Im in the process of divorce (filed this month) and have paperwork to sign with my solicitor to engage in a collaborative process in january with my wife. We seperated a couple of weeks ago after living seperate lives under the same roof for 3 years.
Before we agreed to officially seperate at the start of December, I was the parent doing morning drop offs, making packed lunches, taking them out to playdates / parties and to evening clubs like Karate and gymnastics. My wife would collect them from school, but not much else. I was also the one making dinner, washing clothes, and doing all the house chores throughout thier lives. I was the parent reading them bedtime stories and tucking them in at night, while thier mother would not ever do these things, instead choosing to either go out (while I stayed home) with my stepdaughter who is 23.
Both of us work full time - she is a teacher working school hours, and I can work from home as much as I like. I do have the occasional need to travel overseas on business, however this was perhaps for 1 week every quarter, and was known and planned in advance, never last minute. While I was away from home, the wife would then pick up the slack and take care of things until I return. I earn about 4-5x more than she does.
Where we are now - I am slowly being held back from participating in my kids lives as before. Since the split my wife will not allow me to take them to school or pick them up, she is refusing to allow me 50:50 and instead has offered me one weekday and every other weekend. Needless to say I am not going to accept this at all and I believe she is doing this because she wants to maximise the maintenance money she will get from me if I accept.
We are still living in the same house we jointly own, I pay for all the bills and food, her car insurance and she contributes nothing. I still make sure I am up before the kids rise, make breakfast, help get them ready and ensure I am home around the times they are awake, so I can do my part and be an active and present father in thier lives. However this is becoming very, VERY tough with my wife continuing to keep the kids away from home and away from me as much as she can. For example, she has been collecting the kids from school and not returning home with them until about 10mins prior to bed time, as she knows I will be waiting around for them.
Ive refused to leave the family home until we can agree our arrangements (CAO and Financial settlement), she is pushing to tell the children whats going on but I have asked we only tell them the situation when we can provide them some certainty on what life will be like for them. We cant stop the train from moving now but we can keep it on the rails, for the sake of the kids.
I believe she is trying to set a new precedent to argue later on that "this is not thier routine" and fight me on the CAO.
Has anyone any advice on this? I know I can make 50:50 work and in truth I feel like shes not thinking about the children, shes thinking about her financial situation and using the kids to get more money out of me. I dont care what arrangement we come to so long as I can be an equal parent to them!
Before we agreed to officially seperate at the start of December, I was the parent doing morning drop offs, making packed lunches, taking them out to playdates / parties and to evening clubs like Karate and gymnastics. My wife would collect them from school, but not much else. I was also the one making dinner, washing clothes, and doing all the house chores throughout thier lives. I was the parent reading them bedtime stories and tucking them in at night, while thier mother would not ever do these things, instead choosing to either go out (while I stayed home) with my stepdaughter who is 23.
Both of us work full time - she is a teacher working school hours, and I can work from home as much as I like. I do have the occasional need to travel overseas on business, however this was perhaps for 1 week every quarter, and was known and planned in advance, never last minute. While I was away from home, the wife would then pick up the slack and take care of things until I return. I earn about 4-5x more than she does.
Where we are now - I am slowly being held back from participating in my kids lives as before. Since the split my wife will not allow me to take them to school or pick them up, she is refusing to allow me 50:50 and instead has offered me one weekday and every other weekend. Needless to say I am not going to accept this at all and I believe she is doing this because she wants to maximise the maintenance money she will get from me if I accept.
We are still living in the same house we jointly own, I pay for all the bills and food, her car insurance and she contributes nothing. I still make sure I am up before the kids rise, make breakfast, help get them ready and ensure I am home around the times they are awake, so I can do my part and be an active and present father in thier lives. However this is becoming very, VERY tough with my wife continuing to keep the kids away from home and away from me as much as she can. For example, she has been collecting the kids from school and not returning home with them until about 10mins prior to bed time, as she knows I will be waiting around for them.
Ive refused to leave the family home until we can agree our arrangements (CAO and Financial settlement), she is pushing to tell the children whats going on but I have asked we only tell them the situation when we can provide them some certainty on what life will be like for them. We cant stop the train from moving now but we can keep it on the rails, for the sake of the kids.
I believe she is trying to set a new precedent to argue later on that "this is not thier routine" and fight me on the CAO.
Has anyone any advice on this? I know I can make 50:50 work and in truth I feel like shes not thinking about the children, shes thinking about her financial situation and using the kids to get more money out of me. I dont care what arrangement we come to so long as I can be an equal parent to them!
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