Guys, I’m FUMING

[Nujra Rof]

It’s almost 1am and every night I take my son’s monitor and soon to be ex wife takes daughters. Last two nights she keeps taking my son to sleep with her saying he’s not well. Granted he wasn’t one night and as I’m in the spare room sleeping on a single mattress and she’s on the big bed in our bedroom she took him. But just now he wasn’t coughing and she must have heard it and ran in and took him!! I literally just gave him some water and he was settling so I left and was watching him - no idea why she went straight in and said come on come sleep with me!

She took my daughter in her bed a few nights last week too - again saying she was unwell (but she was just up at night).

We have our first hearing end of Jan - is she going to use this and say kids need her for comfort or care or something and not me?

As she’s already indicated she doesn’t want 50-50 and her to be primary resident…

 

[Ash]

Calm down and just take one step at a time. She will say all sorts - the interim period is always full of games. But you have the advantage you both live in the same house and can ask for interim arrangements in an order within the house - eg certain days and times with you and with her.

 

[Nujra Rof]

Thanks Ash - you are probably right, it was a middle of the night freak out. I think it was just confusing why she did that - as you may know from other posts I have got a first hearing at the end of January for a prohibitive steps order and cao. Until then I just have to survive and try my best I guess, hopefully some progress then.

 

[bujanin]

After 18 months I can look back and see that the advice to not get caught up in the small stuff, the little things that seemed so important, was really accurate good advice. But I did get so caught up in rubbish that just burnt my energy and that the courts paid no attention to when all was said and done.

 

[Nujra Rof]

After 18 months I can look back and see that the advice to not get caught up in the small stuff, the little things that seemed so important, was really accurate good advice. But I did get so caught up in rubbish that just burnt my energy and that the courts paid no attention to when all was said and done.

Thanks for the advice/wise words. If you don’t mind me asking, what did you get caught up in that was not any use in court
And was there anything that was really useful in court that you did (or wish you’d done)?

Thanks

 

[bujanin]

Your post, it's bitty, caught up in the weeds stuff. So your wife took the boy to bed, you're pissed off about it, it's a big deal to you but it's not really going to be given any weight by the powers. He's not being hurt by sleeping with his Mum but presumably it annoys you b/c you're in a single bed.
Like Ash says you are in a strong position that you're in the same house so you are really shared care. It's an interim period where neither of you is thinking straight but just cool your jets.

I got caught up in everything, like many on here the process dominated my life. It led to a year long nervous breakdown, constantly trying to stay one step ahead but most of the time reactive. To list the trivialities now is pointless but it's just to say that these are not the things that the courts will show any interest in.

 

[Nujra Rof]

Your post, it's bitty, caught up in the weeds stuff. So your wife took the boy to bed, you're pissed off about it, it's a big deal to you but it's not really going to be given any weight by the powers. He's not being hurt by sleeping with his Mum but presumably it annoys you b/c you're in a single bed.
Like Ash says you are in a strong position that you're in the same house so you are really shared care. It's an interim period where neither of you is thinking straight but just cool your jets.

I got caught up in everything, like many on here the process dominated my life. It led to a year long nervous breakdown, constantly trying to stay one step ahead but most of the time reactive. To list the trivialities now is pointless but it's just to say that these are not the things that the courts will show any interest in.

Makes complete sense and very wise words. Actually you hit the nail on the head - I’m very annoyed I’m on a spare single mattress in the spare room! And she gets to be in the big bed comforting and cuddling our son.

Alas you’re right, courts will give it no weight. I am in the same household and I constantly keep thinking why would I not get 50-50. I feel like I’ll have a nervous breakdown thinking constantly of all the ways I could not get it and mitigate it!

Honestly if I could somehow play a highlight video of the years since our kids came along, I should really be entitled to 60-40 in my favour but will never happen! So settling at 50-50 and not getting it would kill!

 

[Maloney]

I decided to divorce in May, however, the actual application went in around a month ago.

Although I'm not that far ahead of you, looking back, I realised that I spent way too much energy entertaining all of the games and accusations, which don't really matter.

I spent a large chunk of my days replying to a constant barrage of texts, emails etc accusing me of everything.

I wish I ignored them now, or gave a one line response, as the reality is that any allegations will have to be proven in court.

As long as you keep evidence of everything you do then you will be fine.

 

[Nujra Rof]

I decided to divorce in May, however, the actual application went in around a month ago.

Although I'm not that far ahead of you, looking back, I realised that I spent way too much energy entertaining all of the games and accusations, which don't really matter.

I spent a large chunk of my days replying to a constant barrage of texts, emails etc accusing me of everything.

I wish I ignored them now, or gave a one line response, as the reality is that any allegations will have to be proven in court.

As long as you keep evidence of everything you do then you will be fine.

Thanks for the smart advice.

In terms of keeping evidence of everything I do, I’m keeping a daily diary - is there anything else I should be keeping/collating? First hearing for CAO and prohibitive steps order end of Jan, but don’t think I need to take anything with me as far as I’m aware.

Do people get witness statements from schools etc to say that they are the person that drops them off/picks them up every day etc. or anything like that?

And yes the games and bs is crazy! Been accused of all sorts as well, including cheating which was insane! I started minimise my responses also. As it takes up too much mental energy and just time.

 

[Busydad1985]

Wise words right here in this thread - ive also been "sweating" the BS and small stuff in my own case and its certainly not something I think I could carry with me everyday for as long as this process takes.

I wont go into the drama and BS that unfolded over christmas, but needless to say I need to go forward and just focus on the big things. Im also keeping a daily journal of all the things said and done, activities im undertaking with the house, the kids and such, in case I need it for later on but I have no idea if this will ever be accepted as any form of evidence. Would be curious to know what others did or are doing?

 

[Nujra Rof]

Wise words right here in this thread - ive also been "sweating" the BS and small stuff in my own case and its certainly not something I think I could carry with me everyday for as long as this process takes.

I wont go into the drama and BS that unfolded over christmas, but needless to say I need to go forward and just focus on the big things. Im also keeping a daily journal of all the things said and done, activities im undertaking with the house, the kids and such, in case I need it for later on but I have no idea if this will ever be accepted as any form of evidence. Would be curious to know what others did or are doing?

Agree - would love to know if anyone kept a journal and was useful/used as evidence?

 

[KF31]

Im also keeping a daily journal of all the things said and done, activities im undertaking with the house, the kids and such, in case I need it for later on but I have no idea if this will ever be accepted as any form of evidence. Would be curious to know what others did or are doing?

I would definitely recommend keeping a daily journal from my experience with helping my partner. I kept a log of all communication between my partner and his ex or any of her family etc including logs of text messages and emails. He would go to handovers/drop offs and he would message me anything that was said and I would log it straight away so he didn’t have time to forget it. It came in handy when the court asked for a bundle because we used the communication logs to complete the chronology part of the bundle. It also helped with completing position statements and raising issues in court as it meant my partner could remember the dates and times of when things happened and we could easily find texts messages or emails relating to something specific as we had the dates of when it happened in the communication log.