Hi All

[DB2021]

Hello everyone.

I haven’t been around much just been trying my hardest to cope with everything which I’m just about doing but I’m okay I have my good days and really bad days but I know the position I’m in now and the reality of my situation.

Ex has stuck to little one walking our dog once a month and got an email yesterday for her to come today. I did say in reply that this time I’d be standing at the door to wave at my little one so she didn’t think I just didn’t care. Last month I didn’t as wasn’t sure how to handle the situation but thought I won’t hide away. My little one may want nothing to do with me but she will see me standing there proud and letting her know I’m there.

So they arrived today and ex and her partner were at door but so was my little one so I at least got to see her only for about 30 seconds but she was sitting touching distance. She wouldn’t speak to me at all and ignored me when I spoke to her but I wasn’t expecting to actually see her so whilst it’s a tiny thing it was huge to me.

Very much I’ve been replaced by mums partner she clung to him the whole time and wouldn’t even look at me so that was tough to take but also shows what ex is about as zero reason for her partner to come to door as well.

Toughest part is seeing her has been amazing even if extremely brief but also it’s hurt my heart so much to have her so close and to be treated like I don’t exist.

I cling on to the small hope that one day when she’s older and she can think for herself that she at least wants answers but I’m also having to come to terms with the fact that may never happen.

All of this has destroyed me completely and I am really just existing these days. I try to be as happy as I can be but that has been ripped out of me over the last few years.

My love for my little girl is unexplainable and I will always be there ready if she ever seeks me out.

I hope all of you are doing as well as you be

 

[Ash]

That sounds very bittersweet. I can see it must have been special to see her, but your ex was really rubbing your face in it wasn't she? There was no need to bring her partner as well. The positive thing is, even if your daughter ignored you, I am sure she wanted to see you - not just the dog.

Your ex's parenting is so obviously outrageous if she couldn't even encourage your daughter to go and say hello to Daddy and smile. I don't think I'd want ex and her partner on my doorstep. They are treating you so badly.

But yes your daughter will grow up and she'll not always be so controlled. Her feelings for a stepdad won't be the same as the bond she has with you. She just has no choice in the matter.

 

[DB2021]

That sounds very bittersweet. I can see it must have been special to see her, but your ex was really rubbing your face in it wasn't she? There was no need to bring her partner as well. The positive thing is, even if your daughter ignored you, I am sure she wanted to see you - not just the dog.

Your ex's parenting is so obviously outrageous if she couldn't even encourage your daughter to go and say hello to Daddy and smile. I don't think I'd want ex and her partner on my doorstep. They are treating you so badly.

But yes your daughter will grow up and she'll not always be so controlled. Her feelings for a stepdad won't be the same as the bond she has with you. She just has no choice in the matter.

That’s exactly the word Ash it was amazing but also the worst pain I’ve felt in a long time.

She just plays the game acting like she’s so innocent but the fact she thinks it’s okay to have partner come to the door with her and little one shows different. When they dropped him off again her an partner at the door not little one it’s just baffling how arrogant they both are.

But the fact she came to the door when they picked him up gives me some hope and I got to tell her I love her which was amazing as it’s the most I’ve had in the last 9 months.

I don’t want them at my doorstep at all but I know rising above it for little one and Diego is what’s right. Neither of them are to blame and they have always been so close so i wouldn’t want to take them away from each other no matter the personal turmoil that the ex and partner bring.

I hope so the control they have on her is so bad and it breaks my heart but I am where I am I just have to try and battle through it each day.

Thanx for taking the time to reply I really should come get more often I’ve just been lost these last few months.

 

[Ash]

Hang in there. Are you keeping busy? I know you will live with it all the time but it's important to achieve things in life and one day she'll see how great you are. Have your achievements on social media as well. Don't let them get you down. It's a cruel situation. However awful it is, it wouldn't be happening if your daughter hadn't wanted to see the dog (which might mean she just wants to see you and it was the only way of doing so). But ex and her partner are treating you like xxxxx.

 

[DB2021]

Hang in there. Are you keeping busy? I know you will live with it all the time but it's important to achieve things in life and one day she'll see how great you are. Have your achievements on social media as well. Don't let them get you down. It's a cruel situation. However awful it is, it wouldn't be happening if your daughter hadn't wanted to see the dog (which might mean she just wants to see you and it was the only way of doing so). But ex and her partner are treating you like xxxxx.

I’m trying to keep busy, work keeps me busy most of the time and I walk the dog a lot which helps. Having him is literally my saving grace otherwise I’d be struggling far more than I am already.

Yeah I hope it is her way of seeing me I can’t feel like it is only because of the way she was today and the fact she didn’t come to the door the first time. But I know she’s under there spell so that will have a lot to do with it.

I think him being there was the worst bit of it because I just want to destroy him his arrogance to stand there with a face like thunder and behave that way but no matter how much I want to lay into him I wouldn’t but I can’t lie it tests me every time I see him.

I have to take it though as it was my choice to let them come for Diego but I just couldn’t deny little one that time with him. It was a choice of not allowing it and be vilified by mum to little one or allow it and accept the treatment by mum and ex. Definitely damned if I do damned if I don’t. But my little one’s feelings are more important to me than my own I’m an adult and can deal with it well mostly I know she can’t.

 

[Jumper85]

Hi DB, How old is your daughter?

Agree with Ash, it does seem the ex is being unreasonable, there is absolutely no need for her Partner to be there but you've risen above all that and taken the positives from it.

Have you got a route to seeing your daughter anymore than you currently are? She clearly has a bond with your dog which is great for children and their own mental health, that sounds like it could be encouraged also as monthly doesn't seem very often for either of you.

Keep well. I've previously mentioned a saviour of mine has been the gym, exercising has massively helped me.

 

[DB2021]

Hi DB, How old is your daughter?

Agree with Ash, it does seem the ex is being unreasonable, there is absolutely no need for her Partner to be there but you've risen above all that and taken the positives from it.

Have you got a route to seeing your daughter anymore than you currently are? She clearly has a bond with your dog which is great for children and their own mental health, that sounds like it could be encouraged also as monthly doesn't seem very often for either of you.

Keep well. I've previously mentioned a saviour of mine has been the gym, exercising has massively helped me.

Hi Jumper.

She’s 6 nearly 7.

No I don’t see her at all if you find my older posts you will see my journey which went really well at first then absolutely crashed and I now no longer see her.

Today when they came to pick the dog up was the first time I’ve seen her in person for around 8 months and it was literally 30 seconds.

Ex won’t do it more than monthly as she has said if my daughter wants to see the dog more she has to move forward with her relationship with me which she doesn’t want at all. Ex originally said no to my daughter it was myself that said I had no problem with it as my daughter grew up with my dog so they have an amazing bond and love each other very much.

Yeah the gym is something I’m looking into it’s just finding the time I work very long hours and then with the dog I need to spend time with him as he’s left on his own a lot so I don’t have much chance to go really.

 

[Ash]

If your daughter didn't want to see you she wouldn't bother to come and see the dog - they'd just get their own dog. She is coming back to everything that is to do with you - the house, the dog and you. She's not allowed to say she wants to see you so she says she wants to see the dog. Hold onto that. She hasn't given up on you even though she's powerless.

 

[DB2021]

If your daughter didn't want to see you she wouldn't bother to come and see the dog - they'd just get their own dog. She is coming back to everything that is to do with you - the house, the dog and you. She's not allowed to say she wants to see you so she says she wants to see the dog. Hold onto that. She hasn't given up on you even though she's powerless.

Thanx Ash.

It’s definitely hard to see the positives in anything at the minute but I do know there’s a lot there, always good for someone to say what you just have to make me see that.

It’s a dark place sometimes but I know I’ll still beat it as I always have.

 

[Ash]

You need to protect your mental health as well DB. I know you wanted to see your daughter, but in those circumstances it could drive you insane. I hope you can get some counselling support. And try to build a life outside of work as well. I know it's a bit like a living death when you lose a child and you probably have a lot of ongoing grief, but it's important to try and build a life outside of home and work, not just for yourself, but so your daughter can see what you've achieved when she's older. Get as much support as you can - friends, family, counsellor.

 

[DB2021]

You need to protect your mental health as well DB. I know you wanted to see your daughter, but in those circumstances it could drive you insane. I hope you can get some counselling support. And try to build a life outside of work as well. I know it's a bit like a living death when you lose a child and you probably have a lot of ongoing grief, but it's important to try and build a life outside of home and work, not just for yourself, but so your daughter can see what you've achieved when she's older. Get as much support as you can - friends, family, counsellor.

Tbh I’m pretty proud of how I’m coping all in all.

I have bad days but I don’t let it beat me down to much. You’re definitely right about living a death that’s how it feels and the grief is something else. I just can’t comprehend how anyone can treat someone that way. Even after what my ex has done I’d still never cause her the pain she’s caused me.

I have some plans to start moving forward. I’m saving a lot of money and hopefully next year I can go and visit some places I’ve always wanted to go to and to build those memories to be able to show her.