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Jay.uk2231

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I've got a dispute first hearing case on the 7th October and just finished having a Cafcass assesment and received the outcome it's made me sick with some lies anyway

I've not wrote my statement out yet as I was told the deadline is this Friday by her Solictor , sadly I'm representing myself I've tried to get help from the local place(Clock) but they've only just gone back to uni for training after the holidays so was unable to help me due to the time and date deadlines

Can anyone recommend any help I'm. Ot very good at wording stuff and I'm worried this is going to against me and can I reply to the cafcass statement now or at a later date

I'm truly lost and scared I'm a good dad but only turned into a bad dad once rhe relationship broke down... I'm sure many can relate

Please help anyone
 
Jay.uk2231 said:
I'm truly lost and scared I'm a good dad but only turned into a bad dad once rhe relationship broke down..
Click to expand...
What makes you say you're a bad dad?
Do you mean you've become a bad person because behaviour due to the break up?
We can help on here with writing a position statement.
 
Peanut 21 said:
What makes you say you're a bad dad?
Do you mean you've become a bad person because behaviour due to the break up?
We can help on here with writing a position statement.
Click to expand...
Sorry I meant she would always agree I was a good dad etc but now we've broke up and she stopped me seeing my son she's throwing lies oit there making out my son wasn't safe etc
 
You can get free 30 minutes advice over the phone via a solicitor.

But this sounds urgent , in that you need a statement for Friday. However as this is just the first hearing , so it’s a question of not damaging your case and just getting through 7th.

If you give a little information.

What’s the history of you and kids ( ages , how long separated ). What’s current time you had with kids

What’s exes allegations ( what you refute)

What you want going forward regarding how often you see kids etc

That will kind off form bases of statement

What was caffcass report conclusions

It can be overwhelming bring LIP so key thing is to try use the statement as your bases for 7th. The first hearing is likely to be short but there are key things you want out of it ( interim contact ) and key things you want to avoid ( fact find).
 
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Jay.uk2231 said:
Sorry I meant she would always agree I was a good dad etc but now we've broke up and she stopped me seeing my son she's throwing lies oit there making out my son wasn't safe etc
Click to expand...
I've made mistakes in life but they were all before my son was born and ever since then had mental helsrh issues cause of the way rhe relationship was, she has a non mol against me not because of violence but abuse I given once she stopped me seeing my son which was a very common thing from day 1 till rhe last day she stopped me

I appealed the non mol on access to see my son during this appeal rhe judge said I could put people forward to help with drop offs etc so I could see my son (she lied and I have proof about rhe 2 people saying they weren't safe people and didnt know them) which they did
> after the appeal court date she sent one of her friends to one of rhe people's address I put forward (cause her friend knew them also)
> the 2nd person I put forward she stopped in the street scaring her and her 10 year old son speaking about me

Now she is using drugs against me saying my son went home smelling of cannabis (never happened and wasn't mentioned ever before even during rhe appeal to the non mol
 
mva said:
You can get free 30 minutes advice over the phone via a solicitor.

But this sounds urgent , in that you need a statement for Friday. However as this is just the first hearing , so it’s a question of not damaging your case and just getting through 7th.

If you give a little information.

What’s the history of you and kids ( ages , how long separated ). What’s current time you had with kids

What’s exes allegations ( what you refute)

What you want going forward regarding how often you see kids etc

That will kind off form bases of statement

What was caffcass report conclusions

It can be overwhelming bring LIP so key thing is to try use the statement as your bases for 7th. The first hearing is likely to be short but there are key things you want out of it ( interim contact ) and key things you want to avoid ( fact find).
Click to expand...
Cafcass have said they want to do assessments, drug tests (due to false accusations) and grt in touch with my doctor

How do I word stuff when it is against the cafcass report and false information I don't want to sound bitter but it's left me feeling sick and I don't want my anger to come put on it (if thag makes sense lol)
 
mva said:
So when did you last spend time with your kids

What contact with your son would you like going forward
Click to expand...
Last time I seen my son was July 2023 2 weeks before the non mol become active, unappealed it and went to court to try get access my ex lied in court and judge recommended a contact centre and I did apply but my ex went to the contact centre telling them my mh issues they didn't think it was best timing
Since then I've had no updates, pictures and has stopped all my side of the family also

I'd like weekly contact I know this isn't likely and updates on my son health education and holiday times
 
Sounds like you might have to jump through hoops. They can be knocked down one at a time. Exes solicitor will prob highlight Drugs and MH.

Drugs - take the test and prove that you are drug free ( if you are)

Mental health- letter from GP outlining diagnosis and treatment.

The key thing is to push for contact. Arguing there is no reason not to at least have supervised contact in the interim.

You will probably calmly have to explain why contact hadn’t happened for a year.

The general advise is to not slag of the ex or make allegations against her.

Try and forget what happened with ex in the past and focus on time with your son.

Your basically saying that although you might have had MH and drug issues in the past you are looking for a relationship with your son etc etc.
 
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Ok so you've had a Cafcass letter full of ex's allegations. That is quite common - it doesn't mean Cafcass are saying they are true - they are just "reporting" what she said. The important bit is what it says at the end and what they recommend - which sounds like drug testing and GP letter as mva says.

I'm a little confused as to why you have to have a "statement" in by Friday if the upcoming hearing is an FHDRA (first hearing dispute resolution appointment). Are there court papers saying you need to submit something by Friday (and by the way don't trust what ex's solicitor tells you)? If so does it say "statement" or "position statement" - they are very different. I'm happy to help with a position statement - it's a good idea to do one of those before every hearing anyway. But before you go laying into Cafcass - read the report carefully again when you've got over the shock - to check what Cafcass are actually saying. The usual format is they "report" what the Mother has said during her phone interview (could be a load of allegations), they "report" what the Father has said (they usually put very little here). They then make some comments and recommendations for the court. This doesn't mean the Judge will follow all those recommendations but it's par for the course that you'll need to do a drug test and produce a GP letter and you can get on with those now. Others will have more info about the drug testing options.

If you wait till the hearing, it will probably be ordered to produce a drug test and GP letter - but that can cause delays as then they don't get submitted to the next hearing. If you can submit them before this upcoming hearing it could give a better chance of getting an interim order and also avoid a further hearing just to see the results.

You're likely to only get supervised time with your child at most, at the moment, until Cafcass have completed their investigations - which they have to do because ex made allegations. Does the Cafcass letter mention a Section 7 report?

Stay cool - it's one step at a time.
 
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Ash said:
Ok so you've had a Cafcass letter full of ex's allegations. That is quite common - it doesn't mean Cafcass are saying they are true - they are just "reporting" what she said. The important bit is what it says at the end and what they recommend - which sounds like drug testing and GP letter as mva says.

I'm a little confused as to why you have to have a "statement" in by Friday if the upcoming hearing is an FHDRA (first hearing dispute resolution appointment). Are there court papers saying you need to submit something by Friday (and by the way don't trust what ex's solicitor tells you)? If so does it say "statement" or "position statement" - they are very different. I'm happy to help with a position statement - it's a good idea to do one of those before every hearing anyway. But before you go laying into Cafcass - read the report carefully again when you've got over the shock - to check what Cafcass are actually saying. The usual format is they "report" what the Mother has said during her phone interview (could be a load of allegations), they "report" what the Father has said (they usually put very little here). They then make some comments and recommendations for the court. This doesn't mean the Judge will follow all those recommendations but it's par for the course that you'll need to do a drug test and produce a GP letter and you can get on with those now. Others will have more info about the drug testing options.

If you wait till the hearing, it will probably be ordered to produce a drug test and GP letter - but that can cause delays as then they don't get submitted to the next hearing. If you can submit them before this upcoming hearing it could give a better chance of getting an interim order and also avoid a further hearing just to see the results.

You're likely to only get supervised time with your child at most, at the moment, until Cafcass have completed their investigations - which they have to do because ex made allegations. Does the Cafcass letter mention a Section 7 report?

Stay cool - it's one step at a time.
Click to expand...
Yes it mentions a section 7 is that bad?.
 
Jay.uk2231 said:
I've got a dispute first hearing case on the 7th October and just finished having a Cafcass assesment and received the outcome it's made me sick with some lies anyway

I've not wrote my statement out yet as I was told the deadline is this Friday by her Solictor , sadly I'm representing myself I've tried to get help from the local place(Clock) but they've only just gone back to uni for training after the holidays so was unable to help me due to the time and date deadlines

Can anyone recommend any help I'm. Ot very good at wording stuff and I'm worried this is going to against me and can I reply to the cafcass statement now or at a later date

I'm truly lost and scared I'm a good dad but only turned into a bad dad once rhe relationship broke down... I'm sure many can relate

Please help anyone
Click to expand...

If LIP then you stay in touch on phone with free legal support called “SupportThroughCourt” charity (google it) and of course in here.

From my own experience, it is almost impossible to ignore false allegations and you may feel to respond to every single one.

But the burden of proof is on the accuser.
If it is a lie then you could say “That never happened” that's it and move on to the next one.
If something happened then explain the context behind it and tell your point of view story in brief in every statement.

Like Ash has been saying “ignore your ex entirely”. Its about your child, its a childcare arrangement case so focus on talking about that and keep it very short responses about the ex.

what are the recommendations in the Cafcass report? Recommendation part is the most important and this is what the Judge will look at. Everything else above is just he said she said things.

Can you share the exact points from the recommendations section?
 
Jay.uk2231 said:
I've made mistakes in life but they were all before my son was born and ever since then had mental helsrh issues cause of the way rhe relationship was, she has a non mol against me not because of violence but abuse I given once she stopped me seeing my son which was a very common thing from day 1 till rhe last day she stopped me

I appealed the non mol on access to see my son during this appeal rhe judge said I could put people forward to help with drop offs etc so I could see my son (she lied and I have proof about rhe 2 people saying they weren't safe people and didnt know them) which they did
> after the appeal court date she sent one of her friends to one of rhe people's address I put forward (cause her friend knew them also)
> the 2nd person I put forward she stopped in the street scaring her and her 10 year old son speaking about me

Now she is using drugs against me saying my son went home smelling of cannabis (never happened and wasn't mentioned ever before even during rhe appeal to the non mol
Click to expand...
What kind of drug tests they are recommending?
If you did many months or years ago then it probably won't be in your system - I could be totally wrong about this.
Search which drug test they are talking about. Think about it even if there is a slight chance of it showing in the test result, then she will be shouting out loud about it in her every statement.

I would go somewhere in private clinics and do the same tests before going to their recommended test centre or GP.

If you still do have a drug problem or occasional then you should be really honest and try to get help.
 
PunchingBag said:
What kind of drug tests they are recommending?
If you did many months or years ago then it probably won't be in your system - I could be totally wrong about this.
Search which drug test they are talking about. Think about it even if there is a slight chance of it showing in the test result, then she will be shouting out loud about it in her every statement.

I would go somewhere in private clinics and do the same tests before going to their recommended test centre or GP.

If you still do have a drug problem or occasional then you should be really honest and try to get help.
Click to expand...
She has mentioned use of cocaine which was once and before my son was born but mainly using cannabis as I have recently just stopped that but was smoking when getting together
 
PunchingBag said:
If LIP then you stay in touch on phone with free legal support called “SupportThroughCourt” charity (google it) and of course in here.

From my own experience, it is almost impossible to ignore false allegations and you may feel to respond to every single one.

But the burden of proof is on the accuser.
If it is a lie then you could say “That never happened” that's it and move on to the next one.
If something happened then explain the context behind it and tell your point of view story in brief in every statement.

Like Ash has been saying “ignore your ex entirely”. Its about your child, its a childcare arrangement case so focus on talking about that and keep it very short responses about the ex.

what are the recommendations in the Cafcass report? Recommendation part is the most important and this is what the Judge will look at. Everything else above is just he said she said things.

Can you share the exact points from the recommendations section?
Click to expand...
They are suggesting a section 7 report but I believe there only doing that cause of my past issues before my son was born and mental health issues that have only been worse during the relationship with my ex partner
 
Section 7 is pretty standard in a lot of cases. It's a further Cafcass report in a bit more detail with a longer conversation with each parent - sometimes face to face, sometimes a home visit, sometimes on the phone. However, when Cafcass recommend a Section 7 on their safeguarding letter, it doesn't necessarily happen. It's usually "advice" or guidance to the Judge. But you can bet your ex's solicitor will be pushing for a section 7 - because it causes delays and they will say - no time with the kids until after section 7. So you need to argue that there is no reason not to have supervised time with the kids and your argument will be helped if you have a GP letter and drug test results to produce at that hearing.
 
Jay.uk2231 said:
They are suggesting a section 7 report but I believe there only doing that cause of my past issues before my son was born and mental health issues that have only been worse during the relationship with my ex partner
Click to expand...
If a section 7 is ordered at the next hearing, it's your opportunity to win Cafcass over.
 
Jay.uk2231 said:
She has mentioned use of cocaine which was once and before my son was born but mainly using cannabis as I have recently just stopped that but was smoking when getting together
Click to expand...
Maybe search online for how long it stays in your system. Is it Urine, Saliva or Hair sample? What type of test?
This drug test report is really important for your case.

I would accept all the recommendations whatever it is because if you dont then it will just cause more delays. You have to reach to the final hearing asap without any delays and stay in touch with your child in whichever way they are recomending.

Before the final hearing are mostly all directions hearing where the Judges will decide what kind of evidence is needed for the final hearing.

If there is NMO then deal with it in the final hearing, they will probably not discharge it now.

You can get direct access barristers if you can and try to use the same barrister for all the hearings. Their fees are from £600 to £1500+ for each hearings, they will represent you and also maybe prepare your position statements.

You are learning and fighting at the same time so the more free help you find is better for you for the final hearing.

Try to be very polite with everyone I know its not easy and this process is irritating. Specially your ex-solicitor will try to provoke you or mislead you and then apologise in the court.
 
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Jay.uk2231 said:
They are suggesting a section 7 report but I believe there only doing that cause of my past issues before my son was born and mental health issues that have only been worse during the relationship with my ex partner
Click to expand...
Mental health issue is reported to the GP? How do you know you have mental health issues?
If there is a report then it could probably help in getting legal aid. Maybe check your eligibility by calling the legal aid phone support.

In most cases, the ex-wife/partner will start with NMO with some false accusations to get legal aid and just sit back. After that, some legal aid solicitor will take over her drama to the next level.
 
Firstly, calm yourself, all of the things you mention here are pretty much typical of what goes on. Just about everyone on this forum has had lies and stuff thrown at them for court, false allegations , arrests , mud slinging, it's all pretty typical.
Here's the thing - the court pretty much rises above the noise and isn't interested. Drugs ? they may ask for a hair strand test, or might just ignore it. My ex claims I drink 60 bottles of wine a month, but even CAFCASS laughed it off and an alcohol test was never requested.
They are not interested in battles with your ex , just what to do for the kids, don't fall into the trap of fighting back with retaliation.
So a few things, calm down, deep breath, it's a long journey.
Concentrate on your children, not your ex. Don't retaliate, this just looks like you're in conflict with your ex - and that wont have a good outcome, as they don't want kids stuck in the middle of a battle. Leave it one sided, it makes you look responsible and adult and your ex looks like a child and unreasonable.
So , rise above the noise and focus on your children, its all you need to do.

Section 7 report , is pretty normal, its not an accusation, in fact, it is your chance to shine and can be a powerful report that can help you, provided your prepare and learn the dos and donts of CAFCASS interviews.
 
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