Its just all so unbearable. I'm trying but it often just feels like too much. I miss the children soooo much its hurts, i well up with tears constantly when I think out them. I miss my family life and even after all thats happened my ex. The biggest chunk of me is just gone and I cant see how to look to the future or how to rebuild and move forward. There's always something 24/7 messing with my head. I even have dreams/nightmares every fuckin night about some aspect of whats going on. There's just no let up. My brain just jumps from one shit thing to the next. The ex, the court crap, my new bleak future, my bad decisions. I question myself on everything I have to think about. At this point in time I hate life, the only thing that keeps me going is my awesome little dudes. Everything else is just like quick sand and its a fight not to sink. Talking therapy is ok but not the magic bullet I had hoped and the medication I'm on seems ineffective (but I dont know what I'd be like not on it) but I cant go back to the docs as I don't want it on my records right now for obvious reasons. Its like being in a trap with nowhere to go or any idea of which way to turn. I put on the good old dad act when I speak to them both but being removed from their lives is destroying me and even when I do get back in their lives properly it wont be like it was and that just turns my stomach. I can talk to certain people about it but they just don't know or understand what its like to be in it, the daily heartache, the daily regrets, the daily grind, the daily torment. This is just horrific
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I need to vent
- Thread starter Oneofmany
- Start date
I don’t really have any pearls of wisdom for you buddy, but all I can say is I feel your pain. I could have written your post myself.
I have nightmares regularly too. Mainly around the ex, or her god awful mother manipulating things. That, or being put in a cage in the back of a police van when I’m claustrophobic.
Getting out doing exercise is helping me, as is working on my case, getting evidence together etc. I’ve also been writing a journal and putting in pictures of me with my kid and writing about the fun stuff we did together and what I’m doing to try and stay in their life. I write bits like what we did at contact centre sessions with pictures and what I hope to go with them when they get older. I’m not sure I’ll ever show them, but it’s kind of cathartic writing it.
Keep posting buddy. You can always PM me
I have nightmares regularly too. Mainly around the ex, or her god awful mother manipulating things. That, or being put in a cage in the back of a police van when I’m claustrophobic.
Getting out doing exercise is helping me, as is working on my case, getting evidence together etc. I’ve also been writing a journal and putting in pictures of me with my kid and writing about the fun stuff we did together and what I’m doing to try and stay in their life. I write bits like what we did at contact centre sessions with pictures and what I hope to go with them when they get older. I’m not sure I’ll ever show them, but it’s kind of cathartic writing it.
Keep posting buddy. You can always PM me
Just wish I could tell them but dont want to put that on them...... I dont know what the ex has said and I dont want to ask as again dont want to put them in that position
Hi Oneofmany,
I have been in your situation and have cried myself to sleep. I couldn't work out what was going on and ended up collapsing at work and even got to the stage of phoning the Samaritans. It breaks me even thinking about all that. You may wonder why I'm telling you all this, but there is a reason.
It will get absolutely sh1t, you will hit rock bottom, but the one thing that will keep you going is your kids.
They know you love them, and the main thing you have to prioritize is being there for them.
I spent too long wishing for my family to get back together and that surely there must be something that can be done to go back to how it was. I think many of us fall into this boat and I'l admit it took me a long time to accept that this ship had sailed and it wasnt coming back.
It's hard enough realising your life has changed and facing all sorts from your ex, but the main thing you can do is focus on your children.
There are sadly people destined to ruin your life just so that they can get what they want. The person you thought loved you has long gone.
It is a very difficult time to process and for some it will take a lot longer, but one thing for sure is make it all about your children. They need their dad and one day they will see that you have always been there for them.
I have been in your situation and have cried myself to sleep. I couldn't work out what was going on and ended up collapsing at work and even got to the stage of phoning the Samaritans. It breaks me even thinking about all that. You may wonder why I'm telling you all this, but there is a reason.
It will get absolutely sh1t, you will hit rock bottom, but the one thing that will keep you going is your kids.
They know you love them, and the main thing you have to prioritize is being there for them.
I spent too long wishing for my family to get back together and that surely there must be something that can be done to go back to how it was. I think many of us fall into this boat and I'l admit it took me a long time to accept that this ship had sailed and it wasnt coming back.
It's hard enough realising your life has changed and facing all sorts from your ex, but the main thing you can do is focus on your children.
There are sadly people destined to ruin your life just so that they can get what they want. The person you thought loved you has long gone.
It is a very difficult time to process and for some it will take a lot longer, but one thing for sure is make it all about your children. They need their dad and one day they will see that you have always been there for them.
Good evening mate
Reading these posts break my heart.
You have to stay strong. Dig deeper than you ever have and you'll find determination and love you never knew you had. Your children deserve this.
Is there anything you could focus on? What interests do your children have?
My son, for example, really got into Minecraft and Star Wars so I downloaded it and spent hours and hours learning to play and built a millennium falcon Minecraft. My son couldn't believe it. We still speak about it and I've just ordered the Lego falcon for us, it's going to be an emotional time building it but that's something that's ours and something his mum will never take from us.
Seek out those opportunities mate, I believe they will last a lifetime.
Reading these posts break my heart.
You have to stay strong. Dig deeper than you ever have and you'll find determination and love you never knew you had. Your children deserve this.
Is there anything you could focus on? What interests do your children have?
My son, for example, really got into Minecraft and Star Wars so I downloaded it and spent hours and hours learning to play and built a millennium falcon Minecraft. My son couldn't believe it. We still speak about it and I've just ordered the Lego falcon for us, it's going to be an emotional time building it but that's something that's ours and something his mum will never take from us.
Seek out those opportunities mate, I believe they will last a lifetime.
thanks bud and I do, thats given me an idea.....
Don't know about you all, but when I discovered public auditor channels on YouTube, it actually enthused me, because I got to see police squirm in humiliation for trying underhand tactics with people who trap them on camera, for that very purpose. I used to have a lot of respect for the police, but now I will film every single interaction I have with them. The revulsion I feel towards those who barged in to my house and dragged me out like I was some high profile fugitive, is the kind of stuff which doesn't let me cry. I feel too angry to get low point sad. Anyone have a similar experience?