A bit about my backstory: I was arrested on suspicion of rape, and after six months of investigation—including phone scrutiny, interviews, and more—there was no case to answer, and no further action was taken. Initially, I wasn't allowed to see my children until a Section 7 report was completed. To keep it short, after ten supervised fortnightly sessions with my kids (aged 12 and 15) and receiving a glowing Section 7 report, I was finally able to see them unsupervised, whenever they wanted.
After my arrest, the police took me to the family home, where my ex handed over two bags of clothes. They then dropped me off at my mother’s house, where I have been living ever since.
My ex made allegations of domestic abuse, but her applications for both a non-molestation order and an occupation order were dismissed by the judge in the Final Order.
I bought my house in 2003, met my ex in 2007, and we moved in together in 2009. We had two children, but after she had an affair, our marriage started to break down. In 2023, we agreed to separate, but she escalated the situation by making the rape allegation, effectively “kicking me out.”
The mortgage is in my name only, although she has registered matrimonial rights on the property. I still pay the mortgage, buildings and contents insurance, and child maintenance (CMS). I’ve managed to extend the mortgage term from 3 years remaining to a new 23-year term, which has reduced the monthly payments significantly—something my ex is not yet aware of but will be when we complete our financial disclosure.
My ex recently finished her studies as a mature student, completing both a degree and a postgraduate course. She’s working part-time and has stated in a recent FDR application that she’s “looking for permanent work” and can’t afford to move out or contribute to the mortgage. She wants me to continue covering the payments until she can afford to do so. Her priority, as she claims, is ensuring a home for herself and the children.
We don’t communicate directly. The court suggested using a communication app, but I deleted it after a few days because I felt she was becoming passive-aggressive. Now, we communicate through our children. While not ideal, it works considering everything she put me through.
In terms of shared care: My eldest sees me about once a week, including holidays, so I don’t expect any reduction in child maintenance. However, my youngest stays overnight every weekend and sometimes up to three nights a week. Recently, we’ve been discussing the possibility of her moving in with me, or at least spending 175 nights a year at mine, which would reduce child maintenance by 50%, according to the CMS website.
I have a modest job and stable income, but I don’t have much disposable income. I bought the family home before meeting my ex, and I’ve always paid the mortgage on my own. My ex is currently living rent-free and recently completed higher education, but despite being highly qualified, her age (mid to late 40s) may limit her job prospects. That said, she should be able to find an average-paying job before long.
Ideally, I would like to sell the house and split the proceeds 50/50. She could move to a smaller house, further out of town, but she won’t be able to get a mortgage or has any savings, so I don’t think that’s a realistic outcome. If I didn’t have my mother’s home to move into, I wouldn’t be able to afford CMS, the mortgage on the family home, and rent for myself. Most people wouldn’t be able to manage this. The alternative would be missed mortgage payments and the house being repossessed—a nightmare I’ve managed to avoid thanks to my mother’s support. I really feel for other dads without this safety net.
Does anyone here have advice on what I can do to improve my situation? A friend recently warned me that I’d be lucky to get 50/50, and that my ex likely won’t rush to sell the house until the kids go to university. She’s in a good position right now. If my youngest daughter spends more time with me, perhaps I could go to court and get legal custody. If my ex only has one child in her care, could I argue that she doesn’t need a three-bedroom house? I’m just thinking out loud, trying to figure out if there’s anything I can do to stand up for myself and fight back.
After my arrest, the police took me to the family home, where my ex handed over two bags of clothes. They then dropped me off at my mother’s house, where I have been living ever since.
My ex made allegations of domestic abuse, but her applications for both a non-molestation order and an occupation order were dismissed by the judge in the Final Order.
I bought my house in 2003, met my ex in 2007, and we moved in together in 2009. We had two children, but after she had an affair, our marriage started to break down. In 2023, we agreed to separate, but she escalated the situation by making the rape allegation, effectively “kicking me out.”
The mortgage is in my name only, although she has registered matrimonial rights on the property. I still pay the mortgage, buildings and contents insurance, and child maintenance (CMS). I’ve managed to extend the mortgage term from 3 years remaining to a new 23-year term, which has reduced the monthly payments significantly—something my ex is not yet aware of but will be when we complete our financial disclosure.
My ex recently finished her studies as a mature student, completing both a degree and a postgraduate course. She’s working part-time and has stated in a recent FDR application that she’s “looking for permanent work” and can’t afford to move out or contribute to the mortgage. She wants me to continue covering the payments until she can afford to do so. Her priority, as she claims, is ensuring a home for herself and the children.
We don’t communicate directly. The court suggested using a communication app, but I deleted it after a few days because I felt she was becoming passive-aggressive. Now, we communicate through our children. While not ideal, it works considering everything she put me through.
In terms of shared care: My eldest sees me about once a week, including holidays, so I don’t expect any reduction in child maintenance. However, my youngest stays overnight every weekend and sometimes up to three nights a week. Recently, we’ve been discussing the possibility of her moving in with me, or at least spending 175 nights a year at mine, which would reduce child maintenance by 50%, according to the CMS website.
I have a modest job and stable income, but I don’t have much disposable income. I bought the family home before meeting my ex, and I’ve always paid the mortgage on my own. My ex is currently living rent-free and recently completed higher education, but despite being highly qualified, her age (mid to late 40s) may limit her job prospects. That said, she should be able to find an average-paying job before long.
Ideally, I would like to sell the house and split the proceeds 50/50. She could move to a smaller house, further out of town, but she won’t be able to get a mortgage or has any savings, so I don’t think that’s a realistic outcome. If I didn’t have my mother’s home to move into, I wouldn’t be able to afford CMS, the mortgage on the family home, and rent for myself. Most people wouldn’t be able to manage this. The alternative would be missed mortgage payments and the house being repossessed—a nightmare I’ve managed to avoid thanks to my mother’s support. I really feel for other dads without this safety net.
Does anyone here have advice on what I can do to improve my situation? A friend recently warned me that I’d be lucky to get 50/50, and that my ex likely won’t rush to sell the house until the kids go to university. She’s in a good position right now. If my youngest daughter spends more time with me, perhaps I could go to court and get legal custody. If my ex only has one child in her care, could I argue that she doesn’t need a three-bedroom house? I’m just thinking out loud, trying to figure out if there’s anything I can do to stand up for myself and fight back.
I suppose I was thinking more about avoiding alienation of the children but then he shouldn't allow himself to be held to ransom either.