Making the best of it...

[Kyle]

I appreciate that not everyone celebrates Christmas as not everyone in the UK observes what is traditionally a Christian festival, but I hope each and every one of you dads battling for the right to spend time with your children can find some peace and happiness during this time.

My own attitude leading up to this week was that I'm not going to bother. I'm not going to put up a tree. I'm not going to buy any presents. I'm not going anywhere on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or Boxing Day.

I won't be seeing my son on Christmas Day, or any day over the festive period, for the first time in his and my life, so what have I got to celebrate?

I'm thankful that my attitude has softened slightly now and I've seen some light in the dark thoughts.

At the end of the day, I still have a father, a brother and sister, nephews and nieces who also have small children. So why shut myself off from the world and wallow in my own self pity? It's only a few days. So despite the huge wound in my heart. I'm going to make the best of it.

Again. I hope you all have the best time you can. I wish you all the happiest Christmas and New Year that you possibly can.

In 2023. The fight continues.

 

[John]

Keep your chin up buddy.. Also my first Christmas without seeing my children too, it’s gonna be tough and I will probably she’s a tear or 2..
You’re not alone mate.

 

[mva]

Chin up all. A third year missing Xmas and birthdays with my boys. The ties are loosening every week. As they grow so fast and we miss so many memories. It’s very hard and time doesn’t really repair this loss. But all we can do is have hope.

 

[Ash]

Kyle - that is not a bad idea. Some people just go on holiday and ignore Christmas - why feel like a spare part in a family atmosphere somewhere else - although company is good. Some of my best Christmases have been unconventional. Not since my son though. I am used to never seeing him on Christmas Day (not for years now) but have a special day one other day in the holidays usually. But not seeing your kids at all over the Christmas holidays is a tough one.

But I like your approach - it can make you miserable going through the motions of the traditional things on your own so why bother. I certainly wouldn't bother with a tree if I had no kids coming (although I do have a small cardboard one as a token tree if needed!).

But you need something good to do. If spending the day with a brother and family is it, then enjoy the company. Company is important. Or split the day between 2 or 3 sets of people - that makes it go quicker and more fun.

Are you not even allowed to send presents to your kids? I usually work some of Christmas Day anyway.

 

[proud_dad]

I don't celebrate Christmas - I never have, so I am not affected in the same way when the kids are not with me. Nonetheless, I feel for dads who have celebrated this day with kids.

I will be around on Christmas, so just post something in the forum if you want to chat.

Take care brothers (and sisters).

 

[Peanut 21]

It seems there's a few dads not seeing kids at all this festive period. My other half won't be seeing his. We're go to my parents Xmas day and then boxing day we're going to other end of the country to watch his football team. It'll be a great distraction for him.
If I had it my way we'd go to one of the Canary Islands for a week....couldn't plan such short notice though

 

[Ash]

Fancy going to the canary islands myself! Sounds great - good weather. But I'm working. I will see my son at some point during the holidays but not sure of the dates so I need to be here anyway. Gets difficult with older kids (and an ex who is selfish and has an agenda). On the other hand it's not quite the same as when they're little kids and it's exciting. It's always exciting but more so for younger kids maybe. I just see it now as something I shall be glad when it's over!

 

[Peanut 21]

Second that Ash. The Xmas holidays we had the kids I made the effort with decorations/presents etc for the kids. This year I'll be glad to welcome a new year. Christmas really is for Christians (officially anyway) and little kids. Roll on spring!!

 

[Ash]

I think the main emotional thing is it's seen as a time for families and happiness and so much stuff around showing happy families. Making others feel left out. Not having a TV on helps a lot. Then things feel a bit more normal. The day itself can seem very quiet and isolating though so important to have a plan! Whatever it is. It's the same for families after a bereavement - many can't face Christmas because of the historical sameness and reminders, and go on holiday or do something different instead. It's a tradition but you don't need to follow it (except for the kids).

For little kids, having two Christmases is great! If you have a second one when you see them. I used to spend Christmas Day wrapping presents for the "second Christmas" - that was my tradition.

If you're not getting to see them at all - it is really tough - and really does bring home that your kids are being excluded from your life. But look to the future. Next year will be better.

 

[Kyle]

Are you not even allowed to send presents to your kids?

I've got my last contact centre session of the year tomorrow and I have put some presents in one of these canvas Santa delivery sacks. So that will be it until the centre reopens on the 7th January.

 

[Ash]

That seems very unfair to close contact centres over Christmas.

 

[Kyle]

That seems very unfair to close contact centres over Christmas.

Not a lot of choice if nobody wants to work.

 

[Peanut 21]

And how many of you have exes who will spoil the kids rotten so no matter what dad gets it will pale into insignificance?
They've had computers etc previous years. This year it's smaller heart felt stuff.

 

[Ash]

Or ex's who rubbish Dad's presents or throw them away ..........

 

[Roblox]

It's tough mate. I've missed birthdays, thankfully not Christmas's.

You do harden and it does get easier (although of course it's all relative as it still pisses me off now even 4 years on when the latest drama unfolds).

Definitely surround yourself with people for at least some of the time. As others have said a good distraction can be a big help.