Keeping my child with me due too safeguarding concerns at his mums

[Evie07]

Hi All

I'm new here and looking for some advice really.

A few weeks ago I found out my son had been physically assaulted by his stepdad after seeing marks on his neck and when the day came for him to return home to his mums I tried to talk to her about what our son had told me but she did her usual and got defensive and said it was all lies. She does this anytime I try to speak to her about anything our children have said to me over the weekends with me.
She may not believe our son's version of events but I do and therefore I reported his stepdad to the police. Social services have been in contact and because of my son's age (13) and I am on his birth certificate they are happy for him to be with me.

I have since tried to make contact with my ex and she refuses to speak too me, to date she has not spoken to him about seeing him and maintains her husband (the stepdad) is the most amazing person.

I know she has potentially spoken to a solicitor as she told our boy this (why would you tell a child this) but as I'm sure a lot of you here are aware solicitors aren't cheap and I don't really want it to turn into a legal battle.

I would just like to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and hear some experiences.

Many Thanks

 

[Ash]

Hi. Glad you were able to keep him. I think you're going to need some back up from social services if your ex now applies to court. When is he 14? No one is going to force a 14 year old to go back if they say someone hit him. Hopefully that will be the case for a 13 year old as well. Presumably he still wants to see his Mum however? Tricky.

 

[Evie07]

Hi. Glad you were able to keep him. I think you're going to need some back up from social services if your ex now applies to court. When is he 14? No one is going to force a 14 year old to go back if they say someone hit him. Hopefully that will be the case for a 13 year old as well. Presumably he still wants to see his Mum however? Tricky.

Hi, he isn’t 14 till end of the year.
I’m hoping she doesn’t as her and her household have somehow convinced my youngest not to visit me. I was thinking they wouldn’t make him go back but friends have said to me courts have done worse. Look at baby P for example.
Yea he wants too see her but is also heartbroken she’s choosing her husband over him.

The social worker I have spoken too sounds useless to be fair so I’m not sure what else they could do.

 

[Ash]

So you have another child who lives with ex and her H? How old is the other child?

I'd suggest you start mediation with the ex and try and sort something out. If she's witholding the other child because you're witholding your 13 year old. I'd have thought social services would want to know if the other child is at risk too.

The only issue there is - mediation isn't suitable if there's any abuse and tends not to work. But I think you need to try and talk to her. She will no doublt be blind when it comes to her H and won't want to lose her relationship.

I can't see the courts making a 13 year old go back - their wishes are taken seriously at that age and if he says why he doesn't want to go back they can't make him. The problem is that only you and your ex have PR - so it is supposed to be your ex's responsibility to ensure anyone around the kids is safe - but she won't see it maybe.

I'll wait to hear back from you about the other child before suggesting anything else.

 

[Evie07]

So you have another child who lives with ex and her H? How old is the other child?

I'd suggest you start mediation with the ex and try and sort something out. If she's witholding the other child because you're witholding your 13 year old. I'd have thought social services would want to know if the other child is at risk too.

The only issue there is - mediation isn't suitable if there's any abuse and tends not to work. But I think you need to try and talk to her. She will no doublt be blind when it comes to her H and won't want to lose her relationship.

I can't see the courts making a 13 year old go back - their wishes are taken seriously at that age and if he says why he doesn't want to go back they can't make him. The problem is that only you and your ex have PR - so it is supposed to be your ex's responsibility to ensure anyone around the kids is safe - but she won't see it maybe.

I'll wait to hear back from you about the other child before suggesting anything else.

Yea there’s another child who’s 10 but is strongly managed by them so isn’t bothered about seeing me.

I’ve tried talking to her but she’s not listening to me about how the eldest feels and just thinks I’m trying to cause problems for her H.

There haven’t been any issues I was aware of before but it does make me question everything from recent events.

A lot of the trouble is we both have a different child when it comes to the eldest she seems to have problems and issues with him and I never have any issues.