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Help Understanding The Courts

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JohnDoe001

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Hi,

I am going to run through my situation and what I have applied for before asking a few questions. Obviously if you have any questions please ask, and I will try to explain or fill in any missing gaps as best as I can.

My son was born in 2017, myself and his Mother never really had a relationship as such, it was on and off to say the least, we tried to make it work, she had 4 children and I had 2 from previous relationships at the time. A week after my son was born, he spent a week in hospital and I stayed with him for the entirety of his stay, minus popping home for a shower or popping out for food etc. During this time through current accusations of cheating with the nurses (ridiculous I know) I called it a day. I never saw him again after returning him home from hospital, his Mother wouldn't allow me to be at his registration and called Family Services with an accusation of me harming my new born son, and my older son, Social Services conducted an investigation and before the investigation had be concluded, his Mother had emailed me stating she was sorry for the pain she had caused, and apologised. Social Services completed their investigation and found no wrong doing.

I was concerned that should I have my new born son, that she would continue to cause me issues for example if he went home with a bruise or worse had an accident in my care, that she would then report it to Social Services or refuse me access to him again. My older children were also involved with Social Services at the time, but on their Mother's behalf, let's say she had a few problems with her health and care of the children. I was frightened that my new borns Mother would cause issues with my two older ones as well, I have evidence of a text message that she had sent to my older children's mother saying that they should team up and make sure I don't have any of the children.

I paid Child Maintenance every month without fail.

I have a fairly stable relationship with my two older children's Mother, and we talk and understand that the children's needs come first, so no real issues on this side.

Since this, over the past 4 or so years I have received a few messages asking if I would like to have my youngest son. I was still worried due to his age, that she could cause me problems so I never replied.

My youngest son, started reception in September 22, and an opportunity to have him came available in June 22.

I asked to be put on his birth certificate, and he now shares both mine and his Mother's surname double barrelled.

I began to see him twice a week, either at his home, or taking him to the park for an hour or two after I finished work, building up to overnight stays, in August 22 he began to stay with me for half of the week, to coincide with when I have my other two children 50/50. I have had him ever since, for half the week, and even sometimes a day or two extra. Up until 2 weeks ago this was.

Ever since I began to have him, his Mother has been sending me messages via text, or What'sApp asking me to have him early, even on occasion demanding I have him full time, that she cannot cope with him, that they do not have a relationship, he's naughty, I have messages stating that she doesn't like him, and he doesn't like her etc. She's said that she doesn't want him, or to have overnight stays with him, even stated that he would be better off with me. Stating that he is killing her and making her unwell etc.

My son when he came to me, was 4 years old, he was drinking milk from a teated bottle at bed time, still wearing bed time nappies, and apparently didn't sleep in his own bed. From night one, he slept in his own bed, from about two weeks in, he was no longer wearing bed time nappies, and he never had a bottle of milk, but a cup of milk. He has developed loads in the past almost a year, we have a great relationship, he's fun, intelligent, he's interested in loads of things, and he's built fantastic relationships with his older siblings on my side, his extended family, he has built a loving bond with my partner and her two children as well, who we have been living with for the past 3 months. He is nothing like the child his Mother states he is.

In those 4 years, she has also had another 3 children. So she has 8 children all together now. Some see their Fathers, some don't, I am not sure on their access and when that might occur.

So I agreed to have him full time, which initially she was happy with and agreed to, I made her aware that I would need to change his school, because I work full time, and I would be reliant on my partner taking him to school if he lives with us on a permanent basis.

I set out when she would be able to have him, which is obviously difficult due to her not wanting overnight stays, and living half an hour away, she also cannot drive so is reliant on her partner or family picking him up etc. She agreed to have overnight stays, so I suggested that during school term time, she could have him Friday evening, through til Saturday evening or Sunday morning alternating weekends (this coincides with my pick up time for my two older children). During term holidays, she could have him Wednesday evening, through til Saturday or Sunday.

Initially she was in agreement, and then she asked me to reconsider. Which I couldn't agree to, because this has been an ongoing situation since September 22, and when would the next time be that she is demanding I have him full time?

During half term just gone, she asked when she could have him, I said Tuesday if she liked as I work local to her and could drop him off, and pick him back up after, then from Wednesday evening until Sunday morning, she was happy with this, and then I received a text message on the Saturday evening stating that she wouldn't be allowing me to pick him up the following morning.

I have now applied to the courts for;
a child arrangements order, to enforce the time my son spends with the both of us, I have asked for full custody, and at the very least he is with me 50/50 to coincide with my older children.

a prohibited steps order, to prevent the constant messages I receive from her, asking that she only contacts me if it's a serious issue regarding my son

a specific order, to ask the courts to allow me to change his school should he live with me full time.

The court hearing is Wednesday 19th July 2023. I am representing myself, I simply cannot afford a lawyer or solicitor.

I am expecting her to say,

I have had 2 relationships since I have been in contact with my son. One of which is my current partner who I have been with for 6 months, and have lived with for 3 months.

I didn't have anything to do with him for 4 years. Which I have explained above.

My questions,

How do I submit evidence to the courts, do I need to send it in before the hearing? As I stated I have the messages from day one, from her refusing me to be at the registration, to the apology email regarding the false accusation, all up until recently.

When do I refer to my evidence in court?

And any other advice please?

I am really upset about the current situation, but I am confident of at least having my son back 50/50 by the end of it.
 
Hi. Have you submitted the C100 yet? I'm happy to check over the form and wording - wording can be quite important as it can be influential. Cafcass read the initial application. Terms like "custody" aren't used at court any more (neither is "residency") it's a "lives with" order.

Unfortunately you can't send any evidence at this stage or with the C100. The process is:

1) MIAM sign off after mediation (this needs including in the C100 form or the application will be rejected.
2) Application submitted
3 Application approved at court and passed to Cafcass
4) Your court papers returned in the post along with an order to say what happens next (in your ex's case this will also be accompanied by a C7 response form so she can respond to your application.
5) A letter or email from Cafcass (may come before court papers sometimes) asking you to confirm your identity, then a second email or letter from Cafcass with an appointment day and time for a phone interview. DON'T miss this appointment time!
6) A bit of waiting for the Cafcass letter/report to be sent out.
7) Either a gatekeeping hearing or an FHDRA (first hearing). A gatekeeping hearing is without parents present to decide if it should go to a first hearing or if something else should happen. This is quite common these days to have a gateeping hearing first - supposedly more efficient for court time.
8) A wait for a first hearing.

Before the first hearing you can send a "position statement" but no evidence. This updates the situation since application and in this you can ask for an interim order.

There is more but that will probably do for now. At the first hearing there is opportunity to reach agreement for a consent order (not that common). If no agreement then interim time can be ordered until the next hearing. If the ex refuses or makes allegations against you it may only be supervised time. It could go directly to a final hearing then (this is when you can present evidence in a full statement), or if there are a lot of issues, the court ma y order Cafcass to do a section 7 report at the first hearing (a more in depth interview with Cafcass and some checks) which would delay a final hearing date. If your ex makes a lot of allegations, these may be dismissed at the first hearing, or the court might order a fact find hearing.

A straightforward case though would be first hearing, possibly mediation ordered then final hearing.

It's really important to avoid making allegations about the ex in your application as then it's more likely there'll be a fact find or they will find there is "conflict between parents" and when Cafcass say that they usually give the child to one parent to keep them out of the conflict, and minimal or no time to the other parent. And sadly they are biased towards Mothers. I have never heard of Cafcass recommending a child lives with the Father unless the Mother has been arrested for drug or alcohol offences eg. But they can recommend 50/50 shared care - depending on the circumstances.

So the mantras throughout the process are.

Keep everything child focused - especially terminology
Don't say anything negative about the ex - focus on circumstances, situations and nothing directly negative about her
Come across as the calm, reasonable one throughout

It's a bizarre process. As far as Cafcass are concerned, a good Dad is one who doesn't say anything bad about the Mother as then they think co parenting is possible. They expect Mothers to say bad things about Dads but may dismiss it if Dad comes across well.


As for your son. It is not great for him. He has bounced around a lot. He didn't see you for nearly four years, then lived with you most of the time and established a family life with you and has now been whisked away again. This could affect him in a number of ways. So the key point to argue for in an application is - stability and certainty for the child.
 
Ash said:
Hi. Have you submitted the C100 yet? I'm happy to check over the form and wording - wording can be quite important as it can be influential. Cafcass read the initial application. Terms like "custody" aren't used at court any more (neither is "residency") it's a "lives with" order.

Unfortunately you can't send any evidence at this stage or with the C100. The process is:

1) MIAM sign off after mediation (this needs including in the C100 form or the application will be rejected.
2) Application submitted
3 Application approved at court and passed to Cafcass
4) Your court papers returned in the post along with an order to say what happens next (in your ex's case this will also be accompanied by a C7 response form so she can respond to your application.
5) A letter or email from Cafcass (may come before court papers sometimes) asking you to confirm your identity, then a second email or letter from Cafcass with an appointment day and time for a phone interview. DON'T miss this appointment time!
6) A bit of waiting for the Cafcass letter/report to be sent out.
7) Either a gatekeeping hearing or an FHDRA (first hearing). A gatekeeping hearing is without parents present to decide if it should go to a first hearing or if something else should happen. This is quite common these days to have a gateeping hearing first - supposedly more efficient for court time.
8) A wait for a first hearing.

Before the first hearing you can send a "position statement" but no evidence. This updates the situation since application and in this you can ask for an interim order.

There is more but that will probably do for now. At the first hearing there is opportunity to reach agreement for a consent order (not that common). If no agreement then interim time can be ordered until the next hearing. If the ex refuses or makes allegations against you it may only be supervised time. It could go directly to a final hearing then (this is when you can present evidence in a full statement), or if there are a lot of issues, the court ma y order Cafcass to do a section 7 report at the first hearing (a more in depth interview with Cafcass and some checks) which would delay a final hearing date. If your ex makes a lot of allegations, these may be dismissed at the first hearing, or the court might order a fact find hearing.

A straightforward case though would be first hearing, possibly mediation ordered then final hearing.

It's really important to avoid making allegations about the ex in your application as then it's more likely there'll be a fact find or they will find there is "conflict between parents" and when Cafcass say that they usually give the child to one parent to keep them out of the conflict, and minimal or no time to the other parent. And sadly they are biased towards Mothers. I have never heard of Cafcass recommending a child lives with the Father unless the Mother has been arrested for drug or alcohol offences eg. But they can recommend 50/50 shared care - depending on the circumstances.

So the mantras throughout the process are.

Keep everything child focused - especially terminology
Don't say anything negative about the ex - focus on circumstances, situations and nothing directly negative about her
Come across as the calm, reasonable one throughout

It's a bizarre process. As far as Cafcass are concerned, a good Dad is one who doesn't say anything bad about the Mother as then they think co parenting is possible. They expect Mothers to say bad things about Dads but may dismiss it if Dad comes across well.


As for your son. It is not great for him. He has bounced around a lot. He didn't see you for nearly four years, then lived with you most of the time and established a family life with you and has now been whisked away again. This could affect him in a number of ways. So the key point to argue for in an application is - stability and certainty for the child.
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Hi,

Thank you for your reply.

I have already submitted the c100, I haven't made any allegations as such, just stating what the mother has been sending me in messages and how we have came to this stage.

Thanks for the advice, I am trying to be the reasonable and calm one, but I am also trying to emphasise on the fact that she has taken him out of a routine that was working, and asking me to have him full time etc, then once I have agreed and put a plan in place, has taken him away from me through no fault of my own, but only agreeing to what she has been asking for for the past 10 months or so?
 
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