Help with going forward

[BlueP789]

Little background. I'll try and make it as short as I can.

My ex and I had a baby together in 2014, we stayed together roughly until she was 2 and then split, I had casual contact until she was 4 and have not seen her since. No major issue between myself and my ex caused the breakdown of contact but I, regrettably, have taken this long to try to establish a relationship with my daughter again.

I submitted my c100 and have had my interview with cafcass. They have spoken to my today after having had their interview with my ex and my daughter who will be turning 10 in two weeks.
My ex was verbally and physically abusive during our relationship which I did not report at the time and do not wish to pursue now, although I did make cafcass aware in my initial interview. She is an extremely manipulative person also. I believe my daughter has been brought up with my ex and her new partner under the impression that he is her father and she has no clue I exist.

Cafcass informed me today that in their initial meeting with my daughter at school, Friday 6th Sept, she made it clear that she does not know who I am. She also said she is happy to receive letters from me in order for us to get to k now each other again. However, my ex sent the cafcass officer an email over the weekend stating that my daughter was extremely upset upon returning home from school and did now want to change her mind and no longer wants to receive such letters. Cafcass re interviewed my daughter on Monday 9th Sept where she informed them of this, with her reasons being she is not ready as she has had too many changes recently (my ex has moved home and had a new baby). Personally those don't sound like thoughts a 9 year old would have.

Cafcass told me today they will still be recommending me to write letter to my daughter and ensure I pay for recorded delivery so I know they have been received.

My issue is

1. I know my ex will not pass these letters along to my daughter as I have send birthday, easter Christmas etc etc cards and gifts every year and she has never passed these along to my daughter. So I expect it to be no different now.

2. If the court order states that these letters will happen and they must be passed on to my daughter - what happens if they are not?

3. If the letter writing goes well and my daughter wants to begin to increase contact with me let's say by meeting - how do I go about that? would I have to resubmit another c100?

I am extremely upset by the cafcass outcome, I didn't expect to be given full unsupervised contact or anything straight off the bat as I know she has not seen me for nearly 6 years. But I did think that there would be a more positive outcome or encouragement from cafcass.

 

[bujanin]

Little background. I'll try and make it as short as I can.

My ex and I had a baby together in 2014, we stayed together roughly until she was 2 and then split, I had casual contact until she was 4 and have not seen her since. No major issue between myself and my ex caused the breakdown of contact but I, regrettably, have taken this long to try to establish a relationship with my daughter again.

I submitted my c100 and have had my interview with cafcass. They have spoken to my today after having had their interview with my ex and my daughter who will be turning 10 in two weeks.
My ex was verbally and physically abusive during our relationship which I did not report at the time and do not wish to pursue now, although I did make cafcass aware in my initial interview. She is an extremely manipulative person also. I believe my daughter has been brought up with my ex and her new partner under the impression that he is her father and she has no clue I exist.

Cafcass informed me today that in their initial meeting with my daughter at school, Friday 6th Sept, she made it clear that she does not know who I am. She also said she is happy to receive letters from me in order for us to get to k now each other again. However, my ex sent the cafcass officer an email over the weekend stating that my daughter was extremely upset upon returning home from school and did now want to change her mind and no longer wants to receive such letters. Cafcass re interviewed my daughter on Monday 9th Sept where she informed them of this, with her reasons being she is not ready as she has had too many changes recently (my ex has moved home and had a new baby). Personally those don't sound like thoughts a 9 year old would have.

Cafcass told me today they will still be recommending me to write letter to my daughter and ensure I pay for recorded delivery so I know they have been received.

My issue is

1. I know my ex will not pass these letters along to my daughter as I have send birthday, easter Christmas etc etc cards and gifts every year and she has never passed these along to my daughter. So I expect it to be no different now.

2. If the court order states that these letters will happen and they must be passed on to my daughter - what happens if they are not?

3. If the letter writing goes well and my daughter wants to begin to increase contact with me let's say by meeting - how do I go about that? would I have to resubmit another c100?

I am extremely upset by the cafcass outcome, I didn't expect to be given full unsupervised contact or anything straight off the bat as I know she has not seen me for nearly 6 years. But I did think that there would be a more positive outcome or encouragement from cafcass.

Could I ask just to be clear, you had contact until she was four then walked away. Was there any particular reason that you ceased communication with your daughter?

 

[Roblox]

Hi

Yeah those letters are unlikely to be seem by your daughter.

Just to understand why was there a 6 year gap.no judgment but just to understand.

I think about 12 or 13 the kids views are listened too so your time frame is a bit short here.

Will defer to others but I think you need to push this at court itself to get some kind of actual contact as anything like letters or the promise of calls is unlikely to happen even if court ordered.

 

[BlueP789]

Could I ask just to be clear, you had contact until she was four then walked away. Was there any particular reason that you ceased communication with your daughter?

Yes I would see her on a casual basis until she was four. There was no particular reason the contact broke down. My ex just stopped contacting me and I didn’t fight for contact mainly due to my own personal situation of not being in a good financial or mental position to deal with court. Plus my ex was a very volatile and hostile person and at the time I felt it best to just let her carry on with her life. ( I went through courts for contact with my son (he’s is now 16 and it’s a different ex) and the process nearly crippled me mentally and financially)

 

[BlueP789]

Hi

Yeah those letters are unlikely to be seem by your daughter.

Just to understand why was there a 6 year gap.no judgment but just to understand.

I think about 12 or 13 the kids views are listened too so your time frame is a bit short here.

Will defer to others but I think you need to push this at court itself to get some kind of actual contact as anything like letters or the promise of calls is unlikely to happen even if court ordered.

Hi yes a six year gap - yeah I’ve read similar but I’ve also read they take child’s view from 10 years old too. I was told by cafcass I have the option to agree with their report advice which will then get put into a court order or I can disagree. I assume if I disagree I’m then looking at a court battle but I’m not really sure how I fight it because I feel I’m not exactly in the best position to do so because of the time I’ve had no contact. I also don’t want to push my daughter further away by forcing contact upon her when according to cafcass she isn’t ready. ( in my heart I believe that is my ex manipulating her but I can’t be sure)

 

[BlueP789]

Hi yes a six year gap - yeah I’ve read similar but I’ve also read they take child’s view from 10 years old too. I was told by cafcass I have the option to agree with their report advice which will then get put into a court order or I can disagree. I assume if I disagree I’m then looking at a court battle but I’m not really sure how I fight it because I feel I’m not exactly in the best position to do so because of the time I’ve had no contact. I also don’t want to push my daughter further away by forcing contact upon her when according to cafcass she isn’t ready. ( in my heart I believe that is my ex manipulating her but I can’t be sure)

Sorry I explained in reply to bujanin above why contact ended

 

[bujanin]

Yes I would see her on a casual basis until she was four. There was no particular reason the contact broke down. My ex just stopped contacting me and I didn’t fight for contact mainly due to my own personal situation of not being in a good financial or mental position to deal with court. Plus my ex was a very volatile and hostile person and at the time I felt it best to just let her carry on with her life. ( I went through courts for contact with my son (he’s is now 16 and it’s a different ex) and the process nearly crippled me mentally and financially)

I'm coming from the pov of having adopted a young boy, his father just disappeared, the mother did the best but couldn't cope. My father wasn't there from 5 years of age so it resonated with me. The boy has abandonment issues which I've learnt a lot about over the past couple of years.

I understand well the mental and financial aspect of going through the courts.

It sounds like you both need each other but the girl needs to be treated with sensitivity and understanding of her confusion.

Make good use of the huge volumes of information on here.

 

[BlueP789]

I'm coming from the pov of having adopted a young boy, his father just disappeared, the mother did the best but couldn't cope. My father wasn't there from 5 years of age so it resonated with me. The boy has abandonment issues which I've learnt a lot about over the past couple of years.

I understand well the mental and financial aspect of going through the courts.

It sounds like you both need each other but the girl needs to be treated with sensitivity and understanding of her confusion.

Make good use of the huge volumes of information on here.

Yes I want to do what’s right for my daughter and like you said it is going to be confusing for her as I truly believe she has never been told about me. I have sent cards and gifts every birthday Christmas Easter and Mother’s Day up until this year when my ex’s mother (I used to send them to her house) messaged me to tell me not to bother because my ex has never passed any of them on to my daughter.
I don’t want my daughter to feel that same abandonment like you’ve said. I’ve not gone a day without thinking of her. But in my mind I’ve always told myself they’re better off without me. It’s only now I’m with my current partner and we have a new baby boy together, she’s given me confidence to pursue contact. I want my daughter to know her family but I know my ex is going to make it very difficult sadly and time is running out

 

[Ash]

Did you keep photocopies of the cards and notes of the gifts sent over the years? That could be quite important, as at some point in the future you can prove that to your daughter, when she's older, as she may have been told you just abandoned her.

When you say you saw her casually until she was four, how often was that? Twice a year? Once a month? The odd day a week? And did she know you were her Dad and call you Daddy?

Because I am thinking a four year old would remember you. She may well have felt abandoned if she was told you didn't want to see her any more (if your ex told her that).

It sounds like she was keen to hear from you in saying she would like letters. And also clear to Cafcass that ex had got her to change her mind. If Cafcass are going to recommend indirect contact only (letters) then you would need to be able to persuade the court that it should be more than that. That could be quite difficult after an absence of 5 or 6 years, regardless of the reasons. You could try for it, and you might need representation at a final hearing to try and get a better outcome. But the courts are likely to follow Cafcass recommendation. A Barrister might be able to persuade the court for more than that, especially if it can be highlighted that you have been sending cards and gifts for years and the child hasn't received them. You could perhaps ask for a couple of hours every other week-end. However the court might think you could disappear again and decide against that - but you can try.

I agree that your daughter is unlikely to get the letters, cards etc. Not only should they be sent Guaranteed Delivery (it gives you a receipt as well), but photocopy them before they're sent and keep copies of everything sent. Your daughter now knows you're out there and interested and that will be in her mind. One day she might contact you of her own accord.

Sending the cards and gifts for years shows a level of commitment. Can I ask, have you paid any Child Maintenance at all over the years? Or was it not asked for? I think if you do get an order for time, your ex will almost certainly start asking for Child Maintenance as well.

It's probably best not to say that the reason you stayed away was because your ex was controlling etc, as the courts will see that as you being negative about the Mother which could be harmful for the child. Better to say something like - because of the way the relationship ended and you struggled with it and emotionally you were not up to dealing with the courts at the time, when your ex stopped you seeing your daughter.

One thing you must never do - in any letters, or if you ever see your daughter, is tell her things like that about her Mother. Stick to - Mum and I went on different paths but I always wanted to see you. Or something like that.

 

[BlueP789]

Hi - thanks for your reply. No I never kept copies of anything. The only acknowledgment I ever had of the gifts was from the grandma to tell me not to waste my time and money anymore.

I saw her a few times a month never over night. She knew I was her dad and she knew her older brother too. I know my ex has been with her current partner since we split and I believe he was around before the split too. I have no clue what my ex has told my daughter but I’ve come to the conclusion she has never told her about me 1. Due to my Aunty asking my ex if she could see my daughter and her reply being no as she doesn’t want to confuse her. And 2. My ex contacted me at the beginning of the year asking to change my daughters surname to match hers (she currently legally has my surname on her passport) so going through customs is easier. I initially agreed but when I found out she was also removing my maternal grandmothers name as my daughters middle name I knew something else was her true reason for the name change so I didn’t agree. That’s also the only contact I’ve had from my ex in the six years.

I’ve paid child maintenance since 2017 at first on a direct basis. When covid hit I was unemployed but didn’t make CSA aware so she contact them for payments which mounted up to a lot of arrears which after returning to full time work I’ve paid off and am continuing with regular monthly payments now. However my ex, when we met regarding the passport, accused me of never paying which is completely untrue.

I’m wondering whether cafcass are able to assist with the letters maybe by getting them to my daughter in school? I’m not really 100% sure how cafcass operate because I told them about the previous cards and gift not being passed along and that my daughter Changling her mind about the letters from one meeting to the next was certainly coming from her mum and the case worker disagreed with me. They also said my daughter drew a portrait of herself during the initial meeting which she wanted to give to the court which in my mind is likely for me? So that seems like quite a positive thing from her, to then change her mind over the weekend.

I would like to fight for something more than letters - if I want to do this do I just state that I disagree with cafcass report and go from there? If they just go with the recommendation of letters - and as is most likely she doesn’t receive them or I get no response back from my daughter what would my next steps be then?

Sorry if this is not very coherent it’s really effected me having this news and I don’t know my head from arse at the moment.

 

[Ash]

Ok so when Cafcass decide something there isn’t a lot you can do about it - yet. They are generally Mother biased and any criticism of the ex, they probably will disagree with you. They don’t like a parent criticising the Mother because the child has attachment and loyalty to the Mother.

So the way forward is to save your arguments for the court at a final hearing and have representation at that hearing if you can afford it. The fact you’ve paid CM for years will help show you were committed to supporting your daughter. Did you have receipts of the payments made? We usually recommend paying by standing order with a reference “Child Maintenance” to prove payment. However that probably won’t come up as a big issue - any evidence you have of payment could help at a final hearing though. Also any evidence of having sent cards letters and gifts for years.

It’s interesting that your child has had your surname for years (presumably different to ex’s surname? Or did she keep your name too?). So your child must know she is linked to you by her surname, even if she doesn’t know her middle name is that of your grandmother.

You need to make a case that you’ve been committed at a distance and always wanted to be involved. That you don’t want to disrupt your daughter’s home life but feel she would benefit from knowing you and having some contact and you hope the court process will help child’s Mother and you reach some agreements.

Cafcass are being black and white and gone with indirect contact only. Easy option and they are supporting the Mother basically. They know child changed her mind AFTER the interview. They know ex got her to say something different. I suspect their view is Mum doesn’t like it and child lives with Mum so keep Mum happy.

At a final hearing a barrister could cross examine Cafcass over their report and argue your case. You’d have a chance if time then. Barristers aren’t cheap though. Some Dads have successfully represented themselves but it isn’t easy and some of us aren’t the right type of person to achieve that alone. We all have different personalities. Barristers do have the ear of a Judge as well and will fight your corner and can sometimes say things that you couldn’t say as LIP without looking bad.

So the next hearing is a DRA after a section 7 then? For that it would be good to do a position statement in advance of the hearing - maybe you’ve been ordered to do one anyway, responding to the section 7? If so we can help with that a bit and I’m happy to look over it before it goes. Always keep wording child focused rather than about you. But obviously talk about the benefits for the child and make clear you are positive s out her life with her Mum. That is important as if you criticise the ex they will see it as the child being caught in the middle of conflict - which is why they leave them with the Mother if they think that - to avoid the conflict - that is also decided on a bit of a black and white way.

So what happened about the surname? Did it get changed or not?

 

[bujanin]

Hi - thanks for your reply. No I never kept copies of anything. The only acknowledgment I ever had of the gifts was from the grandma to tell me not to waste my time and money anymore.

I saw her a few times a month never over night. She knew I was her dad and she knew her older brother too. I know my ex has been with her current partner since we split and I believe he was around before the split too. I have no clue what my ex has told my daughter but I’ve come to the conclusion she has never told her about me 1. Due to my Aunty asking my ex if she could see my daughter and her reply being no as she doesn’t want to confuse her. And 2. My ex contacted me at the beginning of the year asking to change my daughters surname to match hers (she currently legally has my surname on her passport) so going through customs is easier. I initially agreed but when I found out she was also removing my maternal grandmothers name as my daughters middle name I knew something else was her true reason for the name change so I didn’t agree. That’s also the only contact I’ve had from my ex in the six years.

I’ve paid child maintenance since 2017 at first on a direct basis. When covid hit I was unemployed but didn’t make CSA aware so she contact them for payments which mounted up to a lot of arrears which after returning to full time work I’ve paid off and am continuing with regular monthly payments now. However my ex, when we met regarding the passport, accused me of never paying which is completely untrue.

I’m wondering whether cafcass are able to assist with the letters maybe by getting them to my daughter in school? I’m not really 100% sure how cafcass operate because I told them about the previous cards and gift not being passed along and that my daughter Changling her mind about the letters from one meeting to the next was certainly coming from her mum and the case worker disagreed with me. They also said my daughter drew a portrait of herself during the initial meeting which she wanted to give to the court which in my mind is likely for me? So that seems like quite a positive thing from her, to then change her mind over the weekend.

I would like to fight for something more than letters - if I want to do this do I just state that I disagree with cafcass report and go from there? If they just go with the recommendation of letters - and as is most likely she doesn’t receive them or I get no response back from my daughter what would my next steps be then?

Sorry if this is not very coherent it’s really effected me having this news and I don’t know my head from arse at the moment.

Do you think that in day to day life - school, doctors etc - she's given a different surname than yours?
If she has gone ten years with her Dad's surname that would keep you present in her mind. It would also be surprising though.

 

[BlueP789]

So I haven’t had the cafcass report back yet it’s due tomorrow according to the cafcass worker. Am I best to disagree with their report immediately? I am very limited on funds but I don’t want to agree with the report if it’s basically just saying letters only because that’s just exactly where I am now anyway.

Do you know a ball park figure for rejecting cafcass advisory and going ahead to final hearing with rep of a barrister?

In terms of the surname. My ex told me when I met with her re the passport that I might as well just sign for a change because she changed her name via deed poll immediately when we split up anyway. I don’t believe she’s aware of her legal surname being mine. I think the real reason she wants the name change is because my daughter is now of an age where she probably wanted to see her own passport etc etc and it would have caused her to ask questions regarding her name. I initially signed to agree to the change as I felt so much pressure from my ex and her partner as if I was being an arsehole for saying no. But after thinking over it that evening I called the passport offer and retracted my agreement to it. My ex then sent a horrid letter to my house telling me how much I'd upset my daughter by not allowing her to change her name and how shit of a father I was and how she hopes when my daughter grows up she can see me for what I am. (very similar to how she contacted CAFCASS after my daughter initial meeting).

 

[BlueP789]

Ok so when Cafcass decide something there isn’t a lot you can do about it - yet. They are generally Mother biased and any criticism of the ex, they probably will disagree with you. They don’t like a parent criticising the Mother because the child has attachment and loyalty to the Mother.

So the way forward is to save your arguments for the court at a final hearing and have representation at that hearing if you can afford it. The fact you’ve paid CM for years will help show you were committed to supporting your daughter. Did you have receipts of the payments made? We usually recommend paying by standing order with a reference “Child Maintenance” to prove payment. However that probably won’t come up as a big issue - any evidence you have of payment could help at a final hearing though. Also any evidence of having sent cards letters and gifts for years.

It’s interesting that your child has had your surname for years (presumably different to ex’s surname? Or did she keep your name too?). So your child must know she is linked to you by her surname, even if she doesn’t know her middle name is that of your grandmother.

You need to make a case that you’ve been committed at a distance and always wanted to be involved. That you don’t want to disrupt your daughter’s home life but feel she would benefit from knowing you and having some contact and you hope the court process will help child’s Mother and you reach some agreements.

Cafcass are being black and white and gone with indirect contact only. Easy option and they are supporting the Mother basically. They know child changed her mind AFTER the interview. They know ex got her to say something different. I suspect their view is Mum doesn’t like it and child lives with Mum so keep Mum happy.

At a final hearing a barrister could cross examine Cafcass over their report and argue your case. You’d have a chance if time then. Barristers aren’t cheap though. Some Dads have successfully represented themselves but it isn’t easy and some of us aren’t the right type of person to achieve that alone. We all have different personalities. Barristers do have the ear of a Judge as well and will fight your corner and can sometimes say things that you couldn’t say as LIP without looking bad.

So the next hearing is a DRA after a section 7 then? For that it would be good to do a position statement in advance of the hearing - maybe you’ve been ordered to do one anyway, responding to the section 7? If so we can help with that a bit and I’m happy to look over it before it goes. Always keep wording child focused rather than about you. But obviously talk about the benefits for the child and make clear you are positive s out her life with her Mum. That is important as if you criticise the ex they will see it as the child being caught in the middle of conflict - which is why they leave them with the Mother if they think that - to avoid the conflict - that is also decided on a bit of a black and white way.

So what happened about the surname? Did it get changed or not?

And also yes I have records of every payment made to csa via my online portal

 

[BlueP789]

Hi all. So I’ve had the cafcass report back. It recommend indirect contact in the form of letter and cards at special occasions. It states me daughter has no idea who I am, she initially agreed to letters with the cafcass officer but went home that day after school and her mum has emailed cafcass saying my daughter came home upset. My daughter was then called on the telephone by cafcass and changed her mind on receiving my letters and apparently said she just wanted to say the right thing. This is exactly what I’ve already been doing for the last 7 years and I know they have not been passed on.

It states the mother is not directly opposed to contact and will actively encourage my daughter to read and respond to my letters if she wishes and keep them in a safe place for the future if she doesn’t want to read them. It also states she hopes my daughter will want contact with me in the future and will support whatever her wishes are.

The report generally reads with an underlying tone of bias.

One that reallet struck me was I informed cafcass of my partners abuse, including physical which is corroborated in the report by a police filing of battery against my partner towards me at my place of work. ( we were still together when this happened) The cafcass report states my ex agreed this happened but was done out of frustration with me not helping pay bills and for our daughter. Which is nonsense. And that the cafcass officer believes there to be truth in her story as it has taken me 7 years to make an application which I have not provided a justifiable reason for.

I told the cafcass officer how much I struggled mentally and financially after our split and how destroying it was going to court with my first child from a different relationship. But apparently it’s okay to punch me and strangle me in my place of work because i haven’t filed a C100 earlier….

Our first hearing is listed for the end of the month.

I am considering legal representation from now onward but the likely cost terrifies me.

What is the likelihood I’ll even get anything more than indirect contact?

I’m not even asking for much I just want a chance rebuild my relationship with my daughter slowly. Letters will not do this as I’ve been sending things before and she doesn’t know who I am. I’d like maybe a few hours one or two weekends a month starting off.

 

[Roblox]

Will your ex be represented legally?

The most important bit would be a barrister on the day I think (apologies if already mentioned upthread).The only issue I believe is many barristers won't work without a solicitor also in the picture but there are services such as barristers direct.

 

[BlueP789]

Will your ex be represented legally?

The most important bit would be a barrister on the day I think (apologies if already mentioned upthread).The only issue I believe is many barristers won't work without a solicitor also in the picture but there are services such as barristers direct.

It doesn’t seem like she will be no. It’s only the first hearing at the end of the month. We’ve both been ordered to submit position statements but the court order seems to be worded in a way that it doesn’t expect a long process and it states the court will have to give good reason to sway from the cafcass recommendation so I’m really stressed now about getting to spend any time with my daughter

 

[mainstay92]

100

Little background. I'll try and make it as short as I can.

My ex and I had a baby together in 2014, we stayed together roughly until she was 2 and then split, I had casual contact until she was 4 and have not seen her since. No major issue between myself and my ex caused the breakdown of contact but I, regrettably, have taken this long to try to establish a relationship with my daughter again.

I submitted my c100 and have had my interview with cafcass. They have spoken to my today after having had their interview with my ex and my daughter who will be turning 10 in two weeks.
My ex was verbally and physically abusive during our relationship which I did not report at the time and do not wish to pursue now, although I did make cafcass aware in my initial interview. She is an extremely manipulative person also. I believe my daughter has been brought up with my ex and her new partner under the impression that he is her father and she has no clue I exist.

Cafcass informed me today that in their initial meeting with my daughter at school, Friday 6th Sept, she made it clear that she does not know who I am. She also said she is happy to receive letters from me in order for us to get to k now each other again. However, my ex sent the cafcass officer an email over the weekend stating that my daughter was extremely upset upon returning home from school and did now want to change her mind and no longer wants to receive such letters. Cafcass re interviewed my daughter on Monday 9th Sept where she informed them of this, with her reasons being she is not ready as she has had too many changes recently (my ex has moved home and had a new baby). Personally those don't sound like thoughts a 9 year old would have.

Cafcass told me today they will still be recommending me to write letter to my daughter and ensure I pay for recorded delivery so I know they have been received.

My issue is

1. I know my ex will not pass these letters along to my daughter as I have send birthday, easter Christmas etc etc cards and gifts every year and she has never passed these along to my daughter. So I expect it to be no different now.

2. If the court order states that these letters will happen and they must be passed on to my daughter - what happens if they are not?

3. If the letter writing goes well and my daughter wants to begin to increase contact with me let's say by meeting - how do I go about that? would I have to resubmit another c100?

I am extremely upset by the cafcass outcome, I didn't expect to be given full unsupervised contact or anything straight off the bat as I know she has not seen me for nearly 6 years. But I did think that there would be a more positive outcome or encouragement from cafcass100percent

Hi all. So I’ve had the cafcass report back. It recommend indirect contact in the form of letter and cards at special occasions. It states me daughter has no idea who I am, she initially agreed to letters with the cafcass officer but went home that day after school and her mum has emailed cafcass saying my daughter came home upset. My daughter was then called on the telephone by cafcass and changed her mind on receiving my letters and apparently said she just wanted to say the right thing. This is exactly what I’ve already been doing for the last 7 years and I know they have not been passed on.

It states the mother is not directly opposed to contact and will actively encourage my daughter to read and respond to my letters if she wishes and keep them in a safe place for the future if she doesn’t want to read them. It also states she hopes my daughter will want contact with me in the future and will support whatever her wishes are.

The report generally reads with an underlying tone of bias.

One that reallet struck me was I informed cafcass of my partners abuse, including physical which is corroborated in the report by a police filing of battery against my partner towards me at my place of work. ( we were still together when this happened) The cafcass report states my ex agreed this happened but was done out of frustration with me not helping pay bills and for our daughter. Which is nonsense. And that the cafcass officer believes there to be truth in her story as it has taken me 7 years to make an application which I have not provided a justifiable reason for.

I told the cafcass officer how much I struggled mentally and financially after our split and how destroying it was going to court with my first child from a different relationship. But apparently it’s okay to punch me and strangle me in my place of work because i haven’t filed a C100 earlier….

Our first hearing is listed for the end of the month.

I am considering legal representation from now onward but the likely cost terrifies me.

What is the likelihood I’ll even get anything more than indirect contact?

I’m not even asking for much I just want a chance rebuild my relationship with my daughter slowly. Letters will not do this as I’ve been sending things before and she doesn’t know who I am. I’d like maybe a few hours one or two weekends a month starting off.

Could you ask Caffcass to deliver the letters to the child's school If you send to them to ensure your daughter gets them
I feel your daughter is been influenced by her mother, a child does not go from wanted letters to not .. definitely something the mother said to her

 

[BlueP789]

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Could you ask Caffcass to deliver the letters to the child's school If you send to them to ensure your daughter gets them
I feel your daughter is been influenced by her mother, a child does not go from wanted letters to not .. definitely something the mother said to her

I had this idea also and it was noted in the report that this was an idea but the mother didn’t want to disclose the name of her new school as they’ve recently moved and apparently I showed harassing behaviours to find their old address (not true).
I completely agree it’s also stated in the report that my daughter feels that she has too much change recently (new house new school and new sister) and doesn’t want further change or to destabilise her happy life with her mum and step dad. Seems like very mature words for a 10 year old.

 

[mainstay92]

I had this idea also and it was noted in the report that this was an idea but the mother didn’t want to disclose the name of her new school as they’ve recently moved and apparently I showed harassing behaviours to find their old address (not true).
I completely agree it’s also stated in the report that my daughter feels that she has too much change recently (new house new school and new sister) and doesn’t want further change or to destabilise her happy life with her mum and step dad. Seems like very mature words for a 10 year old.

Yeah and tbh I would of thought a new baby and with their been an age gap, your daughter would be looking for the attention of her own dad. You don't need to know the school address if you could post to cafcass and they bring the letters to school for your daughter. They have done this before