Loose lips

[bujanin]

One of my sons classmates taunts and teases him using things they've heard from their parents. The parents are close friends of the mother and it's upsetting and annoying my child. It is obviously indiscreet of both my ex wife and her friends, I mean kids will be kids but adults should know better with their loose lips. The taunts are based on bad mouthing of me and allegations openly discussed in front of the classmate.

All three of us have had our CC section 7 meeting.

To stop this should I alert the school, the CC officer or write to the mother? Any thoughts on how to play it would be welcomed.

My concern is the on going upset to my child who now has to suffer this at school as well as at home.

 

[Resolute]

I would be extremely cautious about raising this with your ex. It could easily put your child in the doghouse with her.

The age of your son is important, I would approach differently for an older child. My child is primary school age. In similar situations, I have encouraged the child to:

Speak with the teacher while I am there

Engage with the school SENCo

Complete the ELSA course

These have all helped. On a couple of occasions I have confided in a trusted member of school staff confidentially regarding concerns. It took quite a long time to establish that confidential space though.

Maybe something could be mentioned to Cafcass. I'm not sure. Will they be interviewing the child?

Could your son write to the Cafcass officer?

 

[bujanin]

I would be extremely cautious about raising this with your ex. It could easily put your child in the doghouse with her.

The age of your son is important, I would approach differently for an older child. My child is primary school age. In similar situations, I have encouraged the child to:

Speak with the teacher while I am there

Engage with the school SENCo

Complete the ELSA course

These have all helped. On a couple of occasions I have confided in a trusted member of school staff confidentially regarding concerns. It took quite a long time to establish that confidential space though.

Maybe something could be mentioned to Cafcass. I'm not sure. Will they be interviewing the child?

Could your son write to the Cafcass officer?

He's done the ELSA course over the past year. He's primary, nine. CAFCASS have been to the school recently and I have access to them via email. I wouldn't want to go down the road of asking him to write to CAFCASS I'd like to write to the head, cc'ing CAFCASS. It's not right, school should be where he's free of this rubbish.

 

[Resolute]

He's done the ELSA course over the past year. He's primary, nine. CAFCASS have been to the school recently and I have access to them via email. I wouldn't want to go down the road of asking him to write to CAFCASS I'd like to write to the head, cc'ing CAFCASS. It's not right, school should be where he's free of this rubbish.

Similar age to my child. Following the ELSA there is often an opportunity for the child to drop in with the person who delivered the course if they are feeling troubled. Mine uses this fairly regularly. Could your son have a conversation about the bullying this way? I might be inclined to deal with it as bullying and let the inappropriate disclosure from your ex come out of its own accord.

The risk of writing to the head and Cafcass is it could be classed as point scoring. You would have to word very carefully and have confidence in them both.

EDIT
Also, are you confident what you write would not go straight to your ex?

 

[bujanin]

Similar age to my child. Following the ELSA there is often an opportunity for the child to drop in with the person who delivered the course if they are feeling troubled. Mine uses this fairly regularly. Could your son have a conversation about the bullying this way? I might be inclined to deal with it as bullying and let the inappropriate disclosure from your ex come out of its own accord.

The risk of writing to the head and Cafcass is it could be classed as point scoring. You would have to word very carefully and have confidence in them both.

EDIT
Also, are you confident what you write would not go straight to your ex?

I mean I would make it clear that my concern is for my childs mental wellbeing because it's more aggro at the place where he should be free of it. It could be perceived as point scoring but it's not my intention. I'm not confident that it wouldn't make it's way to my ex but I'm not hiding anything the kids getting earache and the source is unacceptable.

 

[Ash]

I'd deal with the school. Is there a teacher who knows you? Although sometimes better to go to the Head if it's a primary school. They have a duty to look after children in school (in loco parentis), and also to deal with bullying - which is what this is.

Maybe email the Head and say you have concerns that your son is being taunted by other children who are repeating untrue bad things about you apparently, that they have heard elsewhere and this is causing him distress. Please can they keep an eye on things and see if there's anything they can do to improve the situation for him in school. And that there must be other children who have separated parents and the last thing they need is being taunted about their situation. The Head might email back or just phone you.

 

[Ash]

I might have misread your post - is it just one classmate and do you know who it is? If so, then say that in the email. No need to go into all the stuff about his Mum being friends with ex etc, The classmate will learn something if it comes from school/a teacher - that it's wrong (and maybe realise his Mum is also wrong to say these things).