Havent seen my children in a week and don't know where they are

[2023market]

All help and advice welcome



My ex and I separated a week ago. She requested she come and get our children I agreed. She came with her family, stormed the house, assaulted me and her sister took the kids without my permission. I got this on film and have reported to the police who issued a community order against the family. She will not tell me where they are living. She says she can only contact me on email in the evenings and all other contact will be ignore. She has blocked me from contacting her. I have had 2 successful facetime calls with my children who seem fine. She has now said her phone is broken and she cannot videocall again until its fixed. SS have been involved and said the children are fine. Shes taken 20K from our joint account. Wont let me see my children as she is scared she wont get them back? No history of violence, drug, alcohol etc.



Police are just doing nothing. I have a lawyer, will apply for a court order but I just want to see my kids!! How can I make this happen. She is being so unreasonable and is acting extremely irrational!



Im so desperate for help here

 

[Ash]

Hi. Really sorry to hear this. Get the solicitor to write her a letter saying she must let you see the children and the children should have regular time with both parents. And suggest how this should happen. Eg Friday for the week-end until 6pm and Wednesday nights from school until the next morning. And you expect to collect them on Friday from school. And confirm they will be returned 6pm Sunday. And please can she confirm agreement. If the solicitor is good it should not be a heavy threatening email but more of a pleasant one to make arrangements.

And from now on - be careful - so you're not accused of anything, if she feels under threat. False allegations. I would not try and contact her directly or she may accuse you of harrassment. Maybe a family member of yours could contact her? But for now - get a solicitor's letter sent.

 

[2023market]

Ive tried. Solicitor has sent what id like and she said she needs time to get legal advice and cannot commit until she has this but wont give a time frame. How long am i supposed to wait? Can anything else be done?

 

[Ash]

Ok I would have a MIAM then. Google mediators in the area, phone round them and get an early appointment. Tell them it's urgent and you might get one within 24 hours (may be in person or via videocall). The MIAM is the first mediation appointment you have on your own - it's a legal requirement for applying to court. The mediator will then invite your ex to attend the next session. She probably won't so then you get signed off and submit a C100 to court. You won't need the solicitor for the application - we can help with that - it's fairly straightforward but the wording for what you're asking for is important - start as you mean to go on. IMO it's better if it's in your own words.

So don't go spending a fortune on solicitors if it's not going to achieve anything (which is likely). Use them as and when needed. You could say to them I don't want to instruct you further at the moment while I try mediation, but may need to instruct you again. Keep the bills down.

 

[Kyle]

I can imagine you're feeling pretty rubbish right now, tense, anxious, and very stressed. Don't forget to look after yourself too. There is a route to follow, as we all know.

• You've spoken to the kids, they seem fine.
• Children's Services, I assume, have completed a referral, they have no concerns about the kids welfare.

So two critical pluses there. The kids are ok.

If she's put the shutter's up to you, there doesn't seem to be much else to do but follow the Family Law route with a view to ask the Family Court for a Child Arrangements Order.

The Police, typically, won't act as this is a civil matter. But a mother cannot legally stop a father from spending time with his children, and the courts won't either, unless there are welfare risks:

• Domestic Abuse
• Drug/Alcohol Abuse
• Criminal Activity
• Any other behaviour that could put children at risk of harm

The above list is well documented amongst mothers hell-bent on destroying a fathers relationship with his children out of spite and vengeance and will make allegations against the father based on this list in order to drag a father through the Family Court process. It is up to the courts to decide, based on facts and evidence, if these allegations are true or not. There are no consequences for lying in the Family Court like there is in the Criminal Courts, so the hope from the mother is that the father breaks, and gives up.

If allegations of welfare risk fall short, the Family Court will look at the dispute and get the two of you to reach a Parenting Agreement, if you can't agree, they will make the decision for you, and issue a Child Arrangements Order.

It's really important that you take a breath here and don't let your strained emotions make you behave irrationally. The kids are ok. That's the most important thing. Don't do anything that could be used to discredit you.

As it stands it is she and her family who entered your property, assaulted you and took the children. A judge or magistrate issues a Community Order so I assume they were arrested and have been issued with an Exclusion Order to prevent them going anywhere near your home for 2 years.

Find a Mediator in your area: https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/find-local-mediator/

Ask for a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). This is just between you and the Mediator to discuss your issue. This typically costs around £170, area depending.

The Mediator will ask you if you want to extend the offer to Mediate with your ex where the Mediator will act as the middle-man and coordinate the discussion. This may bring the ex to the discussion table or she might realise you're laying the foundations for legal action and put the shutters up higher.

If she refuses to mediate, the Mediator will issue you with a certificate of proof that you've attempted mediation, as this is a prerequisite before a court from C100 Application For a Child Arrangements Order can be submitted, as the certificate number and Mediators details must go on the C100.

Court Form C100: https://assets.publishing.service.g...tachment_data/file/1092828/C100_0722_save.pdf

Take it easy and one step at a time. We're always here to help.