How screwed am I?

[Oneofmany]

So just finishing up prep on my Form E and I gotta be honest its not looking good. I'm still in the FMH with about £150K in Equity. About £120K in a pension pot, £35K in a savings account (got from a redundancy payment 12 months post split, solicitor thinks this may count towards my capital needs but it dwindling fast)
and about 33K in debt (about 20k built up during marriage). Spent approx 90K on home improvements and other things that can be classed as matrimonial debt.

She has fuck all. Given she will need a 3 bed house circa £300K then I think I'm screwed. I get that the children need a good place to live but I feel like I;m going to end up with nearly nothing. As it stands looking at 80/20 spends time with order.

Am I totally screwed? What can I do to try and salvage something to start over with?

 

[Ash]

Hang in there. Things always seem worse at night. Are you doing it yourself or using a solicitor? I don't know how old your kids are, but surely she'd be expected to retrain and earn a living? So leaving aside the redundancy payment (hopefully they'll let you keep that - or at least half of it), you have 150k equity less 20k marriage debt so assume the debt comes off the equity leaving 130k - if she got 70/30 that would be 91k. You'd either need to remortgage or sell the house and use your remaining equity as a deposit for a cheaper one.

Or are you both still in the FMH? Pension sharing would be later in life. I'm no expert on divorces finances by the way!

 

[Nujra Rof]

So just finishing up prep on my Form E and I gotta be honest its not looking good. I'm still in the FMH with about £150K in Equity. About £120K in a pension pot, £35K in a savings account (got from a redundancy payment 12 months post split, solicitor thinks this may count towards my capital needs but it dwindling fast)
and about 33K in debt (about 20k built up during marriage). Spent approx 90K on home improvements and other things that can be classed as matrimonial debt.

She has fuck all. Given she will need a 3 bed house circa £300K then I think I'm screwed. I get that the children need a good place to live but I feel like I;m going to end up with nearly nothing. As it stands looking at 80/20 spends time with order.

Am I totally screwed? What can I do to try and salvage something to start over with?

If she needs a 3 bed house, would you not also need a 3 bed house?

Have you sorted out child sharing arrangements - is it 50/50, is it 60/40, is it 70/30 etc. as my understanding in this process is this normally dictates finances as well.

I’m in the exact same situation as yourself and we are sorting out childcare first - she is battling for 70-30 in her favour whereas I want 50-50, so there isn’t huge point in sorting out finances till we sort this out I guess. For me the children are the priority is well, I’d actually give more to keep the children longer myself.

Also when does the 20 week period end for you? As you can only submit a financial court order after the 20 weeks and confirming yes you are still proceeding I believe.

 

[Busydad1985]

Has your stbx worked throughout the marriage? How long was the marriage in total (including the relationship beforehand)? What split of time with the kids do you have in place? Can you prove the contributions you made to the household (mortgage, bills etc) with your bank statements?

These are the questions my Solicitor and financial adviser have asked - as these are the things the court will consider.

Im in a similar situation here - still in the marital home, I pay for all mortgage & bills, food etc, I am a higher rate taxpayer earning north of six figures, shes a teacher on about 40k a year. She has no savings, and has never been financially responsible having come from a poorer family with no interest in learning about money and how to manage it. £185k in equity in the house, about £20k in my savings, £180k in my pension and about £17k in invested stock.

There is no debt on my side apart from the mortgage, no idea about her debt (got to be careful with that, as if its considered marital debt, you will be liable to pay that back too, potentially). Child arrangements will have an impact on the financial needs so it is tied as @Nujra Rof says.

If you can show through bank statements you have paid for everything, that gets factored in.

Inheritance received and anything you had prior to marriage can be ring-fenced and excluded, and any unvested stocks or bonds you may hold are excluded as you dont technically "own" them until they mature or vest.

In my situation, theres not enough to practically create two 3 bedroom homes out of that pot, and the ex's income wont even allow her to get a mortgage, even with all the equity, on her own as house prices where we live are around £500k for s small 3 bed craphole. She wont move out of the area because of the kids schools, and she will want to stay close to her family.

So that leaves the only real options being to both private rent, putting us on equal footing and giving us time to figure out what we do next. She could look at shared ownership using the equity and her lower income. So the expectation ive had from my solicitor is that she may well get 60-70% of everything, as she will be seen as the party in need of it moreso than I.

Ive been told the courts tend to lean more towards a 50/50 split of assets when both have been working full time throughout the marriage and when its a longer marriage - I hope this is true but im still unsure.

TLR - Im not an expert, but this is advice I have recieved as I work through this god awful, broken system. Hang in there brother, its only money and your own peace & happiness is worth more than anything else!

 

[Nujra Rof]

Has your stbx worked throughout the marriage? How long was the marriage in total (including the relationship beforehand)? What split of time with the kids do you have in place? Can you prove the contributions you made to the household (mortgage, bills etc) with your bank statements?

These are the questions my Solicitor and financial adviser have asked - as these are the things the court will consider.

Im in a similar situation here - still in the marital home, I pay for all mortgage & bills, food etc, I am a higher rate taxpayer earning north of six figures, shes a teacher on about 40k a year. She has no savings, and has never been financially responsible having come from a poorer family with no interest in learning about money and how to manage it. £185k in equity in the house, about £20k in my savings, £180k in my pension and about £17k in invested stock.

There is no debt on my side apart from the mortgage, no idea about her debt (got to be careful with that, as if its considered marital debt, you will be liable to pay that back too, potentially). Child arrangements will have an impact on the financial needs so it is tied as @Nujra Rof says.

If you can show through bank statements you have paid for everything, that gets factored in.

Inheritance received and anything you had prior to marriage can be ring-fenced and excluded, and any unvested stocks or bonds you may hold are excluded as you dont technically "own" them until they mature or vest.

In my situation, theres not enough to practically create two 3 bedroom homes out of that pot, and the ex's income wont even allow her to get a mortgage, even with all the equity, on her own as house prices where we live are around £500k for s small 3 bed craphole. She wont move out of the area because of the kids schools, and she will want to stay close to her family.

So that leaves the only real options being to both private rent, putting us on equal footing and giving us time to figure out what we do next. She could look at shared ownership using the equity and her lower income. So the expectation ive had from my solicitor is that she may well get 60-70% of everything, as she will be seen as the party in need of it moreso than I.

Ive been told the courts tend to lean more towards a 50/50 split of assets when both have been working full time throughout the marriage and when its a longer marriage - I hope this is true but im still unsure.

TLR - Im not an expert, but this is advice I have recieved as I work through this god awful, broken system. Hang in there brother, its only money and your own peace & happiness is worth more than anything else!

Really good information - how far into the process are you now busy dad?

I have my CAO hearing booked in for end of the month, will look at finances after - have you managed to sort that bit out.

It really is a god awful process and the earliest I can be out of it personally, keeping in mind the 20 week waiting period, then reconfirming the go ahead and this being accepted, then being able to submit a finance consent order (on the optimistic basis this is all agreed by then) is likely June/July.

I however, do feel she will drag out the finances for sure and milk every cent! I'd happily agree to give her 60%-70% of everything to just get out of this god awful process and be done with it, but I know what she is like, I will give what she wants exactly and she will accept it, week later will say she wants more - ultimately a judge signs it off even if voluntary but not sure if they look at the split and consider it to be fair, as I'd actually worry she will push too much and I'll just agree and judge will refuse it and she will drag it out...

 

[Oneofmany]

@Busydad1985 can I pm you ?

 

[Busydad1985]

@Busydad1985 can I pm you ?

Sure thing - I’m no expert but I do have a good solicitor and financial advisor in place.

Ultimately I’ve paused my own process due to the complete breakdown in communication about any practical arrangements with my ex - I am getting nowhere close to agreeing 50:50 shared care of the kids. Financial discussions she is refusing to engage on until that’s squared away, because it’s all about maintenance money.

 

[Nujra Rof]

Sure thing - I’m no expert but I do have a good solicitor and financial advisor in place.

Ultimately I’ve paused my own process due to the complete breakdown in communication about any practical arrangements with my ex - I am getting nowhere close to agreeing 50:50 shared care of the kids. Financial discussions she is refusing to engage on until that’s squared away, because it’s all about maintenance money.

Sounds familiar! Just had the worse mediation session - she won’t budge from 70/30 in her favour and when the mediator said it’s best to sort it out here than go court as it can take 12-18 months to get a final hearing so you’ll waste time and money - she was so happy! Continues to live for free here during that time period

 

[Unknown01]

Unfortunately there is not much you can do to get a fair asset split although I can tell you her side will be very worried about going to court. Why? Because when you're due to get 70% of the assets then you have a lot more to lose from the joint legal fees than the person getting 30%. So definitely start on 50/50, aim for 60/40 with the threat of court if they don't play nice.

What's more important though is not getting bogged down with a dependent ex. You need to make absolutely sure she is put on the path to financial independence. Don't get stuck with maintenance or mesher orders because these will prevent you moving on and becoming financially free. If you can become financially free, you will be amazed at how quickly you can recover your position. Women tend to spend money on all kinds of shit you won't need.

 

[Ash]

I think this mediation was over Child Arrangements - is that right Nujra? Also I don't think it will take 12 to 18 months for Child Arrangements to be completed. In your situation, maybe 9 months. Some of that depends on the region.

 

[Nujra Rof]

I think this mediation was over Child Arrangements - is that right Nujra? Also I don't think it will take 12 to 18 months for Child Arrangements to be completed. In your situation, maybe 9 months. Some of that depends on the region.

Yes mine was child arrangements.


9 months would be liveable - well compared to what mediator said about 12-18 months :/

 

[Nujra Rof]

She’s now saying to me divorce will take a while so I’m thinking and going to go live with my parents so if I have the kids sun to weds and you weds eve to sun morn.

I said let me think about it as basically I have few work outings on odd thurs and Fri in month and she accused me of seeing someone else for not agreeing, in front of the kids! I just told her to stop talking as you’ve just gone and thrown days at me so I’ll think about it and come back to you

Reply

 

[Busydad1985]

I’ve also been accused of seeing someone else - total distraction play on her part IMO. Or a manipulation tactic. There isn’t and never has been anyone else - amazes me how these types of women fail so drastically to take a look at the bigger picture and ask themselves what their part in this is, just no accountability!

@Nujra Rof to clarify, is she suggesting she moves out with the kids to her parents? Or you move out?

If she moves out, I’d be careful she doesn’t pull the old “you can’t see the kids because …. (Insert false allegation)..” card

 

[Busydad1985]

Could you get an interim agreement to this affect in writing and you both sign it? Not sure it’s legally worth anything but at least you could argue you both signed an agreement on it (or an MOU via the mediator?)

 

[Nujra Rof]

So she’s saying she will move out and go to her parents house to live, and we split the days.

Hearing is in two weeks literally - shall I just say we can get an interim order when there and then you can leave!

Yes very desperate to suggest I’m seeing someone else…

 

[Busydad1985]

@Busydad1985 can I pm you ?

Hows it going @Oneofmany ? Any updates?

 

[Oneofmany]

Hows it going @Oneofmany ? Any updates?

Hi mate, no. tbh am fed up of thinking about it and getting more and more depressed about it

 

[Busydad1985]

Hi mate, no. tbh am fed up of thinking about it and getting more and more depressed about it

Hang in there mate - I’ve been where you are and I’m still going through my divorce with loads of more to come before it’s over.

DM me if you want to talk