery day)
Am I being too ambitious/unreasonable?
What would a typical increase look like for a two year old if a court were involved?
Is it possible to have my counter proposals reviewed on here?
Thanks as ever guys!
Iain
My ex followed up a few days later with new proposals which conceded some further overnights - going from 6 to 8 a month. It would mean that twice a month i have instances of two consecutive overnights.
If agreed she also wants an 8 to 10month freeze before any further increases are considered.
My son is currently 2 and a bit, so he’d be almost 3 by the time any further overnight increases could take place.
My solicitor is encouraging me to take the increase so as to set a precedent of consecutive overnights but I want to go from 6 to 9 to 12 overnights, gradually over a three month period. I also want Friday overnights instead of/in addition to the Monday nights she is offering (monday is his nursery day)
Am I being too ambitious/unreasonable?
What would a typical increase look like for a two year old if a court were involved?
Is it possible to have my counter proposals reviewed on here?
Thanks as ever guys!
Iain
This is a pathetic bone she's throwing you. In 8 months time, she won't increase and the 8 a month will be the de-facto norm by then.
The only way I'd settle on 8 a month out of court is with a signed agreement of a path to 50:50 between now and aged 5; looking at the results on this forum, and assuming no safeguarding concerns, courts are becoming a tiny bit more favourable to the dad - look though the court results forum to see what other dads are achieving and set that as your target.
The only way I'd settle on 8 a month out of court is with a signed agreement of a path to 50:50 between now and aged 5; looking at the results on this forum, and assuming no safeguarding concerns, courts are becoming a tiny bit more favourable to the dad - look though the court results forum to see what other dads are achieving and set that as your target.
I'd be in full agreement.
If you agree to an 8 month freeze you are setting yourself up for the status quo.
If you agree to an 8 month freeze you are setting yourself up for the status quo.
This is what i have set out in response to my exs proposal. My son is 2 and 2months now. Should i go further and set out a roadmap to full 50/50? I feel that my solicitor keeps cautioning me not to be overly prescriptive???
Because of how happy and confident X is in my care, which can be readily evidenced by friends and family, I believe that we could move to 12 overnights in October, however, if you still wanted to adopt a more gradual approach, I would be happy phasing the adjustments over three months with a blend of weekdays and weekends, as follows:
First three months (from October 2024):
• Add one additional weekend night and one additional weekday night.
• This would increase X's overnights from 6 to 9 per month.
Second three months (from January 2025):
• Add a further additional weekend night and a further additional weekday night.
• This would increase X’s overnights from 9 to 12 per month.
Thanks bakedapple - can i ask why between now and 5? Why not sooner. Ideally i’d like to be at 50/50 by the time he is 3. He is currently 2years and 2months.
Exactly this. She is stringing you along and then if you applied to court they would say there is already an existing pattern. I think you should apply to court now, for 50/50, asking for progression to 50/50 by aged 3 with gradually increasing time meanwhile. That can all be set out in an order and your ex can't call the shots any more then.
Afraid I don't agree with your solicitor's advice. If you accept her offer now you're likely to end up stuck with that time and no more ever again - because the court will say it's an established schedule. You want a Child Arrangements order in place long before your child starts school age 4, and it could take a year. Also whatever your ex says is worthless really as she can just change her mind at any time.