Have i been gifted a golden egg potentially?

[Needsmust]

So for the last decade and a bit i have been living with this draconian Mesher Order in place, which is a situation that i found myself in after a couple of years fighting for residency and eventually getting the court to issue SRO, that rare order issued before the creation of the family court.

This has all surfaced again due to the crazy mother of my children seeking and getting herself a NMO against myself, all completely a fabrication and very colourful and in most part without any context whatsoever?? So i am now restrained and under an NMO, was not offered an undertaking at the hearing, so i was wondering if i could ask you a few questions relating to NMO’s, appealing said NMO & whether it is actually worth it?

Also need some advice with regards to this Mesher order & whether or not i actually have one….stupid i know?? Also advice on trusts and TOLATA claims, which i am now considering because it is looking like the ex is stacking her cards for future litigation.

It surrounds potential contempt of court (TOLATA), mortgage fraud, financial abuse, coercive control, discrimination, child abuse, perjury & other associated mis truths, all committed by the wonderful mother of my wonderful children.

Apologies once again if this is not in the appropriate section? I just wasn’t sure where to post it?? As it is so encompassing, honestly I don’t know where to start!

Regards NM

 

[mva]

Non mol order.

You have/ had opportunity to contest the non mol

You usually only have 21 days to put in an appeal post non mol hearing

 

[Ash]

Are you still getting to see your kids? Whatever you do, don't breach the Non Mol. Even if your ex contacts you and wants to chat - it could be a trap to get you arrested for breaching the Non Mol. You can go to prison if you breach it.

It seems odd she's done this after about a decade. If you've had a mesher order that long then you must have separated a long time ago and presumably have Child Arrangements sorted as well?

So assume you're actually divorced yes? And all finanancials dealt with a decade ago. Is it the situation that your kids are now of an age where the mesher order doesn't apply and it's about trying to sell a property?

Also you can get a free half hour's legal advice with a solicitor or three.

 

[Needsmust]

Non mol order.

You have/ had opportunity to contest the non mol

You usually only have 21 days to put in an appeal post non mol hearing

I was issued with an ex-parte application by the ex on 2nd December, with a hearing scheduled for 23rd December. I attended the hearing, was given two options, take the non mol or contest it?

No offer of an undertaking at all. Not happy about the non mol being issued as it is based on 4 pages of historical abuse from 2012 for which i was NFA by the local constabulary at the time, plus four pages of very colourful interactions which did occur over the last 3/4 months, but are totally out of context, totally embellished to fit her narrative.

I did not submit any evidence for the hearing on the 23rd as i was convinced that i would be offered an undertaking, but now have a non mol with an attachment of arrest, all based on the four pages of lies entered into evidence by the ex, which is a retaliation to my being in the FMH with my children, which she can do nothing about.

So she has now resorted to throwing around false accusations to fit her narrative of being a poor fragile woman in fear of her life, which couldn’t be further from the truth, as she is in a relationship with a new man, never at the house when i drop or collect the kids, so my being in the house started to annoy her as she had asked me to not be there when she wasn’t?

Now i am controlling or coearsing my children to let me into FMH, because when i collect the door is locked and kids say not allowed in, fine…will wait on the drive. Then parking on the drive was threatening her so she asked me not too, so i parked on the road, which she is now not happy that i pull up outside the house, so the issue of a non mol has achieved what she wanted, me not going to the house.

At the same time she applied for an occupation order, the judge refused to entertain because the ex had not asked the mortgage company for their permission, so the judge was unable to deal with the occupation order.
This is where my ears pricked up and took notice, because if the ex has to get the agreement of the mortgage company to facilitate the issue of a occupation order, why did she not have to do this in 2012?

Now consider that the FMH is subject to a Buy To Let mortgage since 2007, when she obtained a Mesher in 2012 ( or she won residence).
I was instructed by the court to transfer my share into her sole name. All transfer papers came through and not in her sole name so i refused to sign the TR1 form, telling the ex we have to sell then…..
What i was recieved with an email telling me that i was in contempt of court & that i needed to sign the transfer papers, and that if i did not then she would continue enjoying paying the interest only portion of the mortgage, some 250 per month……oh and that she had taken advice & now changed the locks on the FMH seeing as i was not allowed to be there anymore.

So in essence, barred me from entering my own property by changing the locks, never followed the courts transfer into her sole name, has lived in the property for the last 12 years (9 years with partner) whilst being in breach of the T&C’s, saved herself 100k in not having to pay rent, as she has effectively been the tenant therefore meaning that the potential rental over 12 yrs of 125k has disappeared, with her effectively paying only 23k to live in the property for the last 12 years…..is that not fraud in some way or description?

Roll forwards to today and new partner for the last 2 years, kids are 20 & 18….she has been spending half her week at the new fellas place, so kids effectively on their own half the week.
I was made homeless start of last year so had no where to take the kids, started driving to other places, eat out etc….after several months it became the norm for me to cook dinner at the house, feed kids and then leave to go and sleep on a friends sofa
Ex started getting weird saying I can’t be in there etc…..but you’re not here why is it a problem? All i am doing is feeding the kids - to which she replied oh yeah you owe me some money for the use of the electric oven?? WTAF?!

Then started all the shenanigans about not being in the house, drive, road, area of the property……personally i think it is a deliberate attempt to yet again throw around DV and that way she doesn’t have to deal with me or the property, which frankly after 12 years of taking the absolute piss and now basically going to extreme lengths of fabricating stuff up to fit her narrative, yet again get me removed from my own property for doing nothing other than spending time with my kids, feeding them and then leaving the property, even though I have every right to be there.

 

[Ash]

Thanks for all the explanations. I can see it from an outside point of view Whilst it is a buy to let property and you are a part owner (and became homeless - which is where it gets really awful and serious - I was shocked) - she has been given permission to live there and for the last 12 years considers it her home - as you're separated. So normal boundaries would dictate that neither of you goes inside each other's home, without being invited.

So of course she was going to kick off if you were staying and feeding the kids while she wasn't there - unfortunately. She would also have felt threatened that the kids were ok with this.

In terms of not being offered an undertaking - that isn't in their interests - I think normally you would have to argue for an undertaking. But some Judges won't budge anyway.

I'm not much up on divorce finances, but a mesher order is where she is allowed to stay in tbe house until the youngest is 18 isn't it?

And it sounds like that should have ended by now, due to the ages of the kids. I suspect this is what has kicked everything off - you getting more relaxed about being there when she wasn't and her try to get an occupation order.

I am really sorry for the loss of income over the years and the fact you are now homeless. Assume you have a friend or relative to stay with? Are you working?

I think the NMO is a separate issue to the legalities regarding the house. Yes it keeps you away from the house, but presumably you are still able to contact the kids directly, and still able to legally call for the house to be sold.

I'm also a little confused as to why you had to sign over your share to her? Normally there is a split of capital - either 50/50 or 70.30 etc.

 

[Unknown01]

This was not a Mesher Order. The order was a transfer to your ex-wife and she would presumably have been subject to a best endeavours clause to release you from the mortgage. There may have been a charge back on the property too, whereby you would register a charge against the property for payment at a later date (somewhat similar to a mortgage in fact and you would be on the same charges register as the mortgage company if you did indeed get a chargeback).

What I would recommend you do now is get a solicitor to review the original order and then - if you are still stuck on a mortgage on the property or owed any money - have the solicitor write a letter to the ex explaining she must release you immediately, pay you if relevant and if not the matter will be taken to court. The children are adults now, if she cannot release you/pay you then she will be forced to sell.

 

[Ash]

Thanks Unknown01. Just to add you can get a free half hour's legal advice from a solicitor. They sometimes allow longer than half an hour, and you can do the same thing with two or three solicitors, and see which one seems to talk the most sense/is most proactive. Whilst your ex probably does have the right to stop you going to "her" home - your situation is unusual if you didn't have a home to take the kids to - but it was perhaps unwise to go there without her agreement - even if it was to spend time with your kids.

How are you fixed for getting things back on track with housing in the future? Are you working at all? The fact it was a buy to let property and mortgage sounds complicated, as technically, neither of you should be living in it in that case, but I can only assume the court awarded the house to her and she resolved the mortgage aspect with the mortgage company.

With a mesher order, the house remains in the name of both parties. Is that the case? Or was it transferred into your ex's name as part of a court ruling?

 

[Needsmust]

Are you still getting to see your kids? Whatever you do, don't breach the Non Mol. Even if your ex contacts you and wants to chat - it could be a trap to get you arrested for breaching the Non Mol. You can go to prison if you breach it.

It seems odd she's done this after about a decade. If you've had a mesher order that long then you must have separated a long time ago and presumably have Child Arrangements sorted as well?

So assume you're actually divorced yes? And all finanancials dealt with a decade ago. Is it the situation that your kids are now of an age where the mesher order doesn't apply and it's about trying to sell a property?

Also you can get a free half hour's legal advice with a solicitor or three.

Still getting to see the kids occasionally, but there has been a noticeable drop in overnight stays, plus half of holidays is not being honoured any longer. In part due to me being homeless for five Ish months & even now after living in new place the kids will not entertain staying here over night, insisting on going home to th FMH, where we would always find the place empty, which always kinda broke me a little, hence me staying there with them when the evil witch isn’t about….which hasn’t been very often due to the new fella etc….

This is the problem, as i am not even sure i have a Mesher Order? Sounds daft i know, or just incredibly incompetent solicitors/barristers??
Some dozen or thereabouts years ago did the whole children act carcass etc….culminating in clean break order being made and ultimately never followed or implemented.
Two added complications, she refused to pay me for my half, and then added another party to the mortgage offer, when it was to be in her sole name, so the whole order was never followed, i never transferred any property, i never recieved any money, she has continued to live in the property whilst in breach of the current BTL mortgage.

If it had been rented it would’ve achieved 125k, as it stands she has paid the interest only for twelve years, some 25k. So in my view there has to be some equitable accounting done, and obviously in her view i can go do one and gladly take the 10k what the court order states is my share as a percentage of the equity some 14 years ago…..obviously my mind cannot understand why a barrister would potentially write me out of any equity i am legally and rightfully entilted too.

For reference it matters because whilst she has lived there and had first partner for a decade, both of them working full time, refusing to acknowledge that they are doing anything wrong, morally or ethically, both selling properties each and living in a BTL fffs?…..whilst i am disabled, unable to work, except from home, been in receipt of benefits last six years so not contributing anymore to the mum for CMS, found myself homeless, then eventually find a place, kid wont stay here so I start spending time at the FMH….shot down in flames by the false NMO by psycho ex whom now s onto partner number two, and its like history repeating itself……i know exactly how this could potentially play out & if it is anything like last time i should probably just leave the county.

So? TOLATA anybody? Struggling massively with PTSD and stressing the fuck out, because how can a woman just make stuff up & get a non mol…the world has gone mad!!

Does anybody have any experience with the court directions or family procedure rule book at all?

Sorry for this turning into a mini essay!!
NM