interim arrangements and an unexpected development

[Ash]

If your ex carries on like this, she has a high chance of losing "residency". And you would have a good chance of having your son live with you. What might prevent that is if, as you say, you're moving further away. Is that definitely on the cards?

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

That was a very smart response to the Cafcass officer. Ask them a question rather than desperately try to explain or get defensive.

The school thing sounds awful. How do you know she had spread these lies about you to the school? Did she tell you? Or did the school say she had accused you of those things? It could be helpful to be able to prove she said those things. It sounds like your ex is trying to pre-empt preventing any unsupervised time by doing that. Although the school have banned you, could you politely and briefly email them along the lines of - you understand why the school have decided to take this action based on information from the Mother of the children, but you need to inform them that there are currently court matters going on and there are no findings against you, but concerns for the child's wellbeing in view of the Mother's hostility and you would be grateful if, in the meantime, they would let you know if they had any concerns about your child as he must be under a lot of stress, being in the middle of this.

Just to keep them in the picture and politely let them know it's all lies, and yet still be child focused. Your ex is playing the "parent with care" card, and unfortunately some ex's do this, and if they are the parent with care some schools will do what the Mother tells them - when there are no clear orders otherwise.

how do I know about the school? One day in September last year , my son came to knock on my door as his mother parks outside my house, and was dropping off some milk for me. It was only the second day of school as he previously been in nursery school. He wanted me to pick him up and hugged me tight and asked me to come with him to school. So I came out and locked the door. his mother said I could not come to the school. as it was one parent only, but there were loads of couples taking their children to school. Then I noticed he was till wearing a nappy. His mother flew into a rage, shouting and screaming at me, as I took off the nappy ( not allowed at school and he doesnt need them) and carried him to the school , with her shouting at me. I then saw son into the classroom and his mother ran off to the office. On the way home, some parents stopped me and asked me if I was alright. They then explained that the ex had told everyone in the playground that I was a rapist, child molester and wife beater and was bailed to not go near the school, which they now know is clearly not true. I called the school the following day and the deputy head told me that the ex had asked that I not be allowed in the school and that she had made allegations so serious that they had taken advice from the police. So that's how I know.

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

If your ex carries on like this, she has a high chance of losing "residency". And you would have a good chance of having your son live with you. What might prevent that is if, as you say, you're moving further away. Is that definitely on the cards?

I'm moving home to Wales, it's been in planning for years and I will be moving in a matter of weeks, just waiting for the conveyancing to complete. I would be very happy to take my son with me, but I don't think it would be in his best interest, as it would be a huge and sudden change for him. I'm thinking of my child not of me. My ex can throw all the allegations she likes, I'm confident that she will be seen as the dishonest, horrible person she is. Unfortunately, CAFCASS don't want a fact finding hearing, but then, I imagine that's why the "not determinative" bit is probably a good thing. I've also got loads of evidence regarding the school event, the texts, the deputy head, the parents who told me etc.