Full time dad of two, should I get a consent order in place

[SingleDadOfTwo]

Hello,

Four years ago I put a camera in the house, found out wife was hitting my children and talking to other men. Called the police, showed them the footage and they asked her to leave the house (mortgaged under my name only). She was cautioned by the police for child cruetly, she put me through the text book usual false accusations, she had full support from everyone including the childrens social worker who wrote the reports to her favour and was meeting her before our usual meetings possibly to coach her. But I was just being myself and with support from some services I paid for and my family we manged, all cases were closed and the kids have been with me full time for the past 4 years.

For the past 4 yeas she says that she wants to see the children but refuses to see them via contact centre. This is my condition due to the safty of my children, so we only do video calls three times a week.

The sitiation now is that we are divored officially, but we never sorted out the finances or anything. I have made some good money and I am about to pay about 50k into my mortgage, but my concern is should I apply for a consent order to get the finances sorted? would this open a can for me? I have since got a better job that pays me double and what if she comes back in a few years to put a claim to all the money I have made since our divorce?

Should I get a consent order or would this open a can of warms?
If she does go to court now to make a claim for finances/support, is four years relavant?
What do you guys suggest?

 

[StayStrong]

Hello,

Four years ago I put a camera in the house, found out wife was hitting my children and talking to other men. Called the police, showed them the footage and they asked her to leave the house (mortgaged under my name only). She was cautioned by the police for child cruetly, she put me through the text book usual false accusations, she had full support from everyone including the childrens social worker who wrote the reports to her favour and was meeting her before our usual meetings possibly to coach her. But I was just being myself and with support from some services I paid for and my family we manged, all cases were closed and the kids have been with me full time for the past 4 years.

For the past 4 yeas she says that she wants to see the children but refuses to see them via contact centre. This is my condition due to the safty of my children, so we only do video calls three times a week.

The sitiation now is that we are divored officially, but we never sorted out the finances or anything. I have made some good money and I am about to pay about 50k into my mortgage, but my concern is should I apply for a consent order to get the finances sorted? would this open a can for me? I have since got a better job that pays me double and what if she comes back in a few years to put a claim to all the money I have made since our divorce?

Should I get a consent order or would this open a can of warms?
If she does go to court now to make a claim for finances/support, is four years relavant?
What do you guys suggest?

Hello and welcome to our forum. And well done for managing your family situation with decorum too.

To the best of my knowledge I will answer. I will certainly write with confidence that you should use some og your capital to employ a barrister should you choose to do the following.

Divorce completion without a Financial Order in place is jeopardy for you and your particular circumstances. On the other hand it is a pot of gold for your abusive ex who has many claims, inpetuity, on your wealth and assets, both what you own now and what you have in the future. You have to take the steps to sever all dependency by applying for a Finacial Relief Order.

Instructing a good barrister will be money well spent. Before then I would also refer to a good firm of solicitors who can ensure your Form E completion and necessary disclosures are watertight.

The bottom line is that she can make a claim without any time limit: the longer this goes on the more work you will have to do to produce paperwork and, of course, the more ££££ she will be entitled to claim. Money you may not by that time, even have anymore.

HTH, SS.

 

[Ash]

Stay Strong knows more about divorce than me. All I know is that a financial clean break is best - which I think is what Stay Strong is referring to when he says she could come back at any time in the future and try and claim half of whatever you have (if there is no clean break).

However you say you're already divorced? I thought the financials were part of the final divorce. Assume that just didn't come up. But yes as I see it, the situation at the moment is, if there was never a clean break financially she could claim from you at any time in the future.

Has she asked you about finances at all? It does sound like it needs sorting out. She will be entitled to 50% of any house equity or capital. I would keep the child arrangements separate. But - do you have an order for residency or was it just approved by social services? I can understand your concern that the whole Child Arrangements may come up and go pearshaped (with the bias towards Mums) if you start legal proceedings re divorce finances now.

The other option is - do nothing. See what happens. Be prepared that she may come back one day and try and claim half the house equity but don't instigate anything. Bring up your kids, get on with your life - leave the ball in her court. Have contingencies and prepare for the fact she might open a case at some point asking for financials from the divorce.

As I said I'm no expert on divorce but I always thought a divorce couldn't be finalised until financials were done. So if it has been finalised and no finanncials done then in future that could be seen to be accepted by both. She probably would get awarded half the house equity in future if she did try to make a financial claim.

 

[StayStrong]

Ash, you can be divorced without Financials decided. Indeed, ideally at a Financial Hearing you need Decree Nisi in place for a Judge to set forth his/her directions. I know that from my own experience, a full story yet to be written.

Also, you are right about mentioning 50/50 but wrong in writing "entitled to". That is a start point. My own settlement was 70:30 my favour, and that was only the house capital.....I ended up with much more as well, again, a story to be written on a seperate thread when I properly get the chance.

SDO2.......do not (NOT!) sit back and do nothing.

SS.

 

[SingleDadOfTwo]

Hey Guys,

Apologies for the delay.... Covid!!!

First thank you for the replies and support, yes I do have Decree Nisi without finances. She did put a hold on my property via the land registry. I removed that once I got the Decree Nisi.

I have contemplated doing nothing, but will take the advice and speak to a solicitor. Also, she has since we split up claimed benefits, not sure the impact that has on finances.

I will update this thread once I speak to a solicitor with what they advise.

 

[Ash]

My understanding was that the divorce is not final until decree absolute. And that before decree absolute, financials need to have been done (unless both agree there are none to be done). I know someone who was about to get married, and had to find his divorce papers, only to find he wasn't actually divorced, because the decree absolute had never been applied for!

 

[SingleDadOfTwo]

Sorry my mistake, i meant decree absolute. My divorce is finalised, she did not contest it and based on the decree absolute, her home rights notice was removed from the land registry.

 

[Ash]

I think you need to get some legal advice to be honest. You can get a free half hour from a solicitor. Or from two or three solicitors separately to see which one is most helpful - not all of them are on the ball.

I don't know enough about this but I'd have thought if the divorced was finalised, without any finances being done, then the only thing she could raise in the future/come back for, would be capital. Because without the finances done there will be no clause for a capital clean break. A clean break means neither can come back and ask for more later.

So I think yes she could make a financial claim in the future. And a solicitor may say what we did - either do it now to avoid unpleasant suprises in the future. Or do nothing and carry on with life and expect it may come up at some point.

However I am just wondering whether before doing anything about this (if you do decide to do something) you should be getting the child arrangements formalised. By getting a court order that the children live with you. That again could be opening a can of worms - so maybe not. But I think to protect yourself you need to keep careful records so you have clear evidence that a) the children have lived with you for the past four years b) you have copies of anything police and social services said at the time c) everything for the children is registered at your address d) the school have been officially informed that the children live with you and their Mother has supervised time only due to a history of child cruelty as established by the Police.

Because there are cases where a Mother gets advice and just turns up at school and takes the kids - and then you're in the position of having to apply to court to get to see them again. And she would then apply to the CMS and you'd have to pay child support. You'd need to show in court that the kids have lived with you for four years and why they only had supervised with their Mother.

At the moment, with no court orders in place - neither of you actually has "residency" legally - it's a case of possession is 9/10ths of the law.

 

[StayStrong]

Ash, I get your gist re child arrangements but my reading is that it is impossible to imagine the children going anywhere with Mum at the school gate.

SDO2 is taking advice re financials, good for him.

SS.