Help

[Fkdblj]

I’ve just stumbled across this forum, and after a rather heated conversation with my wife feel aggrieved and need a bit of advice/guidance in terms of how to respond and position.

To give a bit of background…

My wife about 6 weeks ago informed me that she wanted to seperate. This has probably been building for many years and in some senses is a relief to me. However we have 2 children, 12 and 10, the eldest at private school, with the intent the youngest would follow at secondary school.

We have had a decent lifestyle, but I have always been focused on building for the future, saving and investing rather than spending, hers has been the opposite.

I have earned through our marriage of 13 years roughly double what my wife has and this will continue I suspect when we are fully divorced in the short term. We had discussed a 50:50 split of finances and childcare. But with the expectation that I would pay child maintenance and their school fees going forward.

She meet with a solicitor this week unbeknown to me who has said that a 50:50 finance split is not fair and she will be entitled to more so that the children’s lifestyle between both households will be equal. She will also expect the maintenance and school fees to be paid by me. I was already at a point of not knowing how I was going to afford this when it was 50:50 but our eldest has thrived this year and he will be heartbroken if he has to move school.

My question is should I see a solicitor / mediator without my ex? And should I apply for a lives with order for the children for 50% of the time before any finances are bought into question?

 

[Roblox]

Hi and welcome

Just to briefly answer the last paragraph definitely a yes.

Also do not leave the family home until child arrangements are sorted.

 

[Ash]

This is quite common unfortunately. Your soon to be ex will want finances sorted first, probably before agreeing to child arrangements. If you can get the 50/50 child arrangements formalised then that will in itself, to some degree, affect the finances (ie there would be no child maintenance to pay). As a result you could do a fair deal and split the childrens costs between you. It might not be that fair - it might be 70/30 to your ex with you paying school fees. Is she working?

You can actually get child arrangements formalised without going to court, if your stbx agrees - you would both just need a solicitor to draw up the order, agree it and submit it to the court for sealing. I suspect her solicitor might advise her not to do that though. But it would help if you can agree it.

Also the ages of your children makes it tricky - without agreement, if it went to court their "wishes" would be strongly considered and your stbx might pressurise them to say what she wants.

 

[Fkdblj]

Thank you for your replies.

Yes she is working and earns circa £60k per year. I earn 50% more with another 50% as an OTE and this is what was being used to pay school fees.

She is paid well for the role she does and has never been the “homemaker” role as she has always worked through our marriage.

I’m pissed that the argument is you can borrow more and therefore you need to give up more.

To complicate matters I inherited 75k in September 2023 from a grandparent who passed and the relationship was ultimately finished but this will come into any arrangement.

 

[Peanut 21]

She meet with a solicitor this week unbeknown to me who has said that a 50:50 finance split is not fair

Of course they'd say that.
Divorce lawyers are parasites who will gladly cause difficulty so they get more money.