Horrific Judicial Decision

[keeponkeepingon]

Hi,

This is my first time on here. I am reaching out for any help and advice as I have just been on the receiving end of a fairly brutal judicial decision in my family court proceedings.
Brief Background. I am a recovered functioning alcoholic I have been sober for 18 months. My ex partner was a functioning alcohol and a casual cocaine user from before we met and throughout our 3.5 year relationship.
We have our own children who we co-parent 50/50 respectively. My ex fell pregnant March 2023 and our daughter was born Nov 2023. Our relationship had ups and downs but we loved each other. The relationship deteriorated as a result of her relentless drinking which directly affected the care of our baby and negatively impacted every aspect of our lives. When the relationship reached terminal failure in Sept 2024 I exercised my parental rights to retain my daughter and she has been in my full time care since. My ex raised an emergency C1A application on the basis of multiple points of abuse which were all false. At the subsequent emergency hearing the judge ordered she done hair testing and that safeguarding by cafcass be conducted. My daughter remained with me in the interim and my ex had 3 supported visits a week 2 with family and 1 at a contact centre. We both spoke to Cafcass and they produced a very favourable (to me) letter of recommendation to the court and highlighted no ongoing safeguarding concerns for myself and outlined several recommendations for my ex, namely nail testing, peth testing etc and to provide GP letter regarding mental health as well as engaging with a drink and drug rehabilitation programme. Within the letter it stated that my ex had admitting to drinking a bottle of wine a night (it was always more) and cocaine use but not around my daughter (a lie) The alcohol admission would easily constitute heavy usage. We could see that even before the emergency hearing she was already clearly bleaching her hair pre-empting the inevitable hair test. This first test came back negative for alcohol which is insane but positive for cocaine, each of the six months it covered.
One week before the hearing she had me arrested on false allegations of 6 instances of serious sexual assault and coercive controlling behaviour all of which are total fabrications without evidence, She has shoe-horned these into evenings when I had exhibited some poor drunken behaviour which at times was embarrassing but nothing remotely reflecting these allegations she has taken nearly 4 years to even mention let alone go to the police with. The duty solicitor in attendance said it was a 'classic' case and that she would bet her lovely house it went No Further Action but the allegations and the arrest stand and I am currently on bail. Needless to say this in it's own right is a horrific position to be in. Whilst I know I haven't done anything its still now looming over me until it hopefully gets dropped by the police. I understand that could take a fairly long time.
The first hearing took a long time to be scheduled and finally materialised this Wednesday. The opposition solicitor threw shade onto the Cafcass report for a couple of typos / name errors and mainly because they hadn't directly referenced the toxicology report but had mentioned the positive results and that there was a question mark over the validity of the results due to hair bleaching.
Prior to the first hearing my ex took it upon herself to obtain a second hair test (Cafcass had said they recommended nail) and at the last minute this was put into the court bundle. It had not been requested by the court. At the hearing my barrister stated that we agreed with the findings of the Cafcass report, this was our only input at this stage and my only reason for removing my daughter had been my ex partners drink and drug use which as mentioned had been a problem the entirety of my baby daughters life.
The judge decided to totally ignore the Cafcass letter. She allowed my ex to submit the second hair test results and said that as neither showed evidence of heavy alcohol use clearly the baby should be returned to the mother. She went on to state that we would also need a full fact finding hearing into my ex partners allegations about me and went further to impose that I would only be allowed fully supervised visits with my daughter until at least that hearing.
This was absolutely devastating for myself and my two older children who absolutely adore the baby. I had looked after her solely for 5 months and just had her ripped from me because of lies. The Judge did not conduct a welfare checklist and totally disregarded professional safeguarding. At this point the only opportunity I had to outline the reasons I had retained my daughter was to Cafcass. I had not been able to provide any of the extensive evidence of my ex's alcohol and drug problem and how that would have reflected on my daughters safety and wellbeing had I not been a consistent, sober, reliable and safe parent throughout her little life.
Since the separation I have in essence had to close my business to look after my daughter. I have spent the last 5 months trying to get our life back on track. When I met my ex I owned a flat and had a modest amount of money in the bank but I was solvent and could earn reasonable money. Now I have nothing and am in debt up to my eyeballs. I have been fighting on another front for housing to allocate me an extra bedroom so I can continue to accommodate my older children 50/50 as I have done since I divorced their mother 5 years ago. I have this on 3rd appeal with Local Government Ombudsman but that won't be heard until I have to move out of the short (6 month) private rental I had to take when I was evicted from our family home which was HA in my ex partners name. The council previously accepted them on that application but now I've applied say they made a mistake. All of the effort I have made on this is now a waste of time and now, come the middle of March I will be homeless. I spent the last of my money renovating the house my ex now lives in. I am in a truly desperate situation. This Judges BOLD (as my barrister put it) decision, has gone a very long way to ruining my life.

I have emailed Cafcass very recently but don't expect a reply. I really am in a desperate situation and am distraught that they could do what they have done purely based on lies. My ex has got my daughter and ruined my life on lies. I know life isn't fair but this is to the nth degree. How the judge can take such a decision with me having not been given the opportunity to even speak is absolutely mind boggling and ultimately highlights that the Modus Operandi here is certainly not the welfare of a child. It cannot be or the system would be different.

Like I said this is the first time on here. I don't know how things work but if anyone who has read this can offer any help and advice as to how I navigate this situation then I would be very grateful.

Thank you for reading

 

[childfirst]

Congratulations on 18 months of sobriety. One day at a time.

 

[mainstay92]

Hi,

This is my first time on here. I am reaching out for any help and advice as I have just been on the receiving end of a fairly brutal judicial decision in my family court proceedings.
Brief Background. I am a recovered functioning alcoholic I have been sober for 18 months. My ex partner was a functioning alcohol and a casual cocaine user from before we met and throughout our 3.5 year relationship.
We have our own children who we co-parent 50/50 respectively. My ex fell pregnant March 2023 and our daughter was born Nov 2023. Our relationship had ups and downs but we loved each other. The relationship deteriorated as a result of her relentless drinking which directly affected the care of our baby and negatively impacted every aspect of our lives. When the relationship reached terminal failure in Sept 2024 I exercised my parental rights to retain my daughter and she has been in my full time care since. My ex raised an emergency C1A application on the basis of multiple points of abuse which were all false. At the subsequent emergency hearing the judge ordered she done hair testing and that safeguarding by cafcass be conducted. My daughter remained with me in the interim and my ex had 3 supported visits a week 2 with family and 1 at a contact centre. We both spoke to Cafcass and they produced a very favourable (to me) letter of recommendation to the court and highlighted no ongoing safeguarding concerns for myself and outlined several recommendations for my ex, namely nail testing, peth testing etc and to provide GP letter regarding mental health as well as engaging with a drink and drug rehabilitation programme. Within the letter it stated that my ex had admitting to drinking a bottle of wine a night (it was always more) and cocaine use but not around my daughter (a lie) The alcohol admission would easily constitute heavy usage. We could see that even before the emergency hearing she was already clearly bleaching her hair pre-empting the inevitable hair test. This first test came back negative for alcohol which is insane but positive for cocaine, each of the six months it covered.
One week before the hearing she had me arrested on false allegations of 6 instances of serious sexual assault and coercive controlling behaviour all of which are total fabrications without evidence, She has shoe-horned these into evenings when I had exhibited some poor drunken behaviour which at times was embarrassing but nothing remotely reflecting these allegations she has taken nearly 4 years to even mention let alone go to the police with. The duty solicitor in attendance said it was a 'classic' case and that she would bet her lovely house it went No Further Action but the allegations and the arrest stand and I am currently on bail. Needless to say this in it's own right is a horrific position to be in. Whilst I know I haven't done anything its still now looming over me until it hopefully gets dropped by the police. I understand that could take a fairly long time.
The first hearing took a long time to be scheduled and finally materialised this Wednesday. The opposition solicitor threw shade onto the Cafcass report for a couple of typos / name errors and mainly because they hadn't directly referenced the toxicology report but had mentioned the positive results and that there was a question mark over the validity of the results due to hair bleaching.
Prior to the first hearing my ex took it upon herself to obtain a second hair test (Cafcass had said they recommended nail) and at the last minute this was put into the court bundle. It had not been requested by the court. At the hearing my barrister stated that we agreed with the findings of the Cafcass report, this was our only input at this stage and my only reason for removing my daughter had been my ex partners drink and drug use which as mentioned had been a problem the entirety of my baby daughters life.
The judge decided to totally ignore the Cafcass letter. She allowed my ex to submit the second hair test results and said that as neither showed evidence of heavy alcohol use clearly the baby should be returned to the mother. She went on to state that we would also need a full fact finding hearing into my ex partners allegations about me and went further to impose that I would only be allowed fully supervised visits with my daughter until at least that hearing.
This was absolutely devastating for myself and my two older children who absolutely adore the baby. I had looked after her solely for 5 months and just had her ripped from me because of lies. The Judge did not conduct a welfare checklist and totally disregarded professional safeguarding. At this point the only opportunity I had to outline the reasons I had retained my daughter was to Cafcass. I had not been able to provide any of the extensive evidence of my ex's alcohol and drug problem and how that would have reflected on my daughters safety and wellbeing had I not been a consistent, sober, reliable and safe parent throughout her little life.
Since the separation I have in essence had to close my business to look after my daughter. I have spent the last 5 months trying to get our life back on track. When I met my ex I owned a flat and had a modest amount of money in the bank but I was solvent and could earn reasonable money. Now I have nothing and am in debt up to my eyeballs. I have been fighting on another front for housing to allocate me an extra bedroom so I can continue to accommodate my older children 50/50 as I have done since I divorced their mother 5 years ago. I have this on 3rd appeal with Local Government Ombudsman but that won't be heard until I have to move out of the short (6 month) private rental I had to take when I was evicted from our family home which was HA in my ex partners name. The council previously accepted them on that application but now I've applied say they made a mistake. All of the effort I have made on this is now a waste of time and now, come the middle of March I will be homeless. I spent the last of my money renovating the house my ex now lives in. I am in a truly desperate situation. This Judges BOLD (as my barrister put it) decision, has gone a very long way to ruining my life.

I have emailed Cafcass very recently but don't expect a reply. I really am in a desperate situation and am distraught that they could do what they have done purely based on lies. My ex has got my daughter and ruined my life on lies. I know life isn't fair but this is to the nth degree. How the judge can take such a decision with me having not been given the opportunity to even speak is absolutely mind boggling and ultimately highlights that the Modus Operandi here is certainly not the welfare of a child. It cannot be or the system would be different.

Like I said this is the first time on here. I don't know how things work but if anyone who has read this can offer any help and advice as to how I navigate this situation then I would be very grateful.

Thank you for reading

When is your next court date? Don't give up.. lots of men have the same false allegations.. it's very common.. really surprised the Judge just handed over your child to your ex esp after a positive cocaine test. Push for the Fact Find to be soon under the Children's Act that delay will affect your child. Even if this means moving to another court location. Congratulations on not drinking, keep going! It's a process with courts but You will be ok.

 

[keeponkeepingon]

When is your next court date? Don't give up.. lots of men have the same false allegations.. it's very common.. really surprised the Judge just handed over your child to your ex esp after a positive cocaine test. Push for the Fact Find to be soon under the Children's Act that delay will affect your child. Even if this means moving to another court location. Congratulations on not drinking, keep going! It's a process with courts but You will be ok.

Thank you very much I appreciate this! no date as yet but barrister advised it could be September or later. However my ex solicitor hammered the point that they felt the five months between hearings was a totally unacceptable delay for them so we will echo their point and chase as hard as we can.
Many thanks

 

[keeponkeepingon]

Congratulations on 18 months of sobriety. One day at a time.

Thank you. exactly that!

 

[Richie1989]

Hey,

How very odd that the child has been transferred from you 100% to now the mother 100%. How was this ordered and how did it happen? On what grounds was this explained? It’s very extreme that’s for sure!

Obviously the sexual allegations will need to be investigated and sadly you have been caught up in that process with the sounds of it. Like mentioned in prior messages this is normal when such allegations have been thrown around. It’s very bizarre the arrangement has gone from one extreme to the other though! Suppose the details given from your ex must have really made them feel they needed to act quick and go to the extreme.

At the moment the courts are in the middle of a “she did this, he did this” situation and they need to take time and meticulous decisions to ensure the safety of the child. The courts are not there for any other reason than to protect the child. They don’t care about parents well-being upon what they decide during interim while this is all unfolding, just the child’s.

From what you have explained it sounds like it could be a lengthy process. Here a a few things to be mindful off:

1) did cafcass conduct a level 1 and level 2 police check? This can influence directions, interim period and final decisions. Previous convictions obviously can impact outcome.
2) as you are very aware addiction can be managed (absolutely congratulations on your battle with addiction) and if your ex is passing the tests then this is great news for the child and the judge will be positive about this. Remember judges and family court are not there to destroy family they are there in hope to find resolution and directions for the best scenario the child can be in. So if tests are being passed this is what they want to see. If you were to carry on accusing after a test result it just looks like control and manipulation.
3) like any scenario regardless of gender if an allegation is made and the results contradict then it looks bad regardless of that being the mum or dad. Now hair tests are not an exact and can be challenged easily by barristers. If you are adamant she is dodging the accurate results due to tampering with her hair then demand a nail test but be mindful of point 2 because it f she passes it again it could look bad for you.
4) sometimes being caught up in such a situation it becomes the normal to accuse each other over and over and this is very counter productive. What the judge wants to see is as much cooperation as possible between parents for the good of the child. They don’t want to see a war between parents they want to see at least one parent a fighting for resolution for the good of the child. The judge will be inclined to maintain current status quo or a lesser time Arrnagenent of their is conflict as this protects the child from exposure of that toxic behaviour if it was 50/50.
5) as you mentioned your living arrangements seem to be getting more and more compromised due to the scenario that is unfolding. This really isn’t ideal and it will become an influencing element on the case if your ex has a stable home. Living arrangements are vital to this process. Even if you move in with parents it’s better than being homeless and not being able to provide. This could also affect the current arrangement with your other children. So I can’t express enough how much this needs to be addressed and stability being restored moving forward.

It’s very clear there is a lot happening but please do try and trust the process and don’t turn against them. It just makes it an even bigger uphill task. I know there is some things not right and unfair but try and focus on the things that are within your power. Don’t focus on things out of your control, it’s a waste of energy, focus and other things become out of your control like the living arrangements which again is vital for your outcome.

Be mindful that it’s not a game of character assassination! It’s not about featuring the other persons profile it’s about working together the best you can for the well-being of the child. Conflict equals poor outcome!!

I’m hope those things are helpful and offer something to think about. I really hope things unfold positively for all of you and especially the child. Hopefully the allegations against you will be NFA and you can again focus on the child proceedings again. I can’t urge enough though to get on top of living arrangements, financial stability to offer that balanced lifestyle when with you as more reports will be made as it all unfolds.

All the best and again massive congratulations on being sober for 18 months. Keep fighting and yourself well

 

[keeponkeepingon]

Thank you so much for your detailed reply! I very much appreciate you taking the time to do that.
It was ordered by the judge at what was the first hearing (following prior emergency hearing actioned by my ex).
In all honesty no detail other than what I had been arrested on suspicion of was discussed, no questions were asked at all. My ex had listed sexual abuse as one of the things on her C1A which at the time was a shock but what she has alleged to the police is worse. Surely as they must see this all the time, I would have expected at least a query as to why you wouldn't either just go to the police in the first place and get your daughter back immediately or why you hadn't detailed the most serious example of any abuse on your C1A when you are absolutely desperate to get your daughter back.

Hi yes Cafcass did the police checks, mine was still outstanding but I had no previous and my ex had been convicted of GBH reduce to ABH about 10 years ago.
I do appreciate what you are saying regarding testing. I no longer have the same ongoing concern that my ex is drinking and using drugs at the level she once was. However, given the dismissal of the Cafcass report, I now no longer have any tangible assurance she won't put my daughter at risk from such behaviour moving forward. I do have genuine concerns she could easily slip back into old habits now the spotlight is off her so to speak. Without question she manipulated the first result but as you say I have to just accept this for what it is. I think the larger frustration is that I can show how irresponsible she was being very regularly and at a bare minimum this would have to warrant some ongoing safeguarding which now won't be the case.

I am raising an appeal against the judges decision based on her immediate return of my daughter without conducting a welfare checklist. Her order for me to be fully supervised at visits when my ex has told police and Cafcass there are no safeguarding issues with my daughter in my care and the order of the fact finding which both parties had agreed at the most recent hearing would not be required.

I totally appreciate the idea of co-operation etc and putting the child first. It is all I have done throughout the process and I had exhausted every available option to me prior to retaining my daughter. It was my last resort. However that being said, my ex has told vicious lies against me which are, whatever the outcome, life changing. She has taken a win at all costs approach to this and ultimately its me that has paid the price. It's very hard to see any potential for cooperation after that. Despite what has happened to me I have said to my family that irrespective of the Judges decision and the effect on me. If I was put in the same position I was in at the time and even if I knew what was going to happen to me, I would still take the same action because I had to for the ongoing safety of my daughter.
Genuinely at no stage throughout the process have I indulged in mud-slinging or malice but is was important for me to be able to give some account of what we had been through and the opportunity for that has now seemingly passed which is upsetting but again we have to take it as it is.

I very much take on board your advice regarding housing, as mentioned I have taken a major setback in this regard, but I will get this sorted one way or another prior to the next FF hearing.

Thank you again for your advice

 

[Oneofmany]

Good on ya buddy, u should be proud. I'm gutted for you that the system has given you this kicking and it is just that. Its awful we have to take the mud slinging yet they seem to get it all their own way. Just keep on with what your doing buddy

 

[Richie1989]

Sounds like a few things could go in your favour. I know it’s hard and it feels unjust at the moment but try and fight within the system and not against it. I know it’s easier said than done.

Don’t lose your head, try and keep calm. Again easier said than done but I can’t express how vital that is for you. Emotions are high and that’s where a lot can of dads fall foul.

Are you going LIP in all proceedings?
Does your ex have legal aid? Think you mentioned she does…

So contact at the moment is completely zero with your child? Maybe try and get some support from a local charity / victim support unit to help deal with things.

Keep fighting

 

[Ash]

I was going to suggest appealing. Because the welfare of the child is paramount and suddenly taking her from you after 5 months is not in the child's best interests - that is what you can argue. The difficulty is she has raised allegations - but that doesn't mean you aren't a safe parent.

If you appeal I would ask for equal shared care so the child can continue her familiar life and routine with you, while also having alife and routine with the Mother.

It's almost a tick box exercise that if a Mother makes allegations about you, you are guilty until proven innocent.

The fact she has had two clear alcohol tests is what has caused this.

So are you having contact centre time now?

 

[keeponkeepingon]

Good on ya buddy, u should be proud. I'm gutted for you that the system has given you this kicking and it is just that. Its awful we have to take the mud slinging yet they seem to get it all their own way. Just keep on with what your doing buddy

Thank you I appreciate this I will keep on mate! all the best!

 

[keeponkeepingon]

I was going to suggest appealing. Because the welfare of the child is paramount and suddenly taking her from you after 5 months is not in the child's best interests - that is what you can argue. The difficulty is she has raised allegations - but that doesn't mean you aren't a safe parent.

If you appeal I would ask for equal shared care so the child can continue her familiar life and routine with you, while also having alife and routine with the Mother.

It's almost a tick box exercise that if a Mother makes allegations about you, you are guilty until proven innocent.

The fact she has had two clear alcohol tests is what has caused this.

So are you having contact centre time now?

Thank you! yes exactly that, I genuinely feel the Judges actions were extremely excessive and she really gave little or no focus to my daughters well being in the process. It wasn't mentioned at all which seems pretty insane in the circumstance!
Yes I have 3 supervised contact centre visits per week which I am desperate to schedule the first of but I can't agree to the mothers terms she has sent via the CC until I have the court order as I think I am entitled to longer times etc and need to clarify any restrictions on family etc which were not imposed on the mother when roles were reversed. I'm hoping to receive this today.
Thank you again for taking the time to message I genuinely appreciate it!

 

[keeponkeepingon]

Sounds like a few things could go in your favour. I know it’s hard and it feels unjust at the moment but try and fight within the system and not against it. I know it’s easier said than done.

Don’t lose your head, try and keep calm. Again easier said than done but I can’t express how vital that is for you. Emotions are high and that’s where a lot can of dads fall foul.

Are you going LIP in all proceedings?
Does your ex have legal aid? Think you mentioned she does…

So contact at the moment is completely zero with your child? Maybe try and get some support from a local charity / victim support unit to help deal with things.

Keep fighting

Thank you again, you clearly have a strong understanding of all this so I very much appreciate your advice!
In all honesty I am pretty level headed these days and can generally keep calm. I wouldn't anticipate this being an issue I had clearly been trying to support my ex and I was calm after the separation despite everything.
At this point I am paying for my legal fees. My ex has been doing the same also as I know she couldn't get legal aid originally as there hadn't been any reported incidents to the police at that point. Now I have been arrested she would be entitled is my understanding but I know her solicitor doesn't cover legal aid. The acid test will be if she changes solicitors, obviously this would be a further kick in the groin! My plan is to have my solicitor and barrister cover the next FF hearing and then I will have no choice but to go LIP. I have said to the barrister to raise forms for the appeal but then I will probably have to go LIP for that process, I am speaking with him this afternoon.
The hearing was Weds 12th and I haven't seen her since. I am desperate to, but I can't agree the CC agreement until I have seen the court order once sealed as I think there is scope for me to have some pretty long visits etc and I need to confirm the wording on family. I'm chasing this again today. Ultimately there will come a point when I may not be able to afford the CC as its eye-wateringly expensive.

I will keep fighting. I don't have a choice to give up I never will but certainly could do with a bit of 'rub of the green' going my way on something soon.

Thanks very much again!

 

[mainstay92]

Thank you so much for your detailed reply! I very much appreciate you taking the time to do that.
It was ordered by the judge at what was the first hearing (following prior emergency hearing actioned by my ex).
In all honesty no detail other than what I had been arrested on suspicion of was discussed, no questions were asked at all. My ex had listed sexual abuse as one of the things on her C1A which at the time was a shock but what she has alleged to the police is worse. Surely as they must see this all the time, I would have expected at least a query as to why you wouldn't either just go to the police in the first place and get your daughter back immediately or why you hadn't detailed the most serious example of any abuse on your C1A when you are absolutely desperate to get your daughter back.

Hi yes Cafcass did the police checks, mine was still outstanding but I had no previous and my ex had been convicted of GBH reduce to ABH about 10 years ago.
I do appreciate what you are saying regarding testing. I no longer have the same ongoing concern that my ex is drinking and using drugs at the level she once was. However, given the dismissal of the Cafcass report, I now no longer have any tangible assurance she won't put my daughter at risk from such behaviour moving forward. I do have genuine concerns she could easily slip back into old habits now the spotlight is off her so to speak. Without question she manipulated the first result but as you say I have to just accept this for what it is. I think the larger frustration is that I can show how irresponsible she was being very regularly and at a bare minimum this would have to warrant some ongoing safeguarding which now won't be the case.

I am raising an appeal against the judges decision based on her immediate return of my daughter without conducting a welfare checklist. Her order for me to be fully supervised at visits when my ex has told police and Cafcass there are no safeguarding issues with my daughter in my care and the order of the fact finding which both parties had agreed at the most recent hearing would not be required.

I totally appreciate the idea of co-operation etc and putting the child first. It is all I have done throughout the process and I had exhausted every available option to me prior to retaining my daughter. It was my last resort. However that being said, my ex has told vicious lies against me which are, whatever the outcome, life changing. She has taken a win at all costs approach to this and ultimately its me that has paid the price. It's very hard to see any potential for cooperation after that. Despite what has happened to me I have said to my family that irrespective of the Judges decision and the effect on me. If I was put in the same position I was in at the time and even if I knew what was going to happen to me, I would still take the same action because I had to for the ongoing safety of my daughter.
Genuinely at no stage throughout the process have I indulged in mud-slinging or malice but is was important for me to be able to give some account of what we had been through and the opportunity for that has now seemingly passed which is upsetting but again we have to take it as it is.

I very much take on board your advice regarding housing, as mentioned I have taken a major setback in this regard, but I will get this sorted one way or another prior to the next FF hearing.

Thank you again for your advice

Your ex wife will be watched too. While the police investigate is on going, the courts won't let you have the child until it comes back as no further action. Tbh your ex probs knows this and that's why she has brought these allegations against u.. alot do! It's on them to prove the allegations but you can also prove your innocence in a fact find. I'd push for it to happen ASAP if that's what the judge wants, cause with Allegations having a ff done is when it really starts the Child arrangements order, otherwise it's honestly same shit every time with no decision been made. It's children's act 1988 I think that says delay could affect the child. You have concerns about the child been with the mother full time. Raise these concerns with ur previous caffcass report that you need a sooner court date for the welfare of your child. Don't do it as arguing with your ex purely your concerns for your child.. in court remember to remain calm as your been watched for reactions by the judge

 

[mainstay92]

Thank you again, you clearly have a strong understanding of all this so I very much appreciate your advice!
In all honesty I am pretty level headed these days and can generally keep calm. I wouldn't anticipate this being an issue I had clearly been trying to support my ex and I was calm after the separation despite everything.
At this point I am paying for my legal fees. My ex has been doing the same also as I know she couldn't get legal aid originally as there hadn't been any reported incidents to the police at that point. Now I have been arrested she would be entitled is my understanding but I know her solicitor doesn't cover legal aid. The acid test will be if she changes solicitors, obviously this would be a further kick in the groin! My plan is to have my solicitor and barrister cover the next FF hearing and then I will have no choice but to go LIP. I have said to the barrister to raise forms for the appeal but then I will probably have to go LIP for that process, I am speaking with him this afternoon.
The hearing was Weds 12th and I haven't seen her since. I am desperate to, but I can't agree the CC agreement until I have seen the court order once sealed as I think there is scope for me to have some pretty long visits etc and I need to confirm the wording on family. I'm chasing this again today. Ultimately there will come a point when I may not be able to afford the CC as its eye-wateringly expensive.

I will keep fighting. I don't have a choice to give up I never will but certainly could do with a bit of 'rub of the green' going my way on something soon.

Thanks very much again!

Ask for cc to be spilt between both of you as your struggling to pay and its important for you and your child to continue your relationship