After 16 years of marriage , Ex took the kids out of matrimonial house two years ago allegeing domestic abuse and me being flight risk and she being intimated by me. She herself has had a very traumatic childhood . She and her brothers were actually abusing me. There was a safeguarding matter about her teen nephew who was touching my young daughter for which I had covert recordings as she was hiding it which I presented to court . After 18 months of proceeding and Fact finding the court did not find my allegation and only considered me with controlling behaviour because of recording and evidence I had presented to safeguard my kid . I could only see my kids supervised from separation on weekend until fact finding and after that until section 7 report be sent . Her nephew was also not allowed any contact with my daughter until fact finding . at the end cafcass found me a good loving father and her not being afraid of me . Cafcass recommended supervision to be removed and living with me for three nights one weekend and one night on alternate week. Then ex agreed to have mediation and before final court we agreed on mediation to have the child arrangement as cafcass report said and we also reached a financial agreement for divorce . The court agreed with our child arrangement mediation Agreement and it was sealed . Then before financial first hearing she demanded more terms in two occasion to which I agreed , just to finish this and avoid more legal expenses .
To give a background : We have one flat with a tenant who does not go out and one tiny flat which is not suitable for us to live in and is vacant . We both are renting where we live .
I have been working as self employed and in my own company .
She worked part time in our marriage but since separation full time with good income as a self employed but also receiving universal credit and child benefit as she is hiding income. She did some disgusting things like going to food bank to show she was struggling . She still says she is working hard to meet the ends . Her real income should be around minimum £5K a month . But she is not declaring it to continue receiving UC.
The value of flats after mortgage would be around £250 K and there will costs to evict tenant , refurbish and sell them including Capital gain tax and agency fees around £40 K at least . I have been paying both mortgages, service charges and insurances repairs etc by myself around £4000 a month , I have been covering kids private insurances , extra curricular activities etc for £800 a month and on and off paying her child maintenance decided by CMA . I have few thousands arrear for CM payment . I spent £350K legal costs so far ( I know I am ripped off but it is what it is now ) and £25 K contact centre cost and I had to borrow £220K from colleagues, friends and family to survive . I could not pay my taxes. We both had taken bounce back loan and one year before separation she sent me her £50K BB loan to me as we were going to buy a business . We spent some of the BB loan for buying the business and to buy the tiny flat to be used in that business . But it did not go through as seller of business pulled out . She also would receive big inheritance asset in overseas worth of £110K as her mum died just one month before separation She is lying that she has no much inheritance .
I also have tax liability of over £70K
In our agreement which we signed when she realised my debts are so much and she may end up sharing liability rather value , she suddenly suggested that I take over flats and be responsible for my own debts and taxes to clear my debts , but if anything is left to share it 50/50 . I can also keep them and try to clear my debts and taxes gradually myself but any time I sell the flats after reducing whatever I paid for my debts , taxes and mortgages then whatever is left to share 50/50 .
And to have a clean cut .
She has been working full time and I am pretty sure she has gathered over £100K cash in hand or diverted to different undisclosed online bank or cash card account during this two years whilst on universal credit and I paying all family costs . And she is waiting for clean cut so then to liquidise her inheritance assets in overseas and bring it here to buy a house or business for herself with all the saving she had . She has not spent more than £20-30 K legal cost according to her E form .
After this first agreement , she again demanded £15000 extra as settlement which I agreed then again said no £20,000.
To finish this nonsense and avoid ridiculous legal costs I agreed again to give her £20K extra for arrears CM and settlement in two year instalment and give her a fixed monthly amount for CM whilst paying all tuitions and other things myself and subject to annual review by us . I started to pay monthly payments before she even honour our agreement . She was supposed to ask her solicitor to prepare financial consent order according to our signed agreement and ask CMA to stop collection . She now says she want CMA to be always in back ground which is one change of mind . CMA said to me to send them that signed agreement to consider . I have not done it yet and don’t know if I should ?
But most importantly she is now saying I should pay half of her legal cost too or ask my solicitor to prepare it at least because I am taking the flats . And she still has bounce back loan debt . I know BB loan is government guaranteed and does not even show on credit report and we may be able to write it off . My outgoing is over £4000 for family and £4-5000 for myself and my business; my income is not enough and I keep borrowing from my friends to cover legal costs . My legal cost is also the same or even more than her .
I said to her I cannot pay all these and also her legal cost as I have no trust my solicitor prepare it and charge me and she still sign it . She does not understand the flats are not money and I am in so much debts which has to be paid by selling them later and even that would not cover all my debts and taxes . i even ended up with a CCJ a few month ago for previous family solicitor claiming I owe her after I had cleared my account with them . I am dealing with it now to sign a tomlin order to remove it from my credit report but I really did not have money to even pay their unjust claim and was amid family court order with costs from my new solicitor etc .
I suggested we calculate both legal costs incurred after signing agreement and then share costs 50/50 if she thinks she is only paying costs for consent order. She first said she is tired and will pay her legal fee herself and will get it done then the next day she said what about her bounce back loan and she wants to not rush and seek legal advice . She keeps changing position and our adjourned hearing is due in a few months . The court order sealed to adjourn last hearing was under term and obligation that we must have sent the consent order one month ago but she has changed her position even though we signed a legally binding agreement . The final order for divorce is also ready to be lodged by her .
I really don’t know what to do with her unreliability . Now she is blaming me in mediation WhatsApp group for financial poor decisions . She does not understand that I was forced by herself to pay legal costs to be able to see my two very young kids who were suffering anxiety for not having me as we had a strong bond . She does not see that she enforced contact centre cost on me . I kept inviting her for mediation and she did not settle until cafcass recommendation came and she knew she has no chance to drag supervised contact to have upper hand for financial settlement . And now she is doing the same mistake by dragging it and changing her positions . She now says she wants to go to a financial mediator and have all papers on table . She knows all above and I suspect she wants to gather information from my side to know how much my current debts is to fabricate debt for herself. Or She might be a narcissist , borderline personality disorder or bipolar.
I really want it over , get on with evicting the tenant and selling the flats and paying my debts and get on with life . I want to have a clean break with her .
My question is what are my chances in the financial court ? What should I prepare from now ?
We have done E forms and questioniare but we did not answer each other as we reached agreement in mediation . Not I am again stuck because she keeps changing mind .
What would anyone who has a good idea about family court financial matters advise me to do.
Really grateful for your help .
To give a background : We have one flat with a tenant who does not go out and one tiny flat which is not suitable for us to live in and is vacant . We both are renting where we live .
I have been working as self employed and in my own company .
She worked part time in our marriage but since separation full time with good income as a self employed but also receiving universal credit and child benefit as she is hiding income. She did some disgusting things like going to food bank to show she was struggling . She still says she is working hard to meet the ends . Her real income should be around minimum £5K a month . But she is not declaring it to continue receiving UC.
The value of flats after mortgage would be around £250 K and there will costs to evict tenant , refurbish and sell them including Capital gain tax and agency fees around £40 K at least . I have been paying both mortgages, service charges and insurances repairs etc by myself around £4000 a month , I have been covering kids private insurances , extra curricular activities etc for £800 a month and on and off paying her child maintenance decided by CMA . I have few thousands arrear for CM payment . I spent £350K legal costs so far ( I know I am ripped off but it is what it is now ) and £25 K contact centre cost and I had to borrow £220K from colleagues, friends and family to survive . I could not pay my taxes. We both had taken bounce back loan and one year before separation she sent me her £50K BB loan to me as we were going to buy a business . We spent some of the BB loan for buying the business and to buy the tiny flat to be used in that business . But it did not go through as seller of business pulled out . She also would receive big inheritance asset in overseas worth of £110K as her mum died just one month before separation She is lying that she has no much inheritance .
I also have tax liability of over £70K
In our agreement which we signed when she realised my debts are so much and she may end up sharing liability rather value , she suddenly suggested that I take over flats and be responsible for my own debts and taxes to clear my debts , but if anything is left to share it 50/50 . I can also keep them and try to clear my debts and taxes gradually myself but any time I sell the flats after reducing whatever I paid for my debts , taxes and mortgages then whatever is left to share 50/50 .
And to have a clean cut .
She has been working full time and I am pretty sure she has gathered over £100K cash in hand or diverted to different undisclosed online bank or cash card account during this two years whilst on universal credit and I paying all family costs . And she is waiting for clean cut so then to liquidise her inheritance assets in overseas and bring it here to buy a house or business for herself with all the saving she had . She has not spent more than £20-30 K legal cost according to her E form .
After this first agreement , she again demanded £15000 extra as settlement which I agreed then again said no £20,000.
To finish this nonsense and avoid ridiculous legal costs I agreed again to give her £20K extra for arrears CM and settlement in two year instalment and give her a fixed monthly amount for CM whilst paying all tuitions and other things myself and subject to annual review by us . I started to pay monthly payments before she even honour our agreement . She was supposed to ask her solicitor to prepare financial consent order according to our signed agreement and ask CMA to stop collection . She now says she want CMA to be always in back ground which is one change of mind . CMA said to me to send them that signed agreement to consider . I have not done it yet and don’t know if I should ?
But most importantly she is now saying I should pay half of her legal cost too or ask my solicitor to prepare it at least because I am taking the flats . And she still has bounce back loan debt . I know BB loan is government guaranteed and does not even show on credit report and we may be able to write it off . My outgoing is over £4000 for family and £4-5000 for myself and my business; my income is not enough and I keep borrowing from my friends to cover legal costs . My legal cost is also the same or even more than her .
I said to her I cannot pay all these and also her legal cost as I have no trust my solicitor prepare it and charge me and she still sign it . She does not understand the flats are not money and I am in so much debts which has to be paid by selling them later and even that would not cover all my debts and taxes . i even ended up with a CCJ a few month ago for previous family solicitor claiming I owe her after I had cleared my account with them . I am dealing with it now to sign a tomlin order to remove it from my credit report but I really did not have money to even pay their unjust claim and was amid family court order with costs from my new solicitor etc .
I suggested we calculate both legal costs incurred after signing agreement and then share costs 50/50 if she thinks she is only paying costs for consent order. She first said she is tired and will pay her legal fee herself and will get it done then the next day she said what about her bounce back loan and she wants to not rush and seek legal advice . She keeps changing position and our adjourned hearing is due in a few months . The court order sealed to adjourn last hearing was under term and obligation that we must have sent the consent order one month ago but she has changed her position even though we signed a legally binding agreement . The final order for divorce is also ready to be lodged by her .
I really don’t know what to do with her unreliability . Now she is blaming me in mediation WhatsApp group for financial poor decisions . She does not understand that I was forced by herself to pay legal costs to be able to see my two very young kids who were suffering anxiety for not having me as we had a strong bond . She does not see that she enforced contact centre cost on me . I kept inviting her for mediation and she did not settle until cafcass recommendation came and she knew she has no chance to drag supervised contact to have upper hand for financial settlement . And now she is doing the same mistake by dragging it and changing her positions . She now says she wants to go to a financial mediator and have all papers on table . She knows all above and I suspect she wants to gather information from my side to know how much my current debts is to fabricate debt for herself. Or She might be a narcissist , borderline personality disorder or bipolar.
I really want it over , get on with evicting the tenant and selling the flats and paying my debts and get on with life . I want to have a clean break with her .
My question is what are my chances in the financial court ? What should I prepare from now ?
We have done E forms and questioniare but we did not answer each other as we reached agreement in mediation . Not I am again stuck because she keeps changing mind .
What would anyone who has a good idea about family court financial matters advise me to do.
Really grateful for your help .
