Hi to all Dads

[Markystroudy]

Hi, I am looking for some opinions really
I have two kids with my ex I have them every other weekend and split time with them through the holidays.
I have had the usual guilt trips and threats of not being able to see them, videos of the kids being interrogated as to why they don't enjoy spending they're time with me.

Anyways over the 3 years we have been split I have of course paid cm but also all child care costs.

I have spoken to a solicitor and they advised me I am well within my right to stop the child care payments which equate to £600 a month.

I have recently had to change jobs due to injury so I now earn less than the ex but I still have reservations/worry about giving notice to stop paying child care fees.

Has anyone else gone through this?

Thanks for reading

 

[Roblox]

Hi.

Your only obligated to pay the cms. The issue is of course the backlash should you choose to do this.

Can you discuss this with your ex?

 

[Roblox]

Also how old are the kids

 

[Ash]

Yes you only need to pay CM at the assessed rate. However, it sounds like there are no court orders in place and it's an informal arrangement between you for the every other week-end and half the holidays - is that right? Likewise you can have informal arrangements over finances - the CMS call that a "family based arrangement" - where it's agreed who pays for what. When you say childcare costs, are your children at nursery or something? What childcare costs do you pay, in addition to CM? Also is your CM assessed via the CMS or is ths just paid to the ex after calculating it on the CMS website?

If you've had to reduce work and income, you have good reason to want to reduce the amounts, but I think you can guess that it won't go down well and an ex can commonly withold the children in retaliation.

Whatever your solicitor has said - you have to live with the situation. Your ex is used to receiving this level of income. If there are to be any changes, it needs to be done carefully. And agree with Roblox, you should have a discussion. Drip feed the idea gradually would be my suggestion. Like - you're earning less now, and may have to "look at" the childcare fees and is there any way they can be reduced? (Ie can the cost of it be reduced). That gives a hint that you might not be able to keep paying them and gives her warning to look at options just in case.

Suddenly just stopping it would no doubt receive a huge backlash and you'd be accused of not providing for your kids etc, And yes she may tell them that and try and turn them against you.

I can't really comment more until I know what you mean by childcare fees! £600 a month sounds a lot so I'm guessing it's fees for nursery?

Sorry to hear about your injury. Are you working less and at home more? One option could be to offer to have the kids more to reduce the childcare fees. She probably won't like that either!