I just need advice

[Resolute]

Thanks dpatz.

Here are some of the questions I'm not sure you have answered:

Is there a reason he doesn't want to be involved?

Have you asked?

Do you still want him involved?

Are you ok with him not seeing his daughter?

Please bear in mind, you are writing to a group of men (and some women) who are jaded. Most of us are dealing with an ex who pays lip service to a child centred approach while doing everything possible to destroy the father's role. A good number of us have watched from afar as our kids are abused in the process.

I am not tarring you with that brush, not for a moment. Just letting you know there may be some preconceptions here that you would not be confronted by on Mumsnet. Tbh, I kinda hoped that was why you chose to come here for some input.

&

 

[dpatz]

Thanks dpatz.

Here are some of the questions I'm not sure you have answered:

Is there a reason he doesn't want to be involved?

Have you asked?

Do you still want him involved?

Are you ok with him not seeing his daughter?

Please bear in mind, you are writing to a group of men (and some women) who are jaded. Most of us are dealing with an ex who pays lip service to a child centred approach while doing everything possible to destroy the father's role. A good number of us have watched from afar as our kids are abused in the process.

I am not tarring you with that brush, not for a moment. Just letting you know there may be some preconceptions here that you would not be confronted by on Mumsnet. Tbh, I kinda hoped that was why you chose to come here for some input.

&

Hi,

No he never gave me a reason. Actually he indicated he did want to be involved but would go months without contact after she was born, I was patient and he eventually met her when she was around 10 months old. Then back to very minimal contact with long gaps, he then out of the blue blocked me on whatsapp, phone and Facebook. And no contact since but I know he moved out of the area to move in with his now wife.
As I have said I would love for them to have a relationship, but given the length of time that has passed and no contact I can only assume it won't happen now. Would it be easier for me if they didn't have contact? Yes. Is that what I want? No.
I want people to challenge me, so I can also look at myself and see if there is a way I could have done better or how to approach things now.
While I don't agree with him just cutting contact, I actually don't hold a grudge against him for it - with such an unexpected pregnancy it must have been a shock to him. (And me to be honest!)
I expected a lot more negativity on here than I have had so far

 

[dpatz]

I'm a little confused there. Whose wife? Obviously not your 6 year old's wife Are you a Mother or a Father to the child?

Apologies I should have worded things a lot better! Sorry for the confusion

 

[dpatz]

You’re within yore rights to apply for CMS for your daughter. None of us know what someone else’s finances are. He may just have a wealthy wife and that would be her money rather than his - people are allowed to have separate finances.

Are you ok with him not seeing his daughter? Maybe life is easier than having a schedule of her coming and going. I think it takes some thinking about because if he has to pay CMS he might decide he wants to see his daughter if he’s having to pay.

I agree with you though -he should be involved with his daughter and be there for her.

I think some Dads want to start fresh and not want the hassle - depending on the circumstances. Some are afraid of court cases and bankruptcy if they get emotionally involved.

So he owns a business and his wife is employed there so I don't think she is overly wealthy but you are right that could be the case, I hadn't thought about that, thanks for suggesting

 

[Unknown01]

So is this a mother asking advice?
If so why are you asking on a site for dad's?
It's not that woman again is it? Lol

Probably because if she went to ask for advice on Mumsnet she would receive a barrage of shrill nonsense?

 

[Unknown01]

Hi,

No he never gave me a reason. Actually he indicated he did want to be involved but would go months without contact after she was born, I was patient and he eventually met her when she was around 10 months old. Then back to very minimal contact with long gaps, he then out of the blue blocked me on whatsapp, phone and Facebook. And no contact since but I know he moved out of the area to move in with his now wife.
As I have said I would love for them to have a relationship, but given the length of time that has passed and no contact I can only assume it won't happen now. Would it be easier for me if they didn't have contact? Yes. Is that what I want? No.
I want people to challenge me, so I can also look at myself and see if there is a way I could have done better or how to approach things now.
While I don't agree with him just cutting contact, I actually don't hold a grudge against him for it - with such an unexpected pregnancy it must have been a shock to him. (And me to be honest!)
I expected a lot more negativity on here than I have had so far

Unfortunately if he owns his own business and his wife is receiving a salary from that business, you are likely to have a hard time getting much maintenance out of him. In theory CMS can go and investigate the business and determine how much he should be paying based on the profits but in practice they are unlikely to be this thorough.